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Originally Posted by kctiger

You can't EVER be truly loved until you learn to love yourself. EVERYTHING you don't like about yourself is fixable if you actually work on it. If you have no love to offer someone, then why would anyone want to love you?

Issues are only issues as long as you let them be that way. Change who you are, become a person who loves himself, and people will want to share their love with you.

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-I beg to differ, I feel the same way about myself and most of my exs still want to marry me, its hard to love another until you know how to love yourself, but the reverse may not always be true.

I think your journey to self discovery, starts with a doctor for your depression, and not a therapist. Then you can work from a better perspective, and deal with your other issues. Its really up to you what, and who, you want to be.

Being insecure, having low self-esteem and being cynical are not good traits to have and these you should address as they can kill your happiness and make people avoid you like the plague. But everything else you bring up exists only in the eye of the beholder and will not make you "unlovable."

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Originally Posted by ewhitlock83

Not to be rude but, why do people always think I am a man? I'm a woman. And I love, I just don't see anything worth loving in myself. People always say this, but it's not something you just automatically know how to do, love yourself. At least not everyone does. For me, it is a huge struggle to find anything worthwhile in myself. In fact, pointing out the few good things I did, is something I never would have done five years ago. Believe it or not, that description of myself is an improvement. At least I can see good things. And I know that the physical faults are ones that can be changed, but how does one change who they are?

And there is another problem for me, and the reason that I have never made an effort to change my physical appearance. I have thought about it, and the fear that stops me from trying is, if I lose 100lbs, or however much, and THEN I meet a guy who claims to love me, I will always wonder, would he have loved the real me? The fat me? The paranoia does not revolve around my weight. It's much deeper than that.

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In all honesty, when I first read your post I thought you were a man too. Probably because of the forthright and direct manner with which you expressed yourself. And if it's any consolation to you, I think that's a good trait for a woman to have, so chalk one up for yourself. And also keep in mind that when you do change something about yourself, that becomes the real you. If you lose 100 pounds, then that's the new you, the old you that was 100 pounds heavier doesn't exist anymore. People change all the time, whether they try to or not and at any point in time, that is you and that's the you that people are going to know and love. Of course, one of the challenges in life is to change for the better and become better people as we go through the circle of life. After all, if someone loves you now, if you become a better person as time goes on, they're going to love you even more 5 or 10 years from now. Were you raised by overbearing parents? Something tells me you were. That can cause lots of feelings of inadequacy. I think the only way to circumvent that is to realize that such standards and expectations are not realistic. Don't be afraid to be who you are, warts and all. I can sort of relate to where you're coming from as I was kind of the same way in my youth. I finally just had to come to the realization that yeah, in a perfect world every girl would look like Barbie and every guy would look like Ken ; but we don't live in a perfect world. In this world, people are overweight ; people don't always look "good" when they dress up ; people don't always display the best manners, have the best social skills or know how to relate to other people in general. That doesn't make you a bad or unlovable person ; in fact, it makes you a quite normal person. People who don't or can't understand that have the greater issues.

Hey,I am a physically unattractive woman as well... Don't worry, I am not going to make this post all about myself (like most people on here have done so far)... All I wanted to say is "yes, there is no love for us ugly people out there" . Almost everyone would much rather go for the physically appealing person... Unless it is someone desperate, that knows he/she won't be able to get anything better... Like it or not, this is the ugly truth (oh,the irony!).

I know this is an old post... I just thought it's never too late to asnwer, you know...