Just trying to understand why you are so agreeable and available for whatever she wants, and have to always go along with her program. I just see no good coming out of letting her have that kind of blind control. Why, guy, why??

Can't you at least stand up for yourself, and tell her your confused, and that has to stop??

I think I have at least taken some stand with this relationship, maybe not as much as I should because I'm afraid of the unknown and what might come if I do not act like myself. To give you an update this past weekend she asked me to go to a birthday party for her dad so I went and wasn't sure how to act. She started placing her hand on my lap though and giving me a kiss here and there. After the party we ended up going out for drinks and we both got a bit drunk... her more so than me... and then she asked if I wanted to sleep over and go to th beach with her the next day. I kind of changed the subject but she asked again and of course I couldn't say no and we ended up going to her place and I spent the night and we had sex, which was great. The next day going to the beach we met a friend of hers and her friends boyfriend. I wasn't sure about going but I missed her so I decided to go. While there the affection wasn't what it usually was when we were together but she would grab my hand while walking and kiss me. Its just a very weird situation. Also yesterday, I knew she was down about something's so I made a visit to her job for lunch to surprise her. She was totally taken aback and surprised. She told me it made her day and she wished she could kiss me but can't at work. Once I left she texted me again saying thank you so much, it made her day and that I'm a true sweetheart and sending lots of kisses. Also later that night she called me again to tell me thanks, saying it was so sweet and she wishes I came later when it was less busy because all she wanted to do was sit with me and eat with me and kiss me. So that night she dropped off the dog we had together so he could stay with my mom and she gave me a deep kiss. I just don't get it? She is confusing me. Like why would she continue to do and say all these things if she didn't want to get back together? I know I'm not thinking straight but I have not put any pressure on her to make a decision and she has always thanked me for that when it comes up. Is that something I should ask her and put her on the spot? Or as she said she needed the summer should I just wait until the end of the summer and then give her the ultimatum? I really love this girl and I don't think she would do and say these things if there wasn't still love inside of her for me too. We have been together 3 yrs and I'm 28 and she is 26 so I don't think age should be a factor. There has to be some chance this can work out!

Aren't you having fun doing what she says? Why do you need a label on what your doing?

I don't think this is fair to you at all. It seems like she is asking you to put your life on hold and that she would like a break from you to go do whatever it is that she feels she needs to do, and then when she gets sick of that, she still wants you to be there waiting with open arms when she comes back--nevermind if you would like the chance to find someone who is on the same page as you or not. Maybe that is not the case, but it sort of seems like it. Going on undefined "breaks" where the couple doesn't really want to say goodbye because it hurts too much, but they (or either one of the partners) don't really want to be together is not fair to either of you. You should let her know that this is really hurting you and it should either be a clean break or stay together and work it out. Gray areas make everyone confused and hurt. Just because people decide to break up doesn't necessarily mean that they stop loving each other. There's a billion different reasons people break up. If she still wants to be on a break, maybe you could suggest to her that this means you will no longer be sleeping togther, and she doesn't get the boyfriend privliages if you aren't her boyfriend- and make sure she knows that you won't put everything on hold, and you'd like to see other people- you never know who you could meet. If she really does love you, she'd want you to be happy even if it wasn't with her.

My story is very similar to yours. I would say that the only difference is you are a little bit older. I was in the same stage that you were in for a long time. They are giving you good advice and although you may not want to hear what they are saying... it's the truth. There is no saying that you both won't get back together but I would suggest that you do not put so much thought into her or you guys getting back together. Do not do the sweet things that you used to do because although she is thanking you for how sweet it is, it won't change the fact that she dosen't want to be with you right now. My Ex was acting almost the same way that yours is. So let me tell you that the more you stick in there and try to make it work the more it won't. I wish that I would have stop all contact with her when we first split but instead we hung out and attended family functions, took our dog on camping trips and the whole nine. This was more then a year ago and we are still not together. Lil by little things became more weird and distance because of everything we were putting each other through. The best thing to do is to stop all contact and to think of her as GONE before your relationship ends up in worse shape then when you first split. Try and go out and hang out with different people. If she comes back it won't be because you did something so sweet that she couldn't resists. Whatever you do, do not wait on her. Try to find happiness and something to look forward to in your life. If you guys are meant to be then I feel that you will be. You just might have to live different lives for a while. Its almost a win win because if you move on and she comes back then you can decide what to do and if she never comes back then you would have moved on anyway. You establishing no contact and removing yourself will not stop her from coming back if she really wants to. I was so confused for so long, but after I started NC I no longer have any of her actions or words to replay in my head to try and figure out what her message is or how she is feeling. Because I have finally realized that I will never really know how she feels. She is confused and dosen't know her self. So let her live her life with out you and you do the same. It will be a weight lifted off your heart and head.