Ask Me Help Desk - He broke up with me because he got cold feet

Who knows why he deleted you from FB. It could be the thought of you looking at his profile annoys him, or it could be that he wants you to know that he doesn't really consider you two on "good" or "bad" terms... just no terms at all!

Don't jump to the conclusion that he's jealous about you not pining over him. In most cases, such thinking results in false hope and extreme disappointment. The fact that you were trying to "prove" you were moving on, and hoping he would see pictures and guys on your profile further proves you are not over him. Don't get wrapped up in "what ifs."

And you to need to reevalutate the "best friends" part. Maybe YOU thought you were best friends, but it's apparent that he didn't. Most people, when breaking up with someone else, say, "Hey, let's be best friends!" just so they don't feel guilty for crushing you.

Anyway, don't worry about why he did it. Look at the good that will come from it. You can actually start healing now, and don't have to torture yourself through FB.

It's pretty clear why he's deleted you from his Facebook - he doesn't want to see your face on there! It's tough, but it's true - he's over you.

He's actually doing you a favor, and you will thank him in months to come, but I can understand that it's pretty hard now. As Torrid so wisely says - don't try and second guess him - neither you nor us can know why he did what he did - he just did it.

Get angry or have a good cry (or both). Go to bed with a good book or hide under the doona. Once you resurface you'll feel better and see him for the weasel that he is.

Checking his page is the stupidest thing you could possibly do! It makes you feel a hundred times worse. My friend still does it to her ex and its not only stalkerish but I can see the sadness in her eyes every time she does it. You shouldn't be sad he deleted you, you should thank him in your mind!

I broke up with my boyfriend because he cheated. One of the first things I did--and hardest--was defriending him on Facebook.

I knew I would check up on his FB pages and it would kill me. I knew I would see pics of him and wondering who his new friends were.

I had to do it and I am so glad. I have still seen 2 pics of him via other people's FB pages and it hurt... so I can not image still looking at is FB page.

Every time you check up on him you are picking the scab and it can not heal if you pick it.

For me, my ex broke up with me and I was NC and still am, I was the one who deleted her from Facebook because it hurts too much. That's what you should have done. Don't look into this too much, you were doing NC anyway so why have him on fb?

My ex deleted me too but I am glad because I could not do it. I deleted him on msn though.

Thanks for your input. It really helps put things in perspective. I just don't understand how he could be so finicky as to delete me from Facebook! He used to always boast that he's beyond all that... Facebook, myspace, friendster. And I know that he doesn't really use Facebook all that much. He's barely active on it. I just have a feeling that he saw recent pics that I posted, which consisted of me going to clubs every weekend in Vegas (I'm living in Vegas for the summer but he's in the midwest). He might feel irked that I seem to have moved on so quickly and he didn't want to see all that in his face. When in reality, this is my way of coping with my hurt and loss... and I'm trying to show him that I'm okay and strong. I'm still hurting inside and he doesn't know it because we haven't spoken for weeks. For all I know, he's probably out there partying too.

So to sum, he broke up with me out of nowhere when we were supposedly still happy, he ignored my calls when I tried to ask him to ship my things to Vegas (I stored a few things at his house at the moment) and I had to ask a friend to pick them up from him, and now he's the one who cuts off all types of communication including Facebook. I tried to retain some dignity by doing NC for the past few weeks and I feel great that he doesn't have my new phone number. It gives me some sense of power over him. But now that he's deleted me from Facebook, I feel as if he's trying to hurt me again. Is this what all guys do after a break up? He's very cold and heartless, and it hurts since I used to regard him as my best friend and family just 6 weeks ago. I feel like he's kicking me to the curb and he's quick to throw everything away like it's a dirty piece of cloth.

I know I have to move on and I'm putting on a brave face on the outside, but I think about him every minute of everyday and it's really taking a toll on me.

Him having you on his Facebook he goes to Facebook, sees your pic there, three steps backwards on getting over you. Solution: Delete.

Do you have anybody right now that you can call and ask to go over and pick up your stuff and store for you?
If you have to wait until Feb. tell him to have your stuff packed and ready to go when you get there and take a friend.

Either way you need to asap send him a certified letter with an itemized list/with reasonable used value of the things he has and tell him the month you will be there to pick your stuff up. Keep a copy for yourself and the certified receipt. Then if he won't let you get your stuff you take him to small claims court.

