Ultimately I want to be in a relationship with her. She hasn't been herself the last month, and we need to talk about it in person. No more texting. I'm having such a tough time with this because it is so unlike her. Before she started acting this way, she was an amazing companion, and I could not have dreamed of a better partner.

I haven't heard from her since she left me the message saying that she made it to vegas on Sunday night, which I didn't respond to. Now this morning she sends me a text asking if I am OK. I haven't respnded. And now as I was typing she sends me another message. "mad?"

You're are right I am confused. Like I said I want a relationship with her. One mintute she says she wants to work on us, the next minute she doesn't. It's frustrating to say the least.

Well we are going in a circle now, because you are just so available, every time she texts you go crazy.

Forget her until she comes back. You can accomplish nothing until she gets back any way.

You do realize your doing this to yourself don't you?

How much time do you really want to spend trying to figure out what's going on in this young lady's mind and heart?don't allow yourself to suffer this any longer.

OK, so it's been quite a while since I've been on here. I've been doing quite a bit better for the most part.

When I last posted on here, I had just been told by the ex she wanted a break and she was down in Vegas. She went hot and cold towards me several times while she was in Vegas. When she got home, she told me she wanted to make it work, and that she was going to come see me that weekend to talk it out. Just like her behaviour in the month previous, she didn't end up coming, but instead getting drunk with her friends, and sending me some pervese drunken text messages. I finally called her and just said look this is ridiculous, and I don't deserve to have drunken texts thrown at me every few days. I told her I needed my space from her, and that maybe after we each collected our thoughts for some time we could get togeather and chat about some things. She agreed to that, except to only send me some more drunk texts the following weekend. This time they were quite rude, and she accused me of sleeping with some girl that she was jelous of, but I had never had any relations with whatsoever. Anyway, this was a mistake on my part, but I phoned her the next day and left a message. I just said look, you're obviously really upset about somehting, so if you need to talk about it, I'm here. It seems like we're not going to have the space we need until you get whatever is bothering you off your chest. She responded via text, just saying that she couldn't be with me, because it wasn't right, and that I was an amazing guy, but it was her not me, and that she wasn't herself when she was with me and all the typical cliché break up lines. I just said well if that's the way you feel, then I respect that, and know that I care for you, and I left it at that.

Then 3 weeks or so went by with NC. Then I got a text from her asking her when I was going to be in the city. I was assuming she just wanted to come get the rest of her stuff from my place. I responded just saying that I wasn't to sure, as was going to back on the farm for harvest for a few weeks. Then 2 days after she text me again, saying that she had a 3 hour layover in the city where I lived if I still wanted to chat, and that if I couldn't make it she would come see me in person when they were finsihed harvest on their farm or when they got rained out. I just said no can do, but that maybe we could meet up for a tea or something when harvest settled down for both of us.

Again 2 weeks or so weny by NC. Then she text me again giving me her new number because she changed it, and just asking how harvest was going for me, and when I was going to be back in the city. We made some small chat via text. And then another week of NC. Now again on Sunday night she texts me asking if I'm back in the city. I said I would be here for most of the week, but that I would be in a city close to where she is living for one day during the week. She asked what I was doing there, and when I told her I had been offered a job at a company there, she was very inquisitive, and impressed with the role I had been offered. (I had been looking for a career out there for sometime while we were together as we both wanted to live out there together) She asked how I had gotten the interview, and when I told her that a friend I had met had an ucle who was a VP with the company, she immediately questioned if it was a girl that I had met. When I told her it was, she said she figured it was, and then she asked if I was seeing her. I told her we were just friends and that I had told this new girl that I had just gotten out of a relationship and that I wan't looking for anything. (this is what happned) She just said OK, and asked what day I was going to be there. Then she asked me "did you still want togehter for a talk?" I didn't respond as I was in a meeting, and she wrote back again after an hour and said "well you think about it and let me know."

This morning I text her telling her I would be there tomorrow, but that my day was already full as I had to fly there and back within the day. I just said we'll play it by ear I guess. Then she asked if I was going to take the position, and told me it would be a great opportunity for me. I haven't responded. I do need to tell her that she needs to come get the rest of her stuff from my place though.

