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Originally Posted by checkmarkfill

he said he would rather never meet them but at the end said yes.

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Wow, never meet your parents? :eek:

That is a pretty strong statement if you ask me.

I guess he wasn't planning on being at the wedding then. :cool:

It sounds like he is hiding his true feelings and intentions from you.

If you try to pry them out he will fight you for sure, you can gently force them out using the no contact rule.

But!

You need to follow a good plan not just "stop talking" to him... understand?

Before you start freaking out about what happened look at it for what it is, an opportunity to make your relationship stronger.

Every relationship must grow to thrive and survive, and I feel a big growing pain coming on for you two.

But don't worry, with the right plan and attitude, you can lick this and evolve into a better couple.

Contact me if you need more advice on how to properly use no contact... OK?

Ok guys I agree with you and you are giving reasonable answers. At least we are all agreeing that they should talk together and work things out if it is possible. I voiced some different opinions as it seems sometimes people in this forum are going for the break up for some situations a bit too fast, but this is mostly due to my culture. My parents have been sticking together for 40 years and always trying to work things over when there is a problem, so this is the role model I have received and respect.

Dump him. There's something wrong with your boyfriend. This is a red flag. Do it now before its too late. This just prove that he is not serious in your relationship.

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Originally Posted by Bullitt103

Dump him. There's something wrong with your boyfriend. This is a red flag. Do it now before its too late. This just prove that he is not serious in your relationship.

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Sheshh, is that your answer to any problem? Dumping someone?

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Originally Posted by paxe

Ok guys I agree with you and you are giving reasonable answers. At least we are all agreeing that they should talk together and work things out if it is possible. I voiced some different opinions as it seems sometimes people in this forum are going for the break up for some situations a bit too fast, but this is mostly due to my culture. My parents have been sticking together for 40 years and always trying to work things over when there is a problem, so this is the role model I have received and respect.

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Following marriage, dumping should be a last option.
While dating, dumping is a more than reasonable option, because it's better to walk away from signs of trouble then to marry into them.

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Originally Posted by Justwantfair

Following marriage, dumping should be a last option.
While dating, dumping is a more than reasonable option, because it's better to walk away from signs of trouble then to marry into them.

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Agreed but she needs to talk calmly to her first and even state she may leave him if he doesn't change.

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Originally Posted by paxe

Agreed but she needs to talk calmly to her first and even state she may leave him if he doesn't change.

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The problem you aren't gathering, is she talked to him, he made an agreement for a meeting and bailed when there. Now the opportunity is passed for a meeting, so any promise of change can't even happen. I believe that the initial conversation was enough.

Well, she could express how she feels with him and have a serious talk explaining how important it is to hear. She should give him at least one chance because there is always a chance to see her parents again.

My answer to your problem is to ----- DUMP YOUR BOYFRIEND! It's simple as that. This guy is obviously not serious with you. This is a red flag! Get out while its still early. I'm a guy myself... and the same thing happened to me. I mean, my girl friend's parents lives in another country. Since I love my girl friend so much, I myself was the one who suggested to meet her parents. We visited her parents and I was able to meet not only the parents but the other relatives as well. We are getting married this coming September. You deserve a better boyfriend/partner in life than this a**hole! Dump him now! Or regret it the rest of your life!

I would say the same thing as most people here, but my experience of living in Latin America and now Asia has changed my views. Especially in Asia, many couples will still stay in an uncomfortable relationship b.c. of their kids and they always try to work on it themsleves while struggling. Maybe also financially they can't afford to have a divorce, but they tend to stay together, take it slow to work things out. And guess what, most of the cases it did work out!!

I do feel that people in the US seem to "give up" way to soon, or perhaps they step into marriage thinking, "If this doesn't work, I can always get out." B.c. we have more financial freedom and strong individualism culture. No one will comment on your previous marriage, or it will not affect your career development. While in Asia, if you are divorced, people will know then talk about you in the office, make you look bad no matter why you got a divorce. In my opinion, marriage should be set for a lifetime and one should take the vows, knowing that. After all, the vows state: for richer or poorer, sickness and health, better or worse... every "problem" and "joy" in marriage pretty much falls under those three categories.

