Ask Me Help Desk - From a bad reltionship to a good but that turned bad to!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

You need counseling.
Your behaviors are self-destructive.
You don't see your own value and worth.
You have two (3) children that are dependant upon you.
Please break the cycle of self-destructive behaviors, you do deserve better and your children do also.
The children have to be your main focus, they need you more then he every possibly could, including financially. Do not pass your income on to him.
Call the battered womens shelter, your self-destructive behaviors are common of women who have been abused for many years. They can and will help you.

No I don't give my money to him, I have rent to pay kids to feed don't have money to give him.

You're in a very sticky situation. You say his marriage was an 'arranged" marriage. That prompts