I have been in your position and I know how it feels and I bet everyone here does to. Believe us when we say time does heal but I don't think there is much more for us to say. If you don't nc you will be like this for the rest of your life. So it's either you nc and follow through with it or don't. Your call.

As long as anyone keeps contacting an ex they open up a wound that should be allowed to heal.be strong and go complete no contact and stick to it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by MysticKnight

Throughout the 3 years, sometimes she is responsive, sometimes she is not. She got a new bf right after our break up, and she has no desire to get me back.

The story is very complicated, i can write 1,000,000 words.

But the conclusion is that i can't get over her until the day i die, maybe not even, ok I AM INDEED INSANE!

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You know what, there seems to be a lot of pity on this board, but you get none from me. It has been three years... that is 1,095 days of zero progress because you have no self control. You sit here on your pity pot acting like it is so much different from the rest of us. We have all had our heart broken and we all know it sucks. You want an answer to your problems? Grow up, be a man and get over this. It is that easy once you actually take responsibility for acting like an immature kid.

This thread should be closed. I can give sympathy to someone who has done this for a few months, but 3 years, no way. You need to get the strength to end this yourself. Our words aren't going to help you, only you can. Make a choice... either continue to be stuck in this pattern of self loathing, or get up on your own two feet and make a permanent change that you know you can! Your life is worth it, so make it worth it now! This isn't about a professional helping you or you being hopeless! This is abot YOU and YOUR actions! Eventually you will realize you have wasted enough time and you get no refund on that time.

You are letting an ex control your life, and that is BS! No more excuses and no more whining. Time to stand up and do this for you. This has nothing to do with can't, and everything to do with your refusal to be a determined, self motivated individual.

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Originally Posted by kctiger

No more excuses and no more whining. Time to stand up and do this for you. This has nothing to do with can't, and everything to do with your refusal to be a determined, self motivated individual.

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Had to spread rep Kc. I hate to say this, but I got to agree with Kc.

If there was no contact during 3 years and the feelings are still there, then we can spread the pity. But after 3 years and there's still no self-control or any progress.

You probably have a million excuses on why you broke the no contact rules. Until you stop giving these excuses, you won't ever stop trying to contact her. Furthermore, every time you contact her, you are giving yourself false hope. That's what's dragging out your recovery process.

You need to put your foot down and say: "Enough is enough, I need to recover and I'm going to do whatever it takes." When you can finally say and do that, then you will be able to completely block her out of your life. You have to pretend she DOESN'T even exist. Only then will you see some progress. No one can tell you what to do, but it's your CHOICE: heal or continue to suffer.

So many of you telling NC NC NC, but it DOSE NOT help even if I stick to it!

Longest I've ever sticked to NC was about 1/2 year, but eventually it's broken as we know... But what, you don't think 1/2 year is not long enough to prove it DOES NOT work? Who is to judge how long it takes to prove NC work? You might think many of you're sticking to NC , but ONLY as of TODAY! You never know, you could have broken it by tomorrow.

I've only been with her for 1.5 years, but it feels like I've done everything I wanted to do in my life. I've been through my best time of my life, as well as my rock bottom time of my life, with her. There's just too much feelings... If they say you only get true love once a life time, THIS IS IT.

There's just too much memories. Every time I walk pass some specific areas, every time I'm doing some specific activities, every time some specific songs are being played... she will pop up in my mind, its uncontrollable.

I don't know how to say this but... Every time I meet a new girl, automatic comparison will start in my mind.. every time I'm super happy, I feel like I need to tell her, every time I'm super down, I feel like I have no one to turn to but her...

I'm not giving myself excuses, it is just the way it plays out.

If you think you can help me, wipe my memory, it's the ONLY way; if you can't, I'm endlessly helpless!

Happy times are too short, as a meteor shower...

Did you take an active role during your NC period? Did you go to the gym everyday? Did you go out and try to meet new people? Did you join a new group, new activity?

I doubt it. If you were you wouldn't be thinking like that. I cannot stress enough how important it is to take an ACTIVE role into healing. NC does do all the job, healing does. There is no "one true love", it's Hollywood bull****.

Instead of arguing on whether NC works, why don't you start it with active healing? You could always give it another try so that you are less hurt, it seems rational and logical, doesn't it?

Have you tried therapy?It seems to me you ve allowed yourself to identify with your grief.Granted the first months after a breakup are tough but we have a choice whether to move on and that's what we should do for ourselves so that we can have happy fullfilling lives.

This is really creepy. You sound a lot like my Ex, but he and I only dated for 4 months, about 2 years ago. He would NOT leave me alone, no matter how much I ignored him. I did not want him in my life, and still to this day I don't. I finally had to change my number the other day because of it. I didn't want to, but I did. Jeez dude, just leave the poor woman in peace, she has obviously moved on. There is no point in pining away over someone who does not love or want you in their lives. COME ON!

Like I said before: You need to stop idolizing this woman.

Creepy doesn't even begin to describe your situation. After 3 years of NOT being with this woman you haven't even slightly disappeared from her life? You're always there, lurking, waiting, calculating and scheming on when you should next make contact with her.

This is insane!
You have actually gone insane!
SHE thinks/knows you're insane!
This is not an attractive quality!

You seem to think that NC does not work but this is only because you don't allow it to gain a foothold in your mind. Everyone, and I mean everyone who has stuck to it has had those moments of weakness where the thought of breaking NC crept into their mind. I know I have. The only thing that stopped me from breaking is one thing: It's called pride.

