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Wow... this sounds like what my mom did. Except she was unhappy in her marriage and the guydidnt have a girlfriend. Ill tell you what you should do. Leave her the f*** alone!! (I hope I can say that) seriously though. It made me so upset as a kid and its wrong. Really wrong. Leave her alone and find someone else.
You're mom cheated on your dad because she wasn't happy in their marriage any longer?Quote:
Originally Posted by xskydyverx
Yes, she was unhappy about her marriage but instead of talking and figuring it out she went behind my dad's back and her own kids back and was out all night with this manQuote:
Originally Posted by honey2009
I saw a show the other night where a woman had a wealthy husband, but they had a pre-nup. And so she had an affair with another man and plotted to frame him for murdering her husband (although sh did it). She planned everything to make it look like the man was atalking her and everything, and then she stabbed herself too just tomake sure she was ruled out for murder and could get away clean with the money from her late husbands death. She pretended that she loved this other man too.
It's just a show, but things like that happen in real life. Might not be to that extent, but she doesn't plan on being with you.
Be careful.
Look at the reality of this situation. Decide if you are in position in life to care for a ready made family. If this woman ever does decide to leave her husband, there's a chance that the kids may come with her. Could you and would you be ready to handle the responsibilities of the children's healthcare, college educations, paying the mortgage or rent for this family,and sacrificing EVERY area of YOUR life for this family. If you can't say yes to these common realities.. . Then you'd better run. Believe me, after taking on these burdens your life will not remain in the euphoric state that you are feeling now.
WHY DO YOU THINK THE HUSBAND WORKS AS MUCH AS HE DOES
I'm pretty sure that she's weighing all of these details out as well. If she's not considering her life with you as part of a family unit with HER kids, then consider that fact as a major RED FLAG with regard to her credibility, intentions or her lack of intentions.
Ask yourself one more time, "Is Love All We Need?" (maybe in a fairy tale or a Beatles song)
I'm not telling you what to do. The euphoria that you are feeling is stronger than any advice/opinion that you'll get on the internet. I am however giving you the real considerations regarding real life.
Good luck. Do the right thing. You're dealing with the kids lives, not only yours. Gary D.
P.S. I'm not sure if this question was written by a male or female.
It was written by a guy.
No sometimes love isn't enough. There involves way more than love.
Response to ohsohappy: I guess in this day it really doesn't matter if a male or female wrote" IS LOVE ALL WE NEED". The same considerations exist.
Sounds like HONEY 2009 has been a diversion from the married persons unhappy homelife.
That is true.Quote:
Originally Posted by rewes
I was confused by the SN too but I figured it was a guy because of the way they were talking.
Did you mean to give me an "agree?"
Because if not, you should probably know that "disagrees" should only be given based on a fact basis, not opinions. Just a reminder. I was confused by your response. But just remember that it's considered a courtesy not to "disagree" someone withough real proof. There are nicer ways to disagree, i.e. quote member. It's a response to their respons, and it won't look good or bad on their reputations. I'm not getting on your case, but I just figured I'd let you know in case you already didn't.
Ohso happy, Thank you for the advice, I'm sincerely sorry if I offended anyone in even the smallest way. I must admit that I am a very recent member and do not know what eticate applies on this site. As well, I am unfamiliar with all of the options available. Please accept my apology.Quote:
Originally Posted by ohsohappy
I am now very interested in your story. I'll reread the original entry.
No harm done, I just figured I should tell you before anything like that actually happened.Quote:
Originally Posted by rewes
I re read your original letter and still maintain the idea that it is possible that the letter could have been written by a female, That is the only fact that I was unsure of.Quote:
Originally Posted by honey2009
Let's examin the facts available to me as I read the story.
1st- "Honey" 2009 gives a softer impression of the user.. . Or leaning toward the femenine side. No offence, please understand that I am trying to explain the words that offended you.
2nd- Simply read your letter and imagine that a female wrote it.
It still fits perfectly. It is 2009. The age of alternative relationships.
Now let me explain my comments. Your affair is with a woman 9 years your senior.
She has 2 kids who need a father figure in their life and a roof over their heads or they're going to end up with D.Y.F.S. Are you a strong father image with a home to shelter those kids with? And more importantly. . Do you want to be ? I'm sure your girlfriend would take this into consideration if she decided to leave her husband. Your future relationship will always include the kids. Forever.
