It's FINANCES, like money, income. Not a woman he intends to marry. It's not a typo, it's a read-o.Quote:
Originally Posted by winding200
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It's FINANCES, like money, income. Not a woman he intends to marry. It's not a typo, it's a read-o.Quote:
Originally Posted by winding200
Quote:
Originally Posted by winding200
I completely agree with the last part... thats my problem...
Let’s talk about attachment again. When you start to see the girl, you probably felt you hit the jackpot. The sexist girl in an adult club chose you boyfriend, and you could have her every night by yourself (for free). You were excited, and you did not care what she was.
Now you developed feeling for her, emotionally attached to her, start to see her as ‘your girl’ not the sexy girl. The problem is though she cannot be your girl. You chose a wrong person. You were young & simple; you chose her by sex appealing looks not her values. Her job is dancing with almost naked body, and sexually arousing drunken men every night. She is a dancing sex toy, all men knows every part of her body and movement. You are having the girl at night, but it is not actually yours, every guy's sex toy. You already realized what treatment she is getting when she leave the club at night. Many guys try to have sex with her. How long do you think she will be faithful to you? You could pick her up every night before any drunken men hit on her, but hey, she is striper; no men will respect her as your girlfriend. How long can you live in the pain?
The biggest issue is she even refuses to talk about her job with you any more. As I told you, she will not easily change it. She settled down with the job already. You are not only guy fell for stripers in history. They all tried to change the girls, but failed. PEOPLE DO NOT CHANGE EASILY. You cannot change her. You learned the lessons, and it is great experience for you.
Save moneyas you said, have a great travel together, and try to talk to her. However, you need to resolve your dilemma, and you need to move on from her if she does not change her job in a certain timeline. Make up your mind, do not hurt her feeling, be polite, but break off gradually, and move on . You are very young, and probably adrenalin driven. However, when you choose a girl, review her value as well. Life is not about having sex with great looking girls. Value is equally important as much as looks.
By the way, what are you doing for living?
There is an old saying ' if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen'.
You knew she was a stripper when you first met her. What you didn't know was the effect that it would have on you. Now you do. Clearly it's too hot for you in this 'kitchen'.
I know that it's you living this dilemma and that it's easy for me to say this, but the way I see it you have 2 choices -
You stay in the kitchen and deal with the heat.
You get out.
Staying means accepting what she does for a living with good grace and trusting that she will do the right thing by you. Leaving means understanding that you're not cut out to date a stripper because your mind will always bedevil and torment you.
It's up to you to make the choice.
Your response is so definite, as if there was no instance where a stripper quits and settles down. It's not as if it's once a stripper, always a stripper, and that's the rule. ALL good girls aren't "sexy and give good love", The older I get, the more I realize that things , and people can, and do, change. How do you know that this is not one of those times? You don't. No one does. This guy is smitten with a girl who takes her clothes off for a living. We don't know how she thinks, or what she wants. Does she not have the right ,or should be given the respect and opportunity we all have? This may be "the one" for him, however , the odds are against him. I hope he makes a go of it. But the only way is to let it happen according to her schedule and plans. Strippers are strong willed by nature, and I'm sure she has an agenda. It's making your life around THAT is what's so hard. I wish you luck.Quote:
Originally Posted by winding200
I disagree.
PEOPLE DO NOT CHANGE.
The big mistake people make in relationship is they try to change their partners for some reason. There is old phrase. 'do not make your partner as A project.' It will make both miserable. As you mentioned, stripping is rooted to the strong human nature, sex, and it is addictive. What make you sure that she will walk away from it, and clean from stripping for the rest of life? How can she break off 100% suddenly?
PEOPLE DO NOT CHANGE ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY ARE NOT STRONGLY MOTIVATED.
I do not know what agenda she had, how long she had the job, but she COULD take off her clothes at the first place, she actually STARTED to do it, and CONTINUOUSLY doing it until now. If she hated the job, she would left long time ago. Stripping is not the only job she could have, she seems smart girl, but she chose to keep it for living until now. It means it is acceptable for her. Why should she make it as NOT acceptable to make boyfriend happy? If she think it is acceptable, even though she change her job for a while to please boyfriend, possibly she will go back. Besides of boyfriend happy, she has no issue. How long she will put her effort?