He feels bad every time he see's you on his Facebook. He probably did the same thing checking up on you. I can tell you this because I broke up with my girlfriend 2 weeks ago. I think the same thing... maybe someday down the line we'll be better for the break up and get back together. Maybe he feels that deleting you from Facebook will stop him looking at what you're doing in your life. He can move on without looking back and possibly sometime in the future get in contact when he has a new perspective on life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by greenhaven

My ex bf broke up with me 6 weeks ago and I haven't had any contact with him for the last 2 weeks. I've done the NC thing because I'm trying to forget about him and even though I still miss him everyday, NC has helped. I also recently just got a new phone number, which he doesn't have.

We were still friends on facebook and occassionaly I check his page to see what he was up to. Today I found out that he deleted me from facebook. I felt so devastated.. I mean, he's the one who broke up with me, and so isn't it my call to delete him from facebook if I wanted to because I'm the one who's hurt? Why did he do this? Is this his way of telling me that he's really, really over me? That he doesn't want anything to do with me and want me out of his life for good?? He's acting really cold and I don't know why.

He told me before that one day he may ask for my forgiveness and we can get back together but now I feel like he never meant that and that there's no shred of hope for him to come back. Him deleting me from facebook also tells me that he doesn't foresee future friendship with me. We broke up because he was afraid of commitment.

I need a guy's point of view please. ... What's on his mind??

First off, greenhaven, I'm sorry that you are going through this breakup because I know it is hard. I know the pain of a break-up and it is the worst pain a person can ever feel in life.

You have been doing the right thing by trying to move on and having NC. You shouldn't question why he's deleting you from Facebook because in reality he's doing only what you have been doing, which is to try and move on. I suppose why it is such a surprise to you is because it wounds your ego... he broke up with you and you feel that removing him from your Facebook account is the only thing left for you to control in the relationship and now he's even taken that.

It's impossible to never look back and miss what you once had. But when you see him remove you from Facebook, you may consider it to be a blessing because when you are trying to move on, sometimes it is harder when the one you once loved continues to take advantage of your vulnerability. When your former flame closes the door on you, he is doing you an even greater favor than you may feel for the time being. Since he is not going to contact you anymore, not seeing him or contacting him will only serve you well as you try to pick up the pieces of your broken heart and move on.

Don't feel ashamed or less than; relationships don't always work out and it's not because you were broken or less than, it's just that sometimes two people need to go their separate ways. In the meantime, spend time with those you love and care about so that you can be healed by the love of those who matter to you.

Grace and peace to you.

Quote:

Ex boyfriend deleted me from Facebook, why?

He cut you from his life to move on and enjoy himself, and so should you.

Checking up on someone is the worst way to move on in the world, so he actually did you a favor. Take the hint, and return the favor, and stop playing silly games on the net with him.

Trust me hon, I have been through this. My daughters father left us when she was 2 months old (she is 5 now) and a few years ago I was always checking on myspace to 'check up on him'

Until one day I find out he updated for the first time in months. He was getting married. Had a house. (you know the type, the little house with a white picket fence and a dog) his new fiancé was meeting his family (which I never did, after 7 YEARS of being engaged! )

It just causes more heart ache in the end to keep tabs on your ex. Move on. Forget him.

*hugs* good luck hon

Honestly,

This person is an ex. You were really not going NC, because if you were you would not have continued to go on Facebook to check things out. He did the right thing by deleting you from his Facebook. He Should have done it 6 weeks ago, and you should not have kept checking out his profile because it just kept delaying the inevitable and delay you learning to moving on.

Forgiveness for what? Why do you feel it should have been up to you to delete it?

You would not have been devastated if you were really in NC, and not actually checking in with the Facebook all the time to keep an eye on him.

I broke up with her purely for the fact I'm not ready to commit longterm. We've been dating a year and were in each other pockets all the time. She was the first girl I was with sexually as well so it always played on my mind what else is out there. I haven't had the fun of a single life like she has. So in my mind I'm not mature enough to stay in the relationship. I have to grow as a person before I can even think about making a longterm commitment to anyone.

The fact she's only 17 as well and I'm 22. She hasent even been out clubbing with her friends yet and experienced life in that respect. She is quite immature in a lot of ways as she puts up silly messages on her msn such as " "guys name" loves me haha" I mean its obvious she's trying to make me jealous. But I'm 22 I know that game. She is just solidifying the reasons this can't work at this point in our lives.