You need to get some pride. You need to stop being a sniveling little boy and start acting like a man. Women like men, not boys. Sanity is also a prerequisite. She doesn't think you're sane, I guarantee that. You desperately need to work on yourself before you burn any more of your life on this woman. I can guarantee you this: every single one of her friends, family, co-workers, postman, milkman, etc, knows that you just won't leave her alone. She wouldn't touch you with a 10 foot pole now. She probably doesn't even feel safe knowing that there is such a person as you out there.

I think I can safely say that given your behaviour towards the break up with this woman and the fact that you just don't seem to respect her space or wishes there is definitely no chance of you two reconciling. How have you shown that you've changed even one bit? Even if you do manage to do a 180, she doesn't care anymore. You have effectively damaged your relationship beyond repair by refusing to go on with your life and allowing her to do the same. Would you go back to someone who was completely obsessed with you? Do you even understand women? What's so romantic and "true love-ish" about your behaviour? Why do YOU want to be with someone who so obviously doesn't want anything to do with you?

So, to answer your question: Yes, I do believe that you are in fact insane and unstable. Some professional help would definitely do you some good.

I don't want to come off as harsh or insensitive but I'm just telling you what I would tell any single one of my friends or family if they were in the same situation as you. I truly hope you get your life sorted out soon.

You're confusing the meaning of NC. NC is part the healing process. It's NOT a magic potion. I say again, it's a "process".

It's all about what you want. Do you really want to heal from this experience? If you did, then you would do everything in your power to try to heal. If you still haven't healed yet, it means you haven't tried hard enough.

Everyone has trouble sticking to NC at first. You would be surprised how many people had trouble implimenting NC in the first place. But the people who actually made NC work is because they WANT to HEAL. However, I'm thinking that you DON'T WANT to heal from this experience yet.

Part of you still wants her back, so that's why you can't fully implement NC. NC is not only about not contacting her. It's not about proving whether NC works. It's also about WANTING TO HEAL. So you have to take an active approach. Start by looking at this list and check out the comments from the others, because they added more to the list: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...kup-78597.html

How many of them have you actually tried? You say that you have constant reminders. That's because you haven't kept yourself busy enough. You need to find more distractions. Please refer to the list above.

If after 6 months of NC you still haven't healed from the experience, it means that you still needed more time. There's no timeline for how long it takes to heal. Some people take even longer than 6 months. You're suppose to take whatever time you need.

Before the NC step, you need to realize that you cannot be with her anymore and you have to let her go. Then you can begin the healing process and implement NC. Remember, NC is part of the healing progress, NOT a magic potion.

There are 6 billion people in this world, are you sure she's that amazing? I bet it's only because you haven't met enough people, so you can't really compare her to anyone else. So it feels like she's so amazing.

You guys are totally right, I've gone completely insane..

I've once willing to lose everything to get her back.. willing to do anything.. but nothing is going to change anything.. the more I do the more crazy she thinks of me..

I've placed my pride and my dignity on the line, and I've lost them all.. and it is something I never want to happen again.

I've wasted enough of my time on this girl already.. I really need to move on COMPLETELY.. until then, it seems like my life is indefinitely on hold at the moment.

I really do think that I need to sorting things out soon... before I gone beyond insane

It happens to all of us. There was one time I have gone insane and totally depressed but it will past.

Don't put your life on hold for anyone but at the same time take as much time as you need to grief the lost, as long as its forever or ridiculously long.

Well it seems you have come to your senses and we are here for that. Take one day at a time, take theraphy, sport, anythinng, just don't procrastinate. If it helps post all your feelings in this board.

Your not working hard enough for yourself. Excuses why you can't achieve a goal, will not replace positive action toward that goal.

Hello mysticknight. I can understand your feelings,completely.it's so hard to let go,sometimes.please,try to look back and count your memories of this relationship... the good and the bad.it is especially hard,to let go if,you're depressed,lonely and sentimental. Why,did this relationship fail ,in the 1st place?I wish that you could meet new people.get out there and mix it up.who knows? Maybe miss right is out there,looking for YOU! Good-luck

You need to make a mental decision to let go.Then fake it till you make it.

OMGGGGGGGGG I BROKE IT AGAIN!!

But I think this is the last one.. I wrote this email recently to say good bye to her:

Subject: it feels like yesterday...

"just now, i can hear waves of thunder from outside.. i can't help but to remember the night where we ran straight into the thunder shower, heavy wind blowing, lightning striking, with hands held, we charged through the pouring rain, we were unstoppable.. that was fun! it feels like yesterday, but so many things have happened since..

it's time for me to let go.. we have tried several time to be friends again.. but each time ends up being another failure.. you don't seem like you want to make an effort.. i give up..

i wasn't able to keep most of the promises i've made to you.. but before i go, i want to at least be able to fulfill this one last wish of yours.. which is not to contact you anymore..

it was/is/will be painful to lose you.. but i guess this is for the best."

This is to give myself a closure and I hope for her too, what do you guys think?? Am I still crazy?

Not necessarily, you need to do whatever you need to do in order to have closure and to heal yourself. If this is your way of saying goodbye then so be it. What is important is what happens next. Now is the time to apply NC all the way AND most importantly to take care of yourself.

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Originally Posted by MysticKnight

i wasn't able to keep most of the promises i've made to you.. but before i go, i want to at least be able to fulfill this one last wish of yours.. which is not to contact you anymore..

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If that was your form of closure, then stick to it! Keep your promise, not just for her, but do it for yourself.

As long as you didn't write it expecting an answer back.