I guess I feel like I don't really know where she is at. I do feel like she is maybe trying to reach out to me, but on the other hand it's hard to get a good read on her because all of this is via text which is very frustrating. I have been doing much better, been very active with friends and the gym etc. I do still have feelings for her however, and I want to play my cards right. Do I call her, or text her telling her that she needs to come get her stuff, and maybe we can have a chat then, or do I just let it go again, and wait for her to contact me again. I do feel she is curious about this new position I've been offered, and that she will probably eventually contact me to see how my meetings with the prospective employer went. Sorry for the long post. Thoughts and comments appreciated. Thanks.

If it was me I would text her saying she needs to get her stuff and when she comes to get it take her out to dinner and discuss everything. Lay it all on the line- tell her were either getting back together or its over. If she's still unsure or is giving you vague answers then be done with her completely. Sounds like she's just stringing you along and is totally messing with you for the most part.

Just thought I would give a quick update. She continued texting me this afternoon even without me responding. In regards to my job decision, she just said "follow your heart and don't let the $ decide" then she said "well good luck tomorrow, and let me know what you decide" I still didn't respond. Then she text me asking if I was at my house. I responded a few hours later telling her I wasn't there but would be shortly. She said "no big deal I was just looking for something, but it's all good, have a good night." I figured this was a good time to tell her she needed to come get her stuff since I had just rented my house out for Nov. 1st. I just said "I forgot to tell you today that the house is gone as of Nov. 1st, so you need to come get your stuff." Hasn't been that long yet but still no response.I want to be straight with her, and make sure she knows I need my space, yet not be cold. So hard to do via this damn text messaging!

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So hard to do via this damn text messaging!

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While you were texting for some failed hook up/chat nonsense, you could have easily told her to get her stuff by such and such date, and been done with it, so don't blame the lack on communication on the medium, it was you prolonging the inevitable. The sooner you handle your business the right way and stop that insane texting, the sooner you can find your own happiness, and end this nonsense texting over nothing.

We all can see you want that last chance to see if something can change, but it won't.

You're right. I guess I did't tell her she needed to get her stuff right away, because I was trying to feel her out a little bit, and get an idea of where she was at with things. Would I still like things to work out? Of course, but I am also in a lot better spot than I was 2 months ago if it doesn't. Doesn't her more frequent contact with me, and her interest in my career opportunities and her asking if I'm seeing anybody, show that she is in a little different spot than she was 2 months ago?

She responded to me telling her she needed to get her stuff this morning. She just said "yes I know, we've been going steady (with harvest) but I move today, so I will have some time to make a trip up there." Where she's moving to I have no idea. One of the two major cities that neighbor their farm I guess.

I think you do yourself a disservice by always reacting to what she texts you as clearly from what she has written (and you) your still holding out hope.

If she is to busy to discuss your future, take the hint, and be concerned with your own future without her. She simply has no time for what you want. You have been reduced to text buddy, accept it, and act accordingly.

Yes, I will admit still holding out hope. Ridiculous, maybe. I guess I just feel there won't be closure until we can sit down face to face and resolove it one way or another. If we are meant to go our own ways for good, that's the way it should happen. Not just her leaving one day saying she's going back home to help out on the farm for a few days...

We have both been too busy to discuss our futures lately. And she has contacted me twice, asking if I still wanted to chat. To me that shows that she is at least somewhat willing to give me some time no?

She maybe willing to tell you to your face she is moving ahead with her life without you, but hasn't done it, and neither have you. That should be your closure, at least a strong hint, the relationship is not a priority in her life, and neither is getting her "stuff".

Don't be fooled by willingness, and no actions to back that willingness up. That's holding on to false hope, and delays the healing process from starting for you.

