I did end up talking to her over MSN. (throughout most of out relationship we have talked consistently over MSN)

I noticed twice on Friday that she came on line from work for a minute or 2 and then left again. She then did it twice on Tuesday. She never comes online from work.

On the second time she came on, I decided to say hi.

She gave me a friendly hi back and we chatted back and forth for 15 minutes. (It seemed like 2 minutes) There was lots of laughing and smiling and then I said I better let her get back to work. She said she should and then added that it was nice chatting. I came away feeling great. As soon as she came online we started chatting and as soon as we were done, she left. I had the impression that she was coming fishing for me to say something or trying to get up the nerve to say something herself. Just a guess though.

Since then, I have chatted with her twice and she has said that she will talk me later.

Today I got back in the office and she was online again from work so I decided to hi again. She said hi back and then said that she was about to go offline. I told her that I wouldn't keep her from work and she said "Ok, yes, I better get back to work, I will talk to you later"

Since I started writing this, we have started talking again. She has been telling me about the trouble her kids are getting in to.

And advice for a next step?

I'm married to a woman who was a single mother for 12 years.

I think the "rules" are different here.

I think if you want to reach out to her, you should... a couple of times. After that, be done.

It took time for my wife and I to come to a place where we were comfortable with being together, even tho' we were good together right away as friends. Children simply complicate the relationship.

Now... before I get reddied for that comment let me say I hung in there for almost two years... her child said she HATED me... took several years for her to see the good in me even when I saw it in her immediately.

So... I guess my advice is that a single mother of a child isn't in the same situation as a single woman.

And sometimes you need to be brave and willing to try a little harder than you'd like.

If I walked away when I thought I should I wouldn't have my son.

So... no easy answer.

At some point you need to be willing to walk away and believe you deserve to be chased. But at the same time, knowing this person as long as you have, I think its OK to extend yourself a few times and to keep the door open some.

A parents first priority should be the health of the child. Doesn't mean the parents/partners relationship should be neglected at the child's expense.

But having been in a similar place, tho' not the same, id say give a single mother a few more chances to be open to your love.

After that... well... I honestly believe there are loves in our lives who are true loves but at the wrong times... I know of two women I believe I could have loved the rest of my life, but it was the "wrong time" for our relationship.

Sucks to be in this place... and this is where you might be... with the "right woman" at the wrong time... but it does happen.

Take a few more shots just to know you tried all you could. After that... you need to walk away knowing you did all you could.

My wife and I met at an italian place at a critical moment... both of us thinking this was the "goodbye" dinner. Somehow we both came away knowing we were both honestly interested... life was getting in the way... and we gave it more time...

Sorry you are in this place. Don't be afraid to extend yourself a few more times.

And don't be afraid to walk away if that is what you need. You deserve to be chased too.
If she isn't ready for that... well... its "bad timing"...

Now don't do anything more than chat over MSN.

This is the response I expected from her.

Let her initiate anything further.

If you will do anything she will feel you are trying to push her.

She hadn't dumped you. She is not sure whether to continue with you or not.

There is a big difference in both the things. All the best.

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Originally Posted by dipti jain

Now don't do anything more than chat over MSN.

This is the response i expected from her.

Let her initiate anything further.

If you will do anything she will feel you are trying to push her.

She hadn't dumped you. She is not sure whether to continue with you or not.

There is a big difference in both the things. All the best.

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Thank you for the advice. Please expand on your thinking here. I'm not sure what you mean by "She hadn't dumped you...." and "There is a big difference...."

Also, because it seems that this is all because I put too much pressure on her and rushed things too much (This was never my intention, but I think that is how she feels) I wrote her an email saying that I was sorry and that I never intended to rush the relationship, I was happy the taking it easy and the way it was. Do you think I should send it or hold in to it for a while?

I have initiated contact (through MS) 3 or 4 times now. When we talk, she seems OK and she laughs. But she hasn't initiated contacting me. I don't know what to make of this. Maybe I'm expecting things too soon?

She has dumped you, and you know it. Don't be fooled into thinking you have not been.

Sounds like your in the friend zone, and need to back away. If she is feeling so overwhelmed in just 6 months, then you two may have been moving way to fast for her to make adjustments, so let her. She will let you know. You have to give her that time to think without your influence,

I would suggest in the future, taking more time for dating, and getting to know each other better, before letting the kids get involved with who you are dating.

Too much, to fast, crash and burn.

Your not on the same page-she needs space so she can find out what she wants from life-you seem to be spending most of your time trying to figure out how to get back to where you were.that was then-now is now-and tomorrow s tomorrow.you seem to be spending a lot of time trying to secondguess your ex.you cant. She said she needs space-give it to her.