And I would like to ask OP one quesion: what kind of persons your parents are? Are they very judgemental? Conservative? Or have you talked to your boyfriend before that they didn't like him?

It's more complicated than simply telling OP - drop him! ( I am not saying her boyfriend has no issues, but they NEED TO WORK ON IT before you advise her to drop him!)

The way I see it is make it work before you make a commitment. Sometimes giving up way too soon is the best way because often when we try to hang on we lose our sense of perspective and stay way too long when we should have bailed out.

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Originally Posted by CFZD

I would say the same thing as most people here, but my experience of living in Latin America and now Asia has changed my views. Especially in Asia, many couples will still stay in an uncomfortable relationship b.c. of their kids and they always try to work on it themsleves while struggling. Maybe also financially they can't afford to have a divorce, but they tend to stay together, take it slow to work things out. And guess what, most of the cases it did work out !!!!

I do feel that people in the US seem to "give up" way to soon, or perhaps they step into marriage thinking, "If this doesn't work, I can always get out." B.c. we have more financial freedom and strong individualism culture. No one will comment on your previous marriage, or it will not affect your career development. While in Asia, if you are divorced, people will know then talk about you in the office, make you look bad no matter why you got a divorce. In my personal opinion, marriage should be set for a lifetime and one should take the vows, knowing that. After all, the vows state: for richer or poorer, sickness and health, better or worse...every "problem" and "joy" in marriage pretty much falls under those three categories.

And I would like to ask OP one quesion: what kind of persons your parents are? Are they very judgemental? conservative? or have you talked to your bf before that they didn't like him?

It's more complicated than simply telling OP - drop him!! ( I am not saying her bf has no issues, but they NEED TO WORK ON IT before you advise her to drop him!)

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I agree with you 100%. It's about the same culture in the Middle East ( where I come from ), and divorce is very rare. The couples do have the options but most likely they will work on their marriage. I have seen divorces and it is not nice at all. The toll on the kids is tremendous! This affects their entire lives. Sometimes it is good to fight for a relationship before breaking up. The OP's boyfriend has one flaw and I do believe it can be changed. As I said before it's not like he is abusing her...

To let you know nothing's changed. We haven't seen each other since then. We only speak briefly on the phone and he is the one making calls. I won't initiate anything, just waiting for him to make the move. The least he could do is start a serious conversation followed by an honest apology. The best would be to plan a visit to my parents all by his will. I'm willing to start again if he finds a way to fix this. Which I feel won't happen since the time is just passing by.

What worries me is like someone said he should be glad to meet them if he loves me and is serious about us. To answer you, my parents ask about him and want to meet him. I told both sides they would probably get along great and he had nothing to worry about. Maybe he was very nervous but didn't want to admit or something. Or I'm making up excuses for him while this is a clear deal breaker.

We will talk but it can't work one way. I want to talk any time but no signs of it on his side. Maybe he knows he blew it and now don't know what to do.

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Originally Posted by checkmarkfill

to let u know nothing's changed. we haven't seen each other since then. we only speak briefly on the phone and he is the one making calls. i won't initiate anything, just waiting for him to make the move. the least he could do is start a serious conversation followed by an honest apology. the best would be to plan a visit to my parents all by his will. i'm willing to start again if he finds a way to fix this. which i feel won't happen since the time is just passing by.

what worries me is like someone said he should be glad to meet them if he loves me and is serious about us. to answer you, my parents ask about him and wanna meet him. i told both sides they would probably get along great and he had nothing to worry about. maybe he was very nervous but didn't wanna admit or something. or i'm making up excuses for him while this is a clear deal breaker.

we will talk but it can't work one way. i wanna talk any time but no signs of it on his side. maybe he knows he blew it and now don't know what to do.

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It sounds really weird to me that he should respond like this over this issue. Clearly, there is something else going on here! Perhaps it's simply about waiting and when he's ready he will talk about it. I really hope so.

There really is nothing for you to do, and maybe that's best, as he has to see your not happy, and has to want to fix things. That may make him talk, it may not. If it doesn't, to put it bluntly, that's his tough luck.