PEOPLE CANNOT CHANGE OTHERS WHEN THEY ARE NOT WILLING TO CHANGE Themselves.
I do not see any clear indication she wants to change it by herself. She even does not want to talk about it. Talking is first step, and the easiest one. People make plans easily, but execution and sticking with it is really hard. The first step, talking, is not even there. Even though she has clear plan & and determination, it will be difficult to break off from the life style. She does not have it at all. Tell me how can HE change her to do it?
I agree he has pure love for her. However, I cannot recommend this young man to live in the dilemma, develop more feelings, attached to the girl who will not giver him healthy future.
Winding200, We don't really know that much about this girl now do we? We really have no idea what her plans are.
And people change careers every day. Peanut farmers don't always have to farm peanuts. They can change jobs radically. Like maybe be the President of the United States. People change , that's life. Some people stay the same, some people change their life for the better.
Have you ever heard the expression :
"If you can't stand the heat ,get out of the kitchen"?
That is my advice to you.
Jmjoshep,
I agree people change jobs, but it requires determination and efforts. If it is about the job change from farming to fishing, it would not be a problem, but this is about stripping. This young man is confused and suffering every night while she is stripping. Should he stay with her, pretent everything is oK, and just hope she change her job for him one day in her timeline and plan? She even does not want him to talk about it. What are you suggsting? Are we trying to make him feel good or are we actually giving him a good advice even though it is painful initially?
He says "i just see it ripping us apart now" in his own word.
I gave my response... to him, it's on here.Quote:
Originally Posted by winding200
I think she is in it to enjoy it, and so should he be. 3 months is to soon for a long range plan, and I doubt anything changes, until he recognizes the reality of his situation, which is already driving him crazy.
I see no longterm commitments without a lot of big changes, nor should he expect any. I sure wouldn't, but I wouldn't be living with a stripper, after just meeting her.
A great body, and a good personality, doesn't mean life partner by itself.
Someone may have already addressed this, but I have to as well.Quote:
Originally Posted by winding200
How dare you? People don't change? Well dear, you're wrong.
When I was younger, naïve, stupid, and didn't give a damn, I did a lot of things I regret now. I slept with everything that moved and had a penis, I did nude modeling, I even had one very stupid night where I did strip in a strip club, but decided it wasn't for me.
Well, now I'm happily married, have two beautiful children and yes, I've changed, big time.
Telling someone that he doesn't have a chance at a "healthy future" with a stripper, that's not only naïve, but also very wrong.
Until you've walked in someone else's shoes, don't be so quick to judge. :(
Get in line. ;)Quote:
jmjoseph agrees: Thanks for helping with this one. Now, let's talk about those photos... I would be glad to hold them for safekeeping..
Are they THAT good? I'll need a peek before I camp out in line...Quote:
Originally Posted by Altenweg
You, know she can love you and still do her job, I wouldn't worry too much, you know your girl, there are strippers that would do it with anyone, but then there are girls like yours that are only there for show and money, and they are committed. I think you have a committed one. Look deep it your heart, and if you do really love her, and she loves you, you both will grow into one someday. Don't be to critical of her right now. You have only dated a few months, I'm 52 yr old, and few months flies by, but for you it's and eternity when I love. I can't guarantee everything is going to be OK, but let your and her love take its course. You'll know if if its right or not eventually. In the mean time enjoy each other, hey that is the most important thing you can do. Good Luck, I know how it is to be in love too, even at 52 you have to listen , talk, and be patient, and it works, again good luck to you, Cheers!
Thanks a lot man... I came on here to see if there was a positive answer and that's one of the only ones... I love this girl very much.. and I know I do...Quote:
Originally Posted by tomsdiner
There are more positive answers, however there are even more telling you to run. What are your plans?Quote:
Originally Posted by Shinobi01
I'm undecided as of yet... I need to have a serious think about what I want to do..Quote:
Originally Posted by jmjoseph
Have fun, but don't get so carried away by your feelings, is what I would do.
Yeah I'm trying to hold back on them you know...Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
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