You could be 100% right. I guess what bothers me about that is why? I honestly don't know where this all came from. Outside of us being unhappy with where we were living, the relationship was good. We both recognized we needed a change of place, and I was working to make that happen. I could understand if there was something that I did that hurt her, or something I wasn't doing, but like I said the relationship seemed good, and if there was something bothering her, why couldn't she just talk to me about it. We were normally very good at having mature conversations about when something was bothering someone, and resolved issues quickly and painlessly. If there was something that I wasn't doing, why not talk to me about it, rather than just moving out with no explanation?

The explanation doesn't matter. What matters is that she longer wants to put the effort anymore. You can't force someone to put the effort, it has to happen naturally. Respect her wishes and move on. I know it's tough to accept this truth, but the sooner you accept the truth about your situation, the sooner you can get on with your life.

Dude even in the most perfect relationships, when the feelings change, the person changes.

When you are in that position (your feelings change, and you just want out) you may get a better understanding of what happened.

Sometimes we don't want to fix things, we just want out of the relationship.

Threads merged

Hi all. About 5 months ago, my girlfriend and I got back together after we took a break for about 3 months. Previously we were together for a year and a half. We have been doing the long distance thing, and like most LD relationships it's been frustrating for both of us at times. About a week ago she told me she needs a break again. The last time I talked to her (about 5 days ago) she had agreed to see a relationship councilor with me, as she will be in the city where I live at the end of the week. I was supposed to contact her with and let her know when I was able to get an appt. We had been talking about doing this for sometime. We were also going to have some Myers Briggs work done as well, in an attempt to really try and understand one another better. Now I've noticed she has deleted me from Facebook, and I haven't heard anything from her. I feel this is a little immature on her part, and I'm not too sure where to go with it. The first time she told me she wanted some space, she broke up with me in much the same way, not ever really talking to me directly about what was going on. So do I call her, and let her know I've arranged to see someone? I know I should, but I have a feeling she's going to say "there's no point, this isn't going to work anyway." I know I should call her as that's what the original plan was, but I've seen her pull stuff like this before, and I'm wondering if I should just leave it be, and implement NC already? I really need some for of closure with this, as I was in the process of changing my career path, in an attempt to move closer to her. The career transition is something I've been considering doing for myself for a long time, but being closer to her was definitely a part of the decision, and now I find myself questioning the move. Your advice is appreciated.

I would send one email to let her know about the appointment-if she's not interested,I'd say,no contact and move on with your own life.

I agree to send the email,but if this is her usual way of dealing with the situation,perhaps rethinking the whole relationship is the best thing to do,and certainly avoid any major life decision re: moving,until you are completely happy with the situation,and have considered all angles.

Sorry guy, but she doesn't sound like she is going to go along with your plan. That would be twice now this has happened. Hmmm, could this be starting a pattern that you should be paying attention too?

No communications, no relationship. No matter how hard you try.

I just read this whole post not realizing this has been going on for several months and multiple episodes. Listen, I see it like this.

It's a LDR, she despondent, and the pulse is weak.

Pull the plug.

You know I'm terribly blunt. I'm not apologizing for that because sometimes that's what the doctor ordered. I know you love her but you're holding on to a greased pig. As soon as she finds another mate she'll wiggle free from you and cut you off clean.

All right, so I've been doing the NC thing for about 3 weeks now. She emailed me once. It was an excuse to reach out to me. She works for a company that I use with my business, and she said she had some things for me. Funny part was I hadn't even heard of what she was talking about, and if I had, it should be my rep that contacts me not her. I ignored it completely. Now about a week later she sends me a text message. She asked if I still have her I pod dock, or if it's at my old place. (I am in the process of moving.) Again I wonder if it's an excuse to make contact. I've had this damn thing since way before the first time she broke up with me. Why is she worried about it now? I also think it was a way for me to have her new number. She changed her number and had not told me about it. Now, I obviously have her new number. If she really didn't want me to have it, she could have emailed, text from her work cell, or called from her home or work numbers. She sent this a day ago. I want to ignore this one too, but she is asking about stuff that is hers. I really don't want to break NC as I've been doing good with it, but I guess I should acknowledge that I still do have one of her things. Thoughts??