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The way I post this it makes it seem like the only thing I do is bad. We hang out a lot, I do whatever she wants me to, I mean yes granit I'm clingy but after getting myself together, and thinking about it. I'm not THAT clingy, I really don't think she knows what she wants. I have reason to believe that this is also a test and right now I'm giving her, her space and I'm just waiting to see what will happen. I think it's iffy either way. How do I just not think about her for the time being?
By getting on with things in your life. If you haven't got any hobbies get some. I'm planning on going to play tennis with some mates tomorrow to get my mind of my ex. Might play some golf later this week and go swimming at some point. Have a party Thursday night and its my friends birthday on Friday so going out for that. You don't need to be sitting there feeling sorry for yourself.
A girl who doesn't know what she wants means... your not attractive enough for her. She's not going to leave if your pushing the right buttons. Being clingy at all is a bad move. Learn the fact that if your not clingy and at least pretend your not bothered either way she might come back to you.
A good movie you might like to watch is "swingers". It deals your situation where this guy has his girlfriend leave him to go have some fun. It will also give you something to do for a few hours
I'm not attractive enough? Like Physically?
If your not attractive enough it will not come down to the way you look. The first thing we notice about someone is looks, then personality. She has dated you hasn't she... so she must find you attractive physically on some lvl... But in the long run this will not be enough... the two of you has to have more then that going on.
The way you describe your situation does make it seem like she really did need a break for several reasons and Tal did a good job in pointing some of these things out for you.
No not physically. Girls can be strongly attracted to men who don't seem that much to look at. What I'm saying is your most probably being to full on with her. You're obviously not showing her who's boss. A girl wants a guy who makes the decisions and makes her work for your attention. Pandering to her needs all the time will push her away. You're no longer a challenge and the relationship is no longer exciting.Quote:
Originally Posted by robsta237
For this to happen so early you must be showing some serious signs of being a "wussy guy" i.e. "the nice guy". She's obviously attracted to your personality and doesn't want to hurt you. As she's religious she might just be being nice now.
If you want to win her over you have to be your own man. I know its hard to pull away when all you know is being the "nice guy" but its your life and you have to have fun with it.
You say you argue a lot. How does a typical argument go. Like if she says something and then you correct her she may feel that you are always contradicting her and then she may feel like you don't take her serious or you think she is stupid or you always have to be right.
She may simply get tired of all the energy it takes saying ''no that is not the... ''
I know when my son contradicts me it makes my mouth dry and my head ache with all the back and forth crap.
Think about things you say and do and try looking at how she may be taking it from her perspective.
You need to take time and do some real soul searching on what is wrong and how to fix it.
Put it to you simple, all the thoughts of what she is doing, and will do, means your not thinking of what your doing, and CAN do.
Just a question, between making love to a females body, and making love to her mind, Which is more important?
Hint: Love the mind, the body will follow.
Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
That's a great plan.
You two have been dating for CLOSE to 3 months, and you have already broken up twice. Is there a pattern? Date a month, break up...date a month, break up...and now that you are close to the third month she needs her space...Quote:
Originally Posted by robsta237
She's not ready for this step in the relationship, she's feeling like she has to satisfy you to keep you around when it goes against her thoughts and feelings. If you care about this girl, give her time. Relationships are not built on sex, and when the relationship has just started sex shouldn't be an object. You two should be getting to know each other a little better...likes & dislikes, do's & don'ts.Quote:
Originally Posted by robsta237
Maybe this time apart from you with little to no contact will give her time to get her priorities straight. Figure out what she wants out of life and out of the relationship. If you are really clingy you are possibly pushing away rather than building a closer relationship.Quote:
Originally Posted by robsta237
A break doesn't necessarily mean a break up. Relax, yes it does put up some red lights and makes you wonder what she's thinking but don't crazy telling her please don't do this I love you...etc. It's really hard to be in a relationship where you feel like you have no room to even breath.Quote:
Originally Posted by robsta237
Maybe the reason you fought over trust is because of all the many broken promises. She's figured out that you are going to keep saying this to keep her coming back to you but you are not going to really change.Quote:
Originally Posted by robsta237
Will she come back? Who knows right now. If she doesn't the logical thing to do is to move on. You have one life to live, don't spend it all wondering what could have been when you could be moving on to what always should have been. If she doesn't come back, don't let this be one of your biggest regrets, more like a lesson learned. You have learned something about yourself that in the end resulted in a breakup, something that you could work on in your next relationship.Quote:
Originally Posted by robsta237
You are only human, and sex is apart of almost everyone's life. But if you want to stop wanting to do sexual things, go out with a group of friends, don't sit at home alone in a dark room cuddled up watching a romantic movie. Good Luck with everything.Quote:
Originally Posted by robsta237
So I've been asking what I should do, and by the look of your answers in reality there's nothing that I can do to "win" her back I just have to give her space. My next question is: She comes back from her church camp on Saturday (saturday is our 3 month) should I wait until she gets back and wait a couple hours and text her saying "happy 3 month babe". Or should I text her before she gets back so she can look at my text when she opens her phone. Or should I just not text her and wait for her text? And an explanation why would be helpful too.
