Hey, how much longer do you think you can handle all this hurt and misery?

Your not happy nor have been for some time,he is not happy.

Could it be possibe that apart you both would be happier people and better parents..

Don't get me wrong,your son will one day be grown and gone to college,married etc,then what?


I was on my own for years after my marriage ended,that was through choice though..
In a way for me,it was a relief when it was over.

Find some head space in all this,if that means being apart for awhile. So be it.

I know I agree. I am working on it. What really sucks in all this is when I moved out before I had it all planned. I went in on my lunch hours and cleaned. Set up my sons room with toys, bed and cool posters and stuff so he would love it right off. Had his bike there. He loved it. Now its unexpected. Which is OK since I am home. I have all I need for my son to be happy. I just don't have the savings like I did before. I had saved for a long time knowing the day was going to come.

Another thing I am having trouble with is my sons birthday party. His birthday is September 22. Every year I do a super huge party. I mail out invites to everyone I know and every kid on the block and his class. It goes late in to the night after the kids leave. It kind of turns in to an adult party then. I don't know what to do. His party is planned for September 16. I have all the goodies for 32 kids bought. This big treasure hunt ready and planned. But I don't want to deal with it if his family is going to be there. I don't want the tension with him and I. I was thinking of just having his school friends over for it and that's it. But I already have all these things bought. I don't want my son to lose out but I don't have it in me now to do it. To watch him have a good time with his family and friends on my dollar. He hasn't helped me yet with it. Not to mention he never helped me with our son last time I moved out. Or with school clothes.

Just swallow it this time. Its for your son and as much as it urks you,be nice to his family because your son loves them.

If your going to do this you have to be ready to get some hassel,from him and his family,but you won't have to keep listening to it.

The night after the party is over you can say to yourself,my son had a good day and I made that happen.

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Originally Posted by 88sunflower

I know I agree. I am working on it. What really sucks in all this is when I moved out before I had it all planned. I went in on my lunch hours and cleaned. Set up my sons room with toys, bed and cool posters and stuff so he would love it right off. Had his bike there. He loved it. Now its unexpected. Which is ok since I am home. I have all I need for my son to be happy. I just dont have the savings like I did before. I had saved for a long time knowing the day was going to come.

Another thing I am having trouble with is my sons birthday party. His birthday is September 22. Every year I do a super huge party. I mail out invites to everyone I know and every kid on the block and his class. It goes late in to the night after the kids leave. It kind of turns in to an adult party then. I dont know what to do. His party is planned for September 16. I have all the goodies for 32 kids bought. This big treasure hunt ready and planned. But I dont want to deal with it if his family is going to be there. I dont want the tension with him and I. I was thinking of just having his school friends over for it and thats it. But I already have all these things bought. I dont want my son to lose out but I dont have it in me now to do it. To watch him have a good time with his family and friends on my dollar. He hasnt helped me yet with it. Not to mention he never helped me with our son last time I moved out. Or with school clothes.

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When they say trouble comes in three's ,that it no exaggeration.
I can't imagine being in your shoes right now,living together in this situation.

Is there any way you can take some of the goodies back,get your money and have some kind of party that is not going to be emotionally and financially draining?

Or perhaps take your son and one or two friends to a special event?

I don't know his age but there is paintball or laser tag.

Kids are more resilient than we give them credit for and he may like not having the party but doing something special with a few buddies.

Maybe you could pick his brain a little and see what he thinks.

Artsy, I had to spread the good...

Some very good points you brought up here...

I agree with red and you artsy. One minute I am thinking to heck with it. I will make it his last bash. Who cares if I have to smile pretty and pretend its perfect. Then the next minute I think to heck with that. I bust my butt for days before to make it perfect. Why bother now for my husband to have a good time with his family on my behalf.

The thing is I am getting him a DS as a gift because he has wanted one for two years now. But of course he doesn't know that. So the other day I asked him if he wanted a party or the DS. He wants the DS. I could use that as a way to get out of the party. But then I miss the huge surprise on his face when he opens his own DS.

Either way I guess my son wins. Its what I think I can handle.

Yes sunny our children always have to be our priority.

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Originally Posted by 88sunflower

I agree with red and you artsy. One minute I am thinking to heck with it. I will make it his last bash. Who cares if I have to smile pretty and pretend its perfect. Then the next minute I think to heck with that. I bust my butt for days before to make it perfect. Why bother now for my husband to have a good time with his family on my behalf.

