Don't beat yourself up-you only did what most of us have done on probably more than one occasion-you fell in love with someone who wasn't worthy of you.
Its his loss not yours.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by amicon

Dont beat yourself up-you only did what most of us have done on probably more than one occasion-you fell in love with someone who wasnt worthy of you.
Its his loss not yours.

---

amicon,
It makes me so sad, and make me more cry. Why would I be treated like this? Where is truth and decency?

There are good men out there as well as a number of insensitive morons believe that.
The pain your feeling now is normal and even though it hurts you ll get through it.
Be as angry with him and his behaviour as you need to be it ll help you on your road to recovery.
Talk to friends and family don't bottle it up.
Take care.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by confusedrebecca

cat1864,
I agree with you every single word you said. I realized he controlled me, and I allowed him to do it to me. He always told me "I like nice girl, and nice girl should be bla bla..." to get what he wanted. He destroyed my self-esteem to contol me easily as he wanted. It will not happen to my life again.

I have not talked about him to my family yet, but I have to someday, because my father and his father are very close, they play golf every weekend together. I do not think my father & brother want to make their hands dirty physically for this crap, but I am pretty sure they will be very mad about this, and give him very strong warning as family level. My family treated him very well. By the way, he begged me to keep it secret from my family because we should work through by our own(!) last night over the phone. He must feel ashamed. What a jerk again! What have I done!

---

I have a feeling before all this is over he is going to be extremely sorry for his misdeeds. I would almost bet that the fathers will be having words and I doubt that he will like the conversation. If he wants to talk, let him talk to them after you do.

Don't let him make you bitter or suspicious about men and relationships. We may hear a lot about this kind of person, but they really aren't as common as it seems.

Give yourself some time to heal and let the anger and hurt dull down. Tears and self-anger are common and take some time to work through. However, keeping yourself (mind and body) busy can help keep you from chasing the bad thoughts around in circles. Take time to do the things that YOU like to do and that make you feel good.

Just keep in mind that when you found out, you ended it. That was very strong action to take. You didn't believe him and let him string you along and go through a cycle a dozen times before you had enough. I can't count the number of individuals who think 'they can work it out or make it better if they just do more' then ask for help because it didn't work.

I don't think your self-esteem is as far gone as it may feel like right now. I think you just need to see it instead of the layers of self-doubt.

Quote:

---

Don't let him make you bitter or suspicious about men and relationships. We may hear a lot about this kind of person, but they really aren't as common as it seems.

---

Cat1864,
You are right. What a wise advice. The last thing I like to see is he is destroying my future and real me. I cannot give in my future & happiness over his carp. I promise I will recover from this disaster, and will be the sweet girl again to rebuild my life by my own.

It hurts so much though, and I almost feel like someone is sticking my heart with sharp object...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by adam_89

Does he really think there is a difference in cheating whether it be going on dates with someone or having sex with them? He still chose to have a commitment with you and he broke it. Dumb guy and very undeserving.

---

Adam,
It is just horrible. I just realized that I saw a hicky on his neck while ago. He said it was a bug bite, but now I am certain he slept with someone else... oh, god... oh, god. My hands are shaking while I am tying it... I was perfectly happy, but now everything turned out to be ash

Calm down. It could mean nothing, but in the end of the day you should leave him asap before he hurts you more. At least it may give him some perspective and it if means to be he'll go back with you. And if you start being sad, tell yourself plenty of us passed by that and we support you.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by confusedrebecca

Adam,
It is just horrible. I just realized that I saw a hicky on his neck while ago. He said it was a bug bite, but now I am certain he slept with someone else... oh, god... oh, god. My hands are shaking while I am tying it... I was perfectly happy, but now everything turned out to be ash

---

Don't let this bother you. Just seeing how it makes you feel, doesn't that make you happy that you will never have to feel it again from him? I have been cheated on by a few different girls in the past but once they were out of my life, I was happy and it didn't bother me anymore and I had to move on. That is exactly what you have to do. I know you will have a few days of feeling bad but you will get passed it. You need to be around friends and family right now. Or you can just stay here and talk to us. We will be here for you.

Quote:

---

doesn't that make you happy that you will never have to feel it again from him?

---

Adam, thanks again, and you are right, He cannot make me feel this way again, because I am done with him. I should be happy then. Thanks for your insight... how did you get over them in your past? Did you love them deeply and promise the future with them?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by paxe

Calm down. It could mean nothing, but in the end of the day you should leave him asap before he hurts you more. At least it may give him some perspective and it if means to be he'll go back with you. And if you start being sad, tell yourself plenty of us passed by that and we support you.

---

Thanks, all of you are so kind, and it means a lot to me.

And by the way, I got cheated on, and my ex took a picture of the moment... so I guess I can tell you I know what you feel and it sucks. But after some time the pain DOES dull down.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by confusedrebecca

Adam, thanks again, and you are right, He cannot make me feel this way again, because I am done with him. I should be happy then. thanks for your insight... how did you get over them in your past? did you love them deeply and promise the future with them?