Well, I cannot elaborate a thinking and feeling of a single mother interested in someone but thinking again and again.

There are always ups and downs in life be it any relation and a true relation comes out of it. Any mother always prefer her kids well being then her happiness. But it doesn't mean she give up her life. Here also, she needs time to think what is right for her life.

According to me, you initiated contact more than 2 times which was sufficient to let her know, you are still open for her.

But don't initiate chat with her now. If she feel happy with you, she will initiate it. Be patient. You had done enough on your part. Even if you meet online let her take step first.

So I decided that I had broken the ice and wasn't going to contact her any more for a month. I hadn't talked to her in about 4 days then the oddest thing happened. I came home yesterday and there was a message on my phone from her son, asking if my son could call him. I find this very odd considering her son doesn't know my phone number and she would have to dial it for him. I know there is no way that she would let him get hurt (emotionally) so why would she let him call me. It doesn't seem appropriate if she wants to be broken up.

I left it alone until this morning and sent her an email saying that I got the message late and would have my son call him tonight. I was also polite and asked her how her weekend was and wished her a good day. (My kids and her kids get along very well and they talk about each other all the time when they are not there)

I got an email back from her telling me all about what they did on the weekend and how they didn't get to do all the things they wanted because she had a headache yesterday and that they went to the movies and how she didn't like the movie but the kids did. She then went on to tell me that she will tell her son that my son will call him tonight and how excited he will be to hear that. She then told me that she hoped I had a good day too.

I find all of this very confusing.

ImaGuy, I just broke contact recently myself. I went 1 month of NC and basically our relationship ended because life got in the way as well plus the distance (LD relationship). I have to say I agree with kp2171's post above about taking a shot. I did the other night. I feel OK about it. I think the only time you should make contact is when the emotional dust has settled. I reached out to her to keep the door open. I wasn't needy, desperate or anything. We both said we missed each other, but I didn't go further with that. I think you need to maybe slow down just a tad and like everyone else said, wait for her move now. You've already inititiated contact too much it seems and are reading into everything she does.

In my opinion, only make contact with your ex when you're fully prepared for the worst and will be able to take the worst. Chances are, they don't usually tell you what you want to hear. I've sort of been going back and forth in my head about our tiny text conversation from the other night because I may be reading too much into it. But I was prepared for that. I know her life is still sort of chaotic and will continue to give her space. I've been OK since.

Good luck to you, and I hope you can move on as a happier and better person through this relationship. Take care.

Imaaguy wouldn't smother her right now, she doesn't need that. Let her make the moves! It seems you are do the trying more so, and she doesn't need that. You have to back off and respect her wishes. IF this relationship is to go anywhere its now up to her. Good luck.

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Originally Posted by sully123

Imaaguy wouldn't smother her right now, she doesn't need that. Let her make the moves! It seems you are do the trying more so, and she doesn't need that. You have to back off and respect her wishes. IF this relationship is to go anywhere its now up to her. Good luck.

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Maybe I wasn't clear in how I described the events of the last couple of days. I contacted her last week for the purpose of breaking the ice. I hadn't contacted her in serveral days and wasn't planning on contacting her for a while.

However, she helped her son to contact me looking for my son. I replied to the contact to say that I would have him return the call. What I got back was a long description of what she did this weekend and how excited her son will be to hear from my son.

I find this very strange but I don't see it as a negative. However, after my son returns the call, I will continue to not contact her unless she contacts me.

That is fine, for your son to contact her son. But for now, as much as your hurting, I would just give her the space she wants. Let her make the moves. She seems to be a little confused on the relationship. Whatever the reaon is, the less pressure you give her, the more she will come around, if its meant to be. Doesn't sound to me, that's it's all lost yet. Good luck.

I agree with Sully, as far as the kids go, but you two should step back from each other, and build slowly, as what's the hurry, and why stress the poor girl?

I would pay more attention to the kids having fun, than you, and her. Any rush to blend your families this early on, ( 6/7 months? Come on, that's way too much to fast.) would be rushing things. Being patient, thoughtfully, and paying attention, could make all the difference in the world.

I know, my thinking and suggestions are entirely against everybody else here.

I had only given my suggestions based on how a woman with kids feel for a relationship.

According to me, You broke the ice between you two.

Let the things happen genuinely, I won't see anything confusing in it. She want a friend at this moment and not a boy friend. So just be her friend. She is afraid of her own feelings for you, concerning whether it is good for the kids, if she get into permanent relationship.