The thing is I am getting him a DS as a gift because he has wanted one for two years now. But of course he doesnt know that. So the other day I asked him if he wanted a party or the DS. He wants the DS. I could use that as a way to get out of the party. But then I miss the huge surprise on his face when he opens his own DS.

Either way I guess my son wins. Its what I think I can handle.

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I think that with you, your son will always win.

He will Stringer. I love him to death. That's why I wish I could work around this. All of it including the situation with his father.

The night before this all broke out he said the most off the wall thing to me. Before we moved for a long time I cried constantly. He saw it and it wasn't good. Well just the other night he looks at me and says "mom remember when you used to cry every night" I said "ya honey I remember" He looked me right in the eyes and says "I am glad you dont anymore I didnt like that"

Great! Here we will have to go again.

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Originally Posted by Stringer

I think that with you, your son will always win.

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What were your thoughts Stringer. You mentioned you had some thoughts and never posted.

Two word for you! Chucky Cheese.

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Originally Posted by 88sunflower

What were your thoughts Stringer. You mentioned you had some thoughts and never posted.

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Thanks for asking Sunny. A lot of what I was thinking has been said already. I feel close to you and I wanted to be objective and that made it difficult. Not that I intended to be negative... not in any way. :) Maybe a bit later when I can digest more of my thoughts. I will PM you later too, if that is OK with you?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Two word for ya!! Chucky Cheese.

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We don't have a Chucky Cheese. I don't even know where the closest one is.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Stringer

Thanks for asking Sunny. A lot of what I was thinking has been said already. I feel close to you and I wanted to be objective and that made it difficult. Not that I intended to be negative...not in any way. :) Maybe a bit later when I can digest more of my thoughts. I will PM you later too, if that is ok with you?

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I am OK with that.

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Originally Posted by 88sunflower

I am ok with that.

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Thanks hon.

Its been a long week at home.

I have been up the entire night last night. Now suddenly my husband wants to work on us. I have repeatedly asked him to leave. Offered to find a place for him. Gave him a time limit. Said many things that made good sense. We aren't in love, we hurt each other, we have no trust. Why am I the only one now that has grown and can see this. We had our chance and this time around the mistake was his. It was make it or break it. He made that choice.

How do I make him realize its never ever going to work. Yes, then he says "we can work on it apart" Got to love that one. I take that as we live apart, I stay single so we can work on it while he has her on the side. But of course how would I know that? But then she will be there when he realizes it was good for us to split.

Part of me deep inside wants to try, but we have been there. I even pulled out the line chuff used that I mentioned earlier. I think that's the issue here. With him anyway. I personally look forward now to being alone. I learned so much from my mistake, this site, my friends I have made here and life since all this happened. Why is it I feel like I am pushing and there is no moving.

Hmmm could be a good weekend for a lawn sale. If you get my meaning.

Good for you Sunny. I am glad you are looking positive at this. You know the right thing to do and you are moving forward with it. That takes a lot but you are a strong independent woman. That right there helps a lot. I am proud of you Sunny!

Your son is definitely your priority. I'm sure others have mentioned this, but you want to act in your son's best interest. Having an unhealthy relationship is definitely not in your son's best interest.

It's good that you're willing to leave the past behind and move forward with you and your son's lives.

In addition to focusing on your son, you should spend some time focusing on yourself and doing things for yourself.

Glad to hear that things are looking up for you!

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Originally Posted by I wish

Your son is definitely your priority. I'm sure others have mentioned this, but you want to act in your son's best interest. Having an unhealthy relationship is definitely not in your son's best interest.

It's good that you're willing to leave the past behind and move forward with you and your son's lives.

In addition to focusing on your son, you should spend some time focusing on yourself and doing things for yourself.

Glad to hear that things are looking up for you!

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I wish, thank you. Things are looking OK for me right now. As hard as it is I am doing OK. I want him to move out and he has been looking for places. He told me he doesn't want to move and I told him I am over the marriage. We have tried to make it work to many times and its time to be happy. I have grown comfortable with separating and welcome it and he is fighting it. I guess at this point I am waiting for him to find a place. I have made the choice to get out more and enjoy my life. I can't dwell on what him and I can't fix. We didn't have the right tools to make this work. We didn't come together and unite as one. Like I said its now making him see and he refuses. Not sure what I will do if he doesn't leave.

Hey sunny, the only way to move forward is to take that step,even if he is not.

Make your plans,make a start.