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Ask Me Help Desk (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/forum.php)
-   Relationships (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/forumdisplay.php?f=277)
-   -   My "Friend With Benefits" (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=38125)

  • Oct 20, 2006, 02:57 PM
    SINGLE4
    I just want to make one thing clear here! When I do start dating somebody... I do not go on booty calls with my fwb and visa versa! If I start to date someone... my fwb stops!

    Yes... I am "horny"! I started to experience good sex at age 28! Before then, sex was NOT enjoyable! I've been told that I am in my prime and I am scared to loose that drive! Just wish I had a committed relationship to burn that energy!

    Also... I am 32 and have had 9 partners in my life! To some that may be a lot but not according to people that I know!
  • Oct 20, 2006, 02:59 PM
    Wildcat21
    Well - I know women in the 40's that are hornier than ever. Don't worry about that stuff at all.
  • Oct 20, 2006, 02:59 PM
    SINGLE4
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Wildcat21
    The guys might learn something very important there. Trust me.
    I do trust you and I need to be strong! He wants to talk about this yet but... there is nothing to talk about! I told him that I am not mad at him I just need time to take care of myself so I can work on my self-esteem... period!

    I wanted to walk out of this without upsetting him but...
  • Oct 20, 2006, 03:03 PM
    BIM
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Wildcat21
    Well - I know women in the 40's that are hornier than ever. Don't worry about that stuff at all.

    O.K. Should I be worried. I'm 40--I don't have much of a sex drive--used to in my mid 30's.

    Tell me some the 40's women's secrets Cat.

    I'm signing off for a while, gots ta go. I'll try and catch up later.

    Good thread goin' here. I may need help with my sex life too.:rolleyes:
  • Oct 20, 2006, 03:12 PM
    SINGLE4
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Wildcat21
    Why not go out and find a new guy - new beginnings. Have a healthy relationship.
    Yah... that won't be hard! Ha Ha

    I don't know how to go about meeting a nice guy living in a small town and not getting out much because I have a daughter to tend to! My friends try to hook me up but the guys are always 40 years old or older and we have nothing in common!

    It is a lot harder around here than yous know!!

    Sorry if I bite back at anybody! I am sleep depreived and stressed out! I need a weekend to be by myself and cry! I never want a man to see me sweat!! I'll get it out and move on!
  • Oct 20, 2006, 03:23 PM
    Wildcat21
    "Tell me some the 40's womens secrets Cat." - going slow - takes time to warm up the engine. Forepaly - foreplay can last all day. Hopefully you're with a guy who can put things in your mind... when my gal says no - I am reall yhappy BECAUSE I have her THINKING about it now - half the battle... slow. Most guys would get mad and all frustrated - nope. It's a mind game.

    I put things in my gals mind all day - maybe a text in the morning telling her she's beautiful.

    Plus I think you got use the equipment. It's good to go solo if you know what I mean. Seriously - do you have good toys?

    Do you know all your 'spots'? - Does your guy understand a women's ENTIRE body is an erogenous zone??

    Also - do you work out regularly? Take vitamins. Eat well... ALL EXTREMELY IMPORTANT TO A GREAT SEX LIFE!!

    NOP MORE JUNK FOOD!! NO MORE!! NOT WORTH IT!!

    WALK A LOT - RUN - LIFT WEIGHTS - PLAY SPORTS!
  • Oct 20, 2006, 03:40 PM
    Gillion
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SINGLE4
    I don't know if I am having feelings for this guy! I initially thought the reason I liked him was because of the attention (besides sex) that he gave me and the compliments! I liked a warm body beside me!
    That is usually a reason quite a few young women get into trouble with idiot men... they need a warm body beside them. And all I ask is this, where is the self control ?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SINGLE4
    Yes... I know his mind is on this girl and I told him that and he claims it isn't but of course... he will tell me what he wants me to hear to get the "benefits" that he wants! I may be blonde but... I'm not stupid! I think we have been "fwb" for too long! Something was bound to happen I guess!
    Yes that "something to happen" is called reality.


    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SINGLE4
    I somewhat disagree with the "don't wanna listen as a friend!" Where I come from... friends don't "mess around" with their friends "fwb"! I am hurt about what she said about me! Am I jealousy of his feelings for her... yes! I will be honest!
    Jealous why ?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SINGLE4
    Also... I took your advise! Him and I have been texting back and forth all morning and I text him a half hour ago saying "the benefits have run out" and "I think you are only a friend because of the benefits"! He didn't take it well! This was his response!

    "That really sucks you think that of me. If thats the case, I won't touch you or even attempt anything again! I am the one asking for us to go do something all the time, and it never happens! Last Saturday, last night and tomorrow! What have I done so horrible to people involved with my life that makes everybody think I am a heartless soul? I would do anything for the ones I care about!"

    First off... thank you for the advise and second... how do I respond back?
    You tell him simply, he has to keep his word and failing to do so will mean he looses you as a friend permanently. You have to protect your mind and body.

    Now that you said the benefits have run out you cannot back down. You too have to keep your word.

    In reality he needs to do a little growing up in order to have people not thinkg of him as a "heartless soul" it is usually because of selfish immature actions why he would think this.
  • Oct 21, 2006, 04:00 AM
    talaniman
    Work may bring you two together at times but keep it professional and otherwise leave him alone. If you stop the texting, and conversation he will get the message. Don't drag this break-up out, and you can't spare his feelings by listening to anything he may say. Time to get a healthy life. Work on the relationship between you and your daughter and let this go.
  • Oct 21, 2006, 05:58 AM
    SINGLE4
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Wildcat21
    The guys might learn something very important there. Trust me.
    As much as I don't like hearing someone call me "very immature" or "needy"... I hear you! Truth hurts!
  • Oct 21, 2006, 06:00 AM
    SINGLE4
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by LUNAGODDESS
    Are you the friend with benefits and not the partner...just what does your partner have to say about late booty rounds...you seemed to be motivated to perform...
    No... I do not have a "partner" so to speak... just a fwb. We only "hook up" if both of us are not seeing someone. I am not going to keep my relationship with my fwb while seeing someone and visa versa.
  • Oct 21, 2006, 07:19 AM
    SINGLE4
    Okay... let me ask yous this... why was I able to talk to my fwb's last girlfriend with no problem? They would come into the bar when I was working and I would sit and socialize with both of them and even sometimes just his girlfriend? This is why I think it has more to do with the fact that his last relationship was with my (as one time) close friend.

    Explain this...
  • Oct 21, 2006, 11:32 AM
    talaniman
    I think you have anwered your own question. You were all friends.
  • Oct 22, 2006, 11:55 AM
    s_cianci
    I'm not sure you can "break the cycle" and still remain friends with him. And that's precisely why everyone here is so opposed to the whole fwb idea. Naturally your friend became resentful once she wanted to date your fwb. That's why the bad-mouthing and criticism started. As for your fwb, if you don't want to talk about his "relationship" with her, just simply say "Please let's not talk about that." If he persists, stick to your guns. Same goes for any other topic you may not wish to discuss with your fwb. I won't say anything more since you don't want to hear it and I believe you already know it and don't have to hear it.
  • Oct 23, 2006, 03:02 PM
    SINGLE4
    s_cianci... thank you for your words of encouragement! When I started this post I was over tired! I hope I didn't offend anyone and I truly DO appreciate your advise! My skin isn't as thick as I'd like it and I get defensive!

    Thank you to everyone who posted!!
  • Oct 23, 2006, 03:06 PM
    Wildcat21
    Thick skin is a good thing. Build barrier that people have to cross. It helps.

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