Starting NC - venting email
This isn't so much a question - its more an email to my ex that I want to send to him but know I shouldn't. Here goes. (sorry if you can't read this - I'm crying and not about to spell check) Give me any words of wisdom you have.
So, why is it that last night you and I went to dinner and you were nice to me and we joked around and hand fun, and you were interested in what was going on in my life - yet tonight - I invited you out to hang out with our mutual friends- you treat me like crap?? So our night started with you telling me you were so engrossed in watching the phillies, and whenever I tried to talk to you, you answered but were engrossed in the phillies game because they could lose.
So we all walk down to the next bar because your friend mike is there - and its about to be your birthday in an hour. As soon as we get to the bar, you leave all of us to see your friend mike and hang out with him. Don't invite us over or tel us where your going - no - just leave. So I walk over and tell you wer are going upstairs - say hi to your friends all of whom know me. I ask you to come upstairs before its your actual birthday in an hour.
An hour goes by - I send you a happy birthday text - no response - 20 min later - I send you a text asking if you are going to come up stairs you say "very soon!". Yea 20 min later you come upstairs, blow all of your friends off including me to go talk to some chick -and you are absolultey engrossed in talking to her (never mind that the phillies are now losing 7-2 and if you were talking to me you would have been all about that and worried). You don't say thanks for the text or anything to me - or ay of your other friends - who actually drove you to the bar.
What did you use them to just get a ride to newark so you could hang out with your other friends?? They were pissed too I was pissed for different reasons - because you were nice to me and an today. And 25 feet away from me chatting up your chic friend. Oh and then 20 min into it your ealize you ddnt say hi to the friends that drove you. So you come over and bring your friend kate. Say hi quick introduce us all and abruptly vanish again to the front of the bar 25 feet away where I get subjected to watching you laugh and have a great time with her. Yea - hey jerk - I'm rRIGHT HERE!! YOU ARE HURTING MY FEELIGNS RIGHT NOW! I run out and cry -but I don't want him to know I'm crying - my friends are trying to console me.
I'm about to leave - I happent o have to walk passed you - I hit you on the shoulder and wave good bye. You follow to say good bye to the entire group.. You give me a hug, and by this point I've been crying and can't really stop and you ask what's wrong - I try really hard to blurt out that I wish you wouldn't hurt me rightinfront of me -no idea how it came out - but iw as crying and hugging you and didn't want to let you go. You left then to hang out with your other friends. Iwas still crying. I left too.
Dude - its not like we broke up because someone hurt the other person - u just "dont have romantic feeligns for me anmore" well you know what - no matte what I do - I still have those feeligs for you -its been a little over 3 months and that hasn't changed for me. No guys interest me except you. Apparently I'm replaceable though. . Do you even care that you hurt me? You obviously know now. Are you doint this to me on purpose? I want to write you an email and tell you all of this - but that's a bad idea. I came home and cried my eyes out for an hour to my cousin on the phone. She now thoroughly hates you.
Unfortunately I have to see you on Saturday at mandys birthday party - yea its yours too but I was friends with her for 2 years before I ever met you.
This time - screw it - I don't care if its your birthday or not - I'm not talking to you - I'm going to try to be strict about this no contact thing. I sent you a happy birhtday text, and I got nothing - you ignored me when youc ame up stairs- well - screw it - u don't need me - I may need you now - but I don't need to contact you. If you actually want to be friends like you've told me so many times - its now YOUR turn to make the effort . I've run out of effort for you. I miss you and hate you and wish you weren't a jerk to me 0 none of this will end until I get rid of you (which is incredibly impossible seeing as how we have all the same friends - but I'm going to try). Maybe you will realize what you are missing one day - and it will be way too late. Its already too late for you. Goodluck finding someone like me again. I cared about ou more than I ever should have how much did you carea about me? I was in a great mood for the past 2 weeks - then tonight - its like a huge setback. I give up - how about you try to be my friend for once. I don't want to care anymore - you don't deserve someone like me. I'm always around helping my friends well your not my friend anymore - good luck in life I am tired of hurting so much.