Again I'll say, is she talking about the future and does that future include you AND the kids. Most women wouldn't move an inch away without their kids. Re: credibility and her intentions. If her intention is to leave her husband for you.. . Has she said that at any time? Or does her silence represent her "lack of intention"?
I don't know your age or anything about you to "disagree". But I know this to be a HARD fact. You are dealing with the kids lives. If these kids are important to her, she is likely to make the ultimate decision about " you and her " based on those kids. A mom with any amount of "credibility" as a mom, would chose their kids over a fling or a diversion from an unhappy marriage. Please don't be insulted. With these thoughts, you will be able to get an idea of where you actually stand.
If I were to give you a plan of action, I would tell you to tell her that you can't deal with the relationship as it is now. You as the third wheel. You love her so much that it's tearing your guts out. When she leaves the marriage, you are ready to get ingaged.
See how she reacts. Let that be your guide. Just be prepared for her answer. What will you do if she says "yes". If you REALLY want to know where the relationship is going, YOU need to put it to the test.
I'm wondering why you can't bring yourself to ask her to file for divorce.. .
As long as you stay in this clandetine affair, you will be the third wheel that has NO control at all over the pain in your heart. No control over anything! She needs to think of her kids best interests first. As you can tell, it's ALL about the kids. You and her play 2nd fiddle in the overall sceme of things. This is FACT.
Again, Please don't be insulted or mad at me. Nothing that I have written was written with any hostility toward you or the relationship. Best of Luck to you both. Gary
Let's just ask shall we?
Honey, are you male or female?
You're having an AFFAIR.Quote:
Originally Posted by honey2009
You're having sex with a MARRIED WOMAN, someone else's WIFE.
You're committing ADULTERY.
You know this is WRONG.
You know that you're ruining a FAMILY.
You should be ASHAMED of yourself.
Even if she is unhappy with her husband's work schedule, or what happens in their house, that's NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
You keep going "sigh". Is that supposed to make us feel sorry for you? Well it doesn't.
You are a homewrecker, and she's a lying cheater.
You've already devastated one life (your girlfriend). Even though she's probably better off now, she's been hurt. And you don't seem to care.
You can't seem to ask her about a divorce, but you have no problem taking off her clothes.
This woman's poor husband is trying to work things out, and someone like you is still bedding his wife.
The world is full of available women, go find one of your own. That isn't already MARRIED.
I feel your pain! This is going nowhere. You guys are probably in need of some secret thrills. She might feel stuck in her marriage and she's this older, understanding woman who listens to your stories and offers support. I know how difficult this must be for you and how painful it is but it's a dead end. Pain for all involved.
OK, let's make this more practical for you... Her pissed off kids and husband will be in your life forever. Sound fun?
Quote:
Originally Posted by jmjoseph
EXACTLY!
Can someone write the word "DUH" across his forehead backwards please. That way every time he looks in the mirror it's even more of a reminder.
I know what you are going through. You have to fight these feelings. My boss has had a crush on me for the past 8 months. He's married with 3 children. We work together and see each other everyday. It's been up and down and I have cried and lost sleep due to having to fight my feelings. Oh, and I have a boyfriend.
I have not given in to my boss. I will not give in but I can certainly see how people do.
I saw his daughter once and his wife a couple of times. It's heart breaking for me to see that his wife is powerless against his behavior. You need to think of the poor husband trying to make the relationship work... to save the marriage and the family. HIS marriage and HIS family. Maybe you need to look at the husband's face and see the kids to help you cool off.
There will be other women... Single women. There won't be any true love between you when you are causing so much pain to others.
You have to BE STRONG. YOU CAN DO IT!
I'm a maleQuote:
Originally Posted by ohsohappy
rewes agrees: another perfect response. A little angry though
It should be a lot angry. How would this guy feel if HE was married, and someone like HIM came along and started having sex (being polite) with HIS wife? He wouldn't like it, just like most of us. He wants to know "if love is all we need", like we should give him advice on how to steal some poor guy's wife. HA!
You date married woman, love her and you are OK that she cheats on her husband. Why don't you think that she will cheat on you some time later (even if she will divorce)?
Does she tell you she doesn't sleep with her husband? I'm sure she does, like married guys do.
I'm sorry, I don't want to offend you. But in russia that type of women is a whore, no exuses.
Lover(like you) will never marry her and husband will kick her and divorce. But here in america seems 2 guys will try to hold her... so different mentality.
Don't love your partner anymore? Finish relationship with him/her and than start new one! That's the rule of intelligent people! Not on the same time!
I hope it will be just some ideas for you to think and you will not get offended!
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