---

Well, a couple of them were just a shortly lasted relationship because I learned quickly of their ways. There was one that got me though. We were together for about 7 months. Lived together for awhile and everything. The biggest kicker was that she was pregnant after we were together for awhile and I was living with this girl who I loved and she was carrying my son. Well, Come to find out is that she liked to play the field too and it wasn't my son who was in there. I was actually happy that I would be raising a son and she took that away from me and made it hell for me. I guess I just worked too much and that gave her too much time to do what she wanted and I guess having sex with other men was what she chose to do with her free time. After I found out all this she went to live with her mom and I just stuck with my family and friends and they made me feel a lot better and I just had to move forward and keep my mind off it and after awhile the pain did go away. It is a painful thing but there are much better things out there then people who are like this. I am glad you made the decision on making yourself better and getting away from this piece of crap.

paxe, adam,
Thanks for sharing your painful story with me. I cannot believe it is really happening. What kind of person took picture of that scene? What kind of person fooled around even with pregnancy? I feel so sorry for your guys, am just speechless, and heart broken.

I feel very sick now, and will leave my office soon. I feel like I will be sick like a dog for a while. Talk to you later, and you guys are really sweet & helpful for me. So nice of you for me, and I cannot stop crying...

I have had guys in my office huge crush on me, asked me out very politely multiple times, but I never consider it even for a sec because I was taken, and had the promise ring in my finger. It turns out nothing to me now. I feel so empty and helpless... and crying...

I'm sorry for your tears and sorrow. I wish I could help more. Just remember we are here for you and we would like to see you around here a lot now, no matter where you post. We are here for you.

Hi all,
I left work early, stayed in bed and was sick like a dog last night.
I heard he called my name, knocked my door around 8 pm. I was in dark room, kept myself in silence, and pretended I was not home. He repeated it until 10:30 on and off, and finally left. My phone rang all night long, and I finally had to unplug it. He left pathetic voice mails multiple times. One of them says he turned down all his profiles just after we had the fighting, and we need to talk.

If he really believed it was OK to see what else is out there while he was wearing the promise ring, why he had to suddenly turn it down? It proves me again, it was totally bs, I was played, and he is a piece of crap. He ruined the precious love, and it cannot be restored anymore. I am wondering what lies he told to other girls.

I saw a bunch of flowers on my door step in the morning, and I immediately dumped them in the trash can. I am going to change my lock and phone number in a coule of days. Phone number wise, he will find out new number somehow if he tries, but it will give him a clear message I do not want to talk to him, and I guess it is worth to go through the hassle. It is only my 2nd NC day, and I am helplessly crying...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by paxe

And by the way, I got cheated on, and my ex took a picture of the moment... so I guess I can tell you I know what you feel and it sucks. But after some time the pain DOES dull down.

---

paxe,
How did you end the relationship? How did you cope?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by confusedrebecca

Hi all,
I left work early, stayed in bed and was sick like a dog last night.
I heard he called my name, knocked my door around 8 pm. I was in dark room, kept myself in silence, and pretended I was not home. He repeated it until 10:30 on and off, and finally left. My phone rang all night long, and I finally had to unplug it. He left pathetic voice mails multiple times. One of them says he turned down all his profiles just after we had the fighting, and we need to talk.

If he really believed it was OK to see what else is out there while he was wearing the promise ring, why he had to suddenly turn it down? It proves me again, it was totally bs, I was played, and he is a piece of crap. He ruined the precious love, and it cannot be restored anymore. I am wondering what lies he told to other girls.

I saw a bunch of flowers on my door step in the morning, and I immediately dumped them in the trash can. I am going to change my lock and phone number in a coule of days. Phone number wise, he will find out new number somehow if he tries, but it will give him a clear message I do not want to talk to him, and I guess it is worth to go through the hassle. It is only my 2nd NC day, and I am helplessly crying...

---

He is just trying to get you back because you are a girl he believes he can control and you do whatever he wants you to do. Well, I am proud of you for standing strong and keeping him away from you. Distancing yourself the way you are is a good thing that you are doing. He really did screw up a wonderful thing and I think now is the time he will try hardest to get you back but don't fall for his games. You know how it went once and I almost guarantee it would happen again. Just stay strong and have a strong will. It will keep getting better.

Quote:

---

He is just trying to get you back because you are a girl he believes he can control and you do whatever he wants you to do. Well, I am proud of you for standing strong and keeping him away from you. Distancing yourself the way you are is a good thing that you are doing. He really did screw up a wonderful thing and I think now is the time he will try hardest to get you back but don't fall for his games. You know how it went once and I almost guarantee it would happen again. Just stay strong and have a strong will. It will keep getting better.

---

Adam,
I agree with you. I do think it was a good enough indication that he will cheat on me again if I decide to stay with him. I have no intention to ruin my life for this liar, live in lie, and suffer. I do not have to be miserable. Sometimes, I have to say I am getting weak since it happened so suddenly, and I was not even thought it could happen to us. Everything happened so fast, and my head is spinning. Your support really keeps me staying strong. I still cannot eat or sleep. I hope it will get better.

I am wondering how I should take away the promise ring from his finger in future. Any suggestions?

I am so lucky to have all the support on this board when I really need it. Thanks a lot.

You are doing great and believe us it will get better and you will be happier. You just need to surround yourself with love and the people who love you and will never let you down.

As far as the promise ring, it should be no problem getting it back if you really want it. If you tell him to give it back and he refuses, which I wouldn't see why he would since he did break the promise but it was not a gift to him, it was a promise on his part to stay with you and to stay loyal. He did not hold up his part and has no right to keep the ring.

Let him keep his ring as a reminder of his bad behavior causing him to lose something of great value... YOU!!

Pawn yours, and treat yourself with the proceeds, and never look back! It may hurt a lot now, but the good thing is you are no longer with this cheating jerk.