Do not text her at all. If you text her with all these romantic notions when all she wants is space. How is that helping things? You are again showing you are there for her whatever she decides to do which is admirable but it won't "win" her back.
Another thing "winning" her back is not what you should be trying to do here. Getting on with things don't text her don't phone her and IF she decides to contact you treat her at a distance.
Talaniman Rule-when you get dumped, and they change their mind, its up to them to let you know.
Talaniman Rule- Don't play games with your heart, and don't let somebody else play games with it either.
Talaniman Rule of Rules- Don't get sucked in the confusion of being friends, at the expense of your healing
Talaniman Rule- If an ex wants you back, It has to be on their own without your influence.
You don't win someone back, they comeback because thats what they want (or think they want) an in being willing to work with you on the relationship, so to hell with idle chit-chat, catch up BS. Your the one healing, and if they want to play the friendship game, NO DEAL.
Leave her alone, and do not contact her over self defeating BS (3 month anniversary?? PUH-LEASE!!). Thats your heart saying that.
You do nothing to hurt your healing, so you can move on, and don't be Mr. Eager Beaver, you'll do anything to get her back, if she DOES contact you. Listen carefully, and ask the right questions without the BS chit-chat.
More questions????
We're not broken up, we're just on a break for now. She doesn't know what she wants.
Break = an easy way to tell someone we are broken up.
Call it what you want, you two aren't together.
Oh my... I can't tell you how many times we all have read that line...Quote:
We're not broken up, we're just on a break for now. She doesn't know what she wants.
Give her what she wants. If she wants space, then give her space.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but 97% of the time a break = break-up. You not able to see that right now because your emotions won't let you. I will bet a fortune, that when she comes back she will still not know what she wants and will want to continue this "break". She will leave you in limbo until she finds what she wants. Chances are she will find what she wants, with another guy... if she hasn't found that already.
Not knowing what she wants, or being confused, is a obscure way to tell someone that they don't feel the same way about you as you do for them.
It's best to realize that she is trying to lay the soft blow on you, rather than being blunt about it. It would probably be in your best interest to start working on letting her go now, rather than be strung along forever and wasting your time wanting something to work that is inherently broken.
You know what. I'm going to give her a chance, I'm going to see if she can text me, if she doesn't then eventually I'll text her and see how she is diong. All of you say that a "break" is short for break up, and I have faith in her I have faith that maybe she'll give me another chance. I really hope she does I'm willing to change for not only her but myself as well. It was dumb of me to post my problem on the internet expecting you guys to help me, and really the only thing I'm doing is over thinking everything. And right now that is the last thing I wish upon myself. I'm religious and I feel like if I pray for strength upon myself then I will hopefully get it and become stronger if she does break up with me. I hope she doesn't, but if she does then the only thing I can do is move on, or even possibly become her friend and once we mature more we can try later. I thank all of you for posting what you really feel, but this is ME posting what I really feel. I wish the best of luck to you all.
Yeah, it is dumb to expect people who have tons of collective experience on the matter to help you. But you seem to be different so I am sure nothing we say applies to you. :rolleyes:Quote:
Originally Posted by robsta237
Give you another chance? That has always been my priority, wait for a girl to decide if I am good enough for her...
Carry on... :cool:
You have our answers because YOU ASKED. Too bad it's not what you wanted to hear.Quote:
Originally Posted by robsta237
HARSH ALERT!!!!
Well this certainly looks like a relationship that has started on the right foot...Quote:
My girlfriend and I have been dating for close to 3 months. We've broken up 2 times already.
We all need to take breaks multiple times in our relationships because we love each other SO much...
Give me a break!
Hey man, wait for her all you want. You're right, what you guys had was special... special enough to where you guys had to get away from each other multiple times over the course of 12 weeks!!
I'll break it down further, you guys didn't even HAVE a relationship...you had sex a few times. That's IT! A relationship is something that goes on way longer than 3 months and involves way more than sex.
Keep praying and hope that the Lord will help you... but remember, he can't influence free will. Miracles do happen, when it involves something else besides love.Quote:
I have faith in her I have faith that maybe she'll give me another chance.
I agree with everyone who has posted. The advice given here is WELL worth it. When you post a question here, we give you the straight truth, how we see it. Not some sugar coated advice, filled with things you want to hear.Quote:
It was dumb of me to post my problem on the internet expecting you guys to help me, and really the only thing I'm doing is over thinking everything.
You are right, you are over thinking everything. You are seriously over thinking the fact that she will give you another chance, and that this "relationship" was healthy and meant to be. I'm sorry, but it's not bro.
She wants more than sex and you are not providing that. The story of your relationship sounds like something out of the 8th grade. You need to grow up and realize that sex isn't everything, and that when people feel like they are being used for something, they run.
So think about this for a bit and then maybe you'll open your eyes.
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