I'm currently in nc with ex,and the healing is going slowly.everything including my career is going downhill and just seem to have no passion for anything anymore.I know from reading previous stickies that some of the advice is to keep yourself busy by going out with friends,etc.firstly,I live in small town where everything is about money and everyone knows everyone else business.I moved here about 18Months ago for a job that I though was my dream job.this is my first job since I graduated.I live in the same complex as my ex.I can't find another place,as this is the only place where the rent is affordable.the move was hard because I have no family around me,and all of my friends live far from this place.anyway,I am a very homely,shy person.I don't drink alcohol and I'm not really into going to the clubs.I do have made 3friends here,but they are very busy with work and their boyfriends,so we don't go out often.there are lot of house parties this side.I attended a few but didn't really enjoy myself because since I don't drink,people tried to force me to drink and everyone goes to these parties to get drunk and show off.so what can I do to get some passion,motivation into my life?? thanks in advance for listening and giving me advice.

You may have to tear down some barriers to build back your passion,I am not saying start drinking,but realistically something has to change drasticallyyou need to build a network outside of where you live,try volunteering if you have any spare time,if you're a christian join somewhere.have you talked to your new friends about this?

I agree with zippit..

You have to make the change,in a year are you still going to say,what am I going to do?

Get out there,join a club,go to the gym,or swimming,try something you have never tried before,be brave,be strong,find like minded people,if their not knocking on your door,go find them..

Check out the paper for local activities..
Start running,there might be a club in your area..

Who says you have to live in this small town? Is there not another job you can get elsewhere? From the way you described it this town is a dead end for social activities.

You find passion by creating passion in things you do. Volunteer, go to grad school, something that allows you to be proud and dedicate your time to. Passion isn't just born, it is created. You have to get up, get out and make things happen. Don't expect the good to just come to you.

Quote:

---

my career is going downhill and just seem to have no passion for anything anymore

---

Quote:

---

I live in small town where everything is about money

---

Quote:

---

I do have made 3friends here,but they are very busy with work and their boyfriends,so we don't go out often.

---

Quote:

---

people tried to force me to drink

---

OP, you are living completely in a Me Centered World. You are telling yourself, “Oh, poor me. Poor me. How unfair this situation is.” After the breaking up you started to view your lives as if everything existed as to make things more difficult for you. You are focusing entirely on how the world affects you. It is impossible to live a truly fulfilled life if you are living exclusively in a Me Centered World. You won't be happy because it is all about YOU!

How about finding a way to get involved in your community? Playing sports, going to the gym! You don't have to be outgoing to do so, do you? Engaging activities at loca community center can be a great way to meet people. You therefore can learn a lot from others through conversation and circumstance. No matter how small your current town is, I think if you try you can find a local community!

Good luck! :)

Have you checked out the list of things to do after a breakup?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...kup-78597.html

How many of them have you tried?

You do the things you love!

For example, I love music so I play my guitar and piano all the time.

What about you? Arts? Music? Martial arts? Fitness? TV? video games? THERE ARE TONS OF THINGS OUT THERE TO TRY.

And once you go after those things and involve yourself in it within the community, you will find many friends with the same interests as you.

Hi all.I just need some insight even though I think I know what you'll will say.thanks in advance for helping me out.this site has already helped me out so much.anyway here's my story.about two weeks ago I attended my friends birthday supper.another friend Karen was suppose to pick me up.she is also the best friend of my ex.so like I said she was going to pick me up but instead my ex picked me up.well he picked Karen up first and then me,which doesn't make sense as me and my ex live in the same complex and she lives further from us.well,when I saw him I was shocked,I just wanted to go back to my flat but I pulled myself together and remained composed.well I was in the back seat,the music was loud so I couldn't hear anything that they were talking.that was uncomfortable.then when we arrived at the supper,he sits far away from us,total opposite ends of the table.I knew most of the people at the table,so I keep rotating around the table to talk to everyone and then he was opposite me at the table,so I asked him how work was and when he's going to visit his parents.anyway all of sudden he justs starts talking to the person next to him while I'm talking to him.when we are going back home Karen tells him to leave her first,as my ex and I live in the same complex so it be better.he didn't listen and left me first and then her.I was really sad and shocked by the whole night.I didn't expect to see him and I never expected him to act that way.we always such chatterboxes when we do talk.so anyway the next day Karen asks me how I am and said she was also confused and shocked by his behavior and tells me that there is no excuse for how he behaved.this is his best friend talking.I was confused and knew that the guy I knew wouldn't behave like that,so I called him.I asked him why he ignored me,he said he didn't.he just had not seen them in a long while and wanted to catch up with everyone.I also asked him why he left me first and then Karen since we stay in the same complex.he just said that he wanted to spend time with Karen but Karen told me earlier that he just dropped her of and left.so at the moment I am in NC.I thinks that's all I have got to say.thanks again for reading and advising.

Can't you see your analyzing the actions of your ex? That's a really dead end game, that leads to nothing but more confusion, and questions, of why people do what they do.

You and this mutual friend, are only keeping the confusing feelings stirred up.

Don't make this a mountain you can't climb and be frustrated by not having a clear solution you can understand.

Its clear he did what he did to go out of his way to NOT be alone with you.

Don't go getting false hope.