Ask Me Help Desk - Boyfriend wants cool off

You can't go into NC if you hope to repair your relationship.

First of all, you already told him how you feel, so he's well aware of your feelings.

Secondly, the ball is on his court. He has to decide what he wants to do, knowing your feelings.

Thirdly, now that you are going into NC, you have to realize that you're going in NC to recover from the breakup and not to win him back.

Feelings can't be forced. If he wants to be with you, will find you. But you have to be prepared that he won't come back, which appears to be the case at this point. So while you're in NC, spend this time to recover and move on with your life. If he comes back, then great! But if he doesn't, then at least you'll be in a better position to move on with your life.

Like the others have suggested, try reading the stickies to help you cope with the pains of the recovery process.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustYourGuy

He said he still loves me.

I'm sorry but you don't treat someone you love in the manner he's treating you. It's pretty clear not only from his actions but also his words that it's over as far as he's concerned. And you trying to contact him and wanting answers etc. is just validating his decision to himself.

I'm afraid it's time to take the hint and leave him alone.

Today I think we broke up while we were in his car. He promised that he would spend time with me today but then at the end, he told me he has to fix his things (becuase his company is moving to another city). Then while we were in the car, his excuse changed. He said, somebody's waiting for him. I told him I really need to talk to him. I asked him if he ever cheated, if he ever kissed another guy, if he ever had sex with another guy, he said no. Then I told him I snooped on his voicemail. I asked him who are the guys who keep calling him? There's even one who called him on 12:09 AM last week who also called everyday and said, "hey, I'm in front of your house... blah blah blah I'm driving home......call me.... goodnight." THis same guy has about 3 or 4messages asking my boyfriend, "hey where r u?". Now tell me I have no reason to be suspicious?? There are at least 3 or 4 guys, and there were 12 voicemails in all, and all those voicemails are SAVED. He saved them! He did not delete them. The messages from the other guys were, "hey.. just finishing up some laundry... we should watch a movie and maybe dinner after." And then another message, an earlier one, from a different guy, "I was hoping we could catch the 6:15 movie, in Daly City, then we could grab something to eat."

He was so angry, as in he was all ready to punch me. He kept telling me to get out of his car. He was shouting. While he was like this, I was calm and I was trying to calm him down. I even said I'm sorry! And I even told him, I know you're angry right now, but I want you to know I love you very much and I will wait for you and I will court you. That's what I said.

When I got home, I texted him and stated, "I love you very much"

I told my brother about this and he said, "get up hold you head up high and never ever contact him." He also said, "it will pass."

Why would you want to stay with someone who is obviously cheating on you and doesn't respect your Relationship??

In addition:

He promised me before he would spend time with me, 6 or 7 times, but all of those promises were broken. Either would keep me waiting, and not text me at all that he's not coming, or he'll keep me waiting and I'll call him the next day and he'd give some excuse, that he's at his cousin's house. He had used that excuse (cousin's house) several times already, I don't what to believe anymore.

We can't force anyone to want to be with us.Believe that its over , your brother gave you good advice and you should start picking yourself up and rebuilding your life.Dont contact your EX -do the NC for real this time and be good to yourself.

It sounds like you have made up your mind to do all the wrong things with a vengeance.Why are you appearing like an unhinged,insecure,clingy,desperate and extremely "no-self-respect" kind of an individual,after all the crap treatment he's given you?Do you want to have somebody in your life who doesn't even have the minimum courtesy after 4.5 yrs,to at least talk to you/be honest with you/listen to you,when he very clearly can see you are hurting so bad?

Why give so much importance to somebody who's been so rude and cruel?Do you think this is what you deserve?Is this your idea of love?Am sorry friend,wake up and get real.Sometimes our weakness and sense of losing someone we love, blinds us to the cruelties these people inflict on us.Why they do so,what's the reason they become so heartless as to just up and leave after such a long time with no trace,is something we will never understand and something over which we have no control.

But we do have control over our own lives,our own decisions.You have been given a life to lead,with somebody or without.You need to remind yourself that just as the sun rises and sets everyday,not caring who's there to watch or not,you too have a life to lead.Now you can be miserable and lead it(nobody's bothered)or you can be happy and lead it(again nobody's bothered).But it should be of concern to you,yourself,that here you are,with this thing called life being thrust upon you giving you all the freedom in the world to live it the way you want,explore all the beautiful things it has to offer,meet all these wonderful people it has,and you are holding yourself back from all that adventure and excitement just because one sorry specimen of a guy decided to leave you,for whatever reason.

Come on,you can do better.When was the last time you actually thought about yourself,your own likes and dislikes,did what you wanted to do,go where you wanted to go?Its all been about him,him,him.Now's the time you do all that and much more.And this is what you do with a vengeance,not go bonkers and stalk him like a loony:)

JustforGuy,
The relationship has been broken off for month, you are still in denial, but you need to accept it and move on. It is hard to accept the fact after 5 years of dedication, and you still love him so much, but you can not fix it no matter hard you try. Please let it go, and stick with NC to protect yourself . If you create more drama, he will only develop a bad taste about you & your entire 5 year relationship. Why do you want to be with someone who cheated on you, and does not want you anymore? Move on. Being a single is a golden opportunity to meet the right person for your life. There are many decent guys waiting for sweet & dedicated person like you.

Quote:

I told my brother about this and he said, "get up hold you head up high and never ever contact him." He also said, "it will pass."

Listen to your brother, and leave the player alone.

Thanks for all the advice. I promised myself to do NC and forget about him. It's foing to be hard I know but I'll do it. It's just that I have so many questions that need answers and now I don't think those questions will ever be answered.

Accepting you are hanging on to a player, that doesn't want what you want, will answer most of your questions.