My ex has just done the same thing and I am gutted. He broke up with me because he was going through some psychological issues (with work) and HE was the one who pushed for us to still be friends... I stopped contacting him after awhile because he told me it was too early for contact and then he went and did this... The thing that gets me is, it's the biggest slap in the face, I was there for him waited 6months while he was OS and I never did anything. Plus he has like 300friends so to go and pinpoint one out is a fair bit of an effort. He has everyother ex on his fbook...

Trus me, he is a loser and he has done this to hurt u, it's the only reason why... dont let him get to u

Facebook is definitely the devil - I didn't even check my ex's profile but it poped up in the side that he was in a new relationship yesterday - Kind of good to know so its not a shock when I run into him -but we only broke up 4 months ago.

I want to delete him but can't bring myself to do it - so I did a few other things. I hid his news feed so it doesn't pop up anymore - I blocked his new girlfriend so that I don't have to see pics of them together or what she is posting on his wall. I also hid the news feed of some of my close friends that still hang out with him, so I don't see their stuff pop up either. Now I'm just only checking Facebook if someone writes on my wall.

I need a Facebook hiatus -and sounds like there are some other people that do too! Go outside and enjoy the summer instead of checking Facebook - maybe we will even make some new friends that way :) You can add them as friends to your Facebook later haha.

My ex (of 1.5 years) broke up with me 3 months ago because of his commitment issues and personal problems (so he said at the time). He gave me the whole, "It's not you, it's me" talk. He sounded so sincere and I believed him. Even though the break up was devastating to me, I'd say it was still amicable. We talked a few times afterwards and we ended on a good note overall. I did NC and was getting over him little by little. About a month ago I found out that he had already been seeing another girl IMMEDIATELY after we broke up and now he's in a "serious relationship" with her. It hurt like heck and I really wanted to confront him but I decided that it wasn't worth it. I didn't want to backslide and I figure that all I would get are excuses and it wouldn't change the fact that we're not together anymore.

So I'm in another state right now and I had all of my things in his house before I moved out here. A few weeks ago, he asked me if he could move my things out. We talked on the phone for the first time after a month of NC. He sounded very short and impatient with me. I was taken back by his change of attitude -- I didn't feel like I deserved any of it. I felt that he could have been more sympathetic since he was the one kicking me to the curb, but he was rude and cold the whole time. The whole conversation afterwards gave me a bad feeling and I resolved never to talk to him on the phone again. It just made getting over him that much easier! I agreed to have my things out but since I wasn't there, I gave him my friend's address at which he could drop them off. When he did dropped off my things a week later, he brought his new girlfriend with him! I heard it from my friend. I felt so hurt because he lied to me and now he was parading his new girlfriend. He didn't care about how it would affect me in case I find out! Again, I wanted to confront him and expose his lies but all my friends advised me not to because it would only give him the satisfaction that I still cared.

It's been a few weeks since the incident and I feel like I'm truly in a better place now. I'm starting to date again and I feel so much happier than I have been since my break up. But today I got a message from Facebook that my ex had commented on a photo of me. I was surprised to get the message because my ex had deleted me from Facebook and I know that he deleted all pictures of me on his page. I clicked on the message, and I saw that it was a picture from one of our mutual friend's photo albums. It was an old picture of the two of us, and on the bottom of the pic, my friend had wrote, "Cute couple." My ex today made a comment on that picture before untagging himself: "Not any more!!!" I was surprised to see that. It's low and uncalled for.

What the heck is he thinking? Why is he being vindictive to me? We ended on an amicable note and during the time that we were together, I was a good girlfriend to him. I treated him well and I never did anything to hurt him intentionally. He's 32 but he's acting like a 15 year old. I feel like he's out to hurt me again and again, as if he hasn't done enough. I'm erasing him from my life. I wish him and his new girlfriend the best but I don't want them in my life. I'm moving on.

Please help...

Quote:

Originally Posted by greenhaven

My ex (of 1.5 years) broke up with me 3 months ago because of his commitment issues and personal problems (so he said at the time). He gave me the whole, "It's not you, it's me" talk. He sounded so sincere and I believed him. Even though the break up was devastating to me, I'd say it was still amicable. We talked a few times afterwards and we ended on a good note overall. I did NC and was getting over him little by little. About a month ago I found out that he had already been seeing another girl IMMEDIATELY after we broke up and now he's in a "serious relationship" with her. It hurt like heck and I really wanted to confront him but I decided that it wasn't worth it. I didn't want to backslide and I figure that all I would get are excuses and it wouldn't change the fact that we're not together anymore.

It's good you held back. No need to confront him- you'll be wasting your breath. Obviously he already had an eye out for the ladies while you were dating and used a sappy excuse to break it off with you. Good thing he's the other girl's problem now.

Quote:

So I'm in another state right now and I had all of my things in his house before I moved out here. A few weeks ago, he asked me if he could move my things out. We talked on the phone for the first time after a month of NC. He sounded very short and impatient with me. I was taken back by his change of attitude -- I didn't feel like I deserved any of it. I felt that he could have been more sympathetic since he was the one kicking me to the curb, but he was rude and cold the whole time. The whole conversation afterwards gave me a bad feeling and I resolved never to talk to him on the phone again. It just made getting over him that much easier! I agreed to have my things out but since I wasn't there, I gave him my friend's address at which he could drop them off. When he did dropped off my things a week later, he brought his new girlfriend with him! I heard it from my friend. I felt so hurt because he lied to me and now he was parading his new girlfriend. He didn't care about how it would affect me in case I find out! Again, I wanted to confront him and expose his lies but all my friends advised me not to because it would only give him the satisfaction that I still cared.

Well of course he was going to bring his new girlfriend. One it's his new girlfriend and two he knows your friend is going to tell you and he knows it's going to bother you. GOOD think you didn't say anything. Right now he probably thinks that your over him and his little childish games don't work on you. Keep ignoring the jerk. He's a dummy.

Quote:

It's been a few weeks since the incident and I feel like I'm truly in a better place now. I'm starting to date again and I feel so much happier than I have been since my break up. But today I got a message from Facebook that my ex had commented on a photo of me. I was surprised to get the message because my ex had deleted me from Facebook and I know that he deleted all pictures of me on his page. I clicked on the message, and I saw that it was a picture from one of our mutual friend's photo albums. It was an old picture of the two of us, and on the bottom of the pic, my friend had wrote, "Cute couple." My ex today made a comment on that picture before untagging himself: "Not any more!!!" I was surprised to see that. It's low and uncalled for.

It's not as bad as you think it is. I would untag myself too if I had a new flame. His comment was childish but hey looks like he's the one hurting, maybe having him think that you don't really care is making him do all these retarded things just to get your attention.

Don't confront him. Ignore him. Block him on Facebook so he can never see you nor you can never see him again. It's not a big deal. He's being a big baby about this whole thing. Look you said it your in a better place now, your dating and feeling happier! Don't let this killjoy kill your joy.

Quote:

What the heck is he thinking? Why is he being vindictive to me? We ended on an amicable note and during the time that we were together, I was a good girlfriend to him. I treated him well and I never did anything to hurt him intentionally. He's 32 but he's acting like a 15 year old. I feel like he's out to hurt me again and again, as if he hasn't done enough. I'm erasing him from my life. I wish him and his new girlfriend the best but I don't want them in my life. I'm moving on.

Awesome! Your moving on. See you had it all figured out yourself. Your smart actually, you haven't confronted him and made a fool out of yourself, you chose to ignore his little remarks and such.

Keep moving on. Block his number. Block him on social networking sites. There is no use in being friends with him or even trying to make the peace. Walk away.

You'll be okay ;)

Sarah

He sounds like a douche bag. Sure you feel hurt - I would too.

The best form of revenge is COMPLETE silence. Ignore him and treat him with the contempt that he deserves.

If you expect nothing from him then you will have no reason to expect anything.

Keep moving on. He's part of your past now.

Greenhaven,
He did not love you as much you assume, and he broke up with you to see another girl. Stop letting him to hurt you. You are a nice person who made the break up amicable, but he does not even appreciate your effort. He has no consideration for you, and has no intention to come back to you. Leave him alone to keep living like a jerk.

It does not matter what you say, what you talk anymore. Thank god, you found out the 'real person' in him before you wasted too many years, and move on.
Do not look back. It is not worth to think about him, or think about the possibility to going back together. Why do you want to be with the jerk and get hurt? Spend your time and energy for better person who deserve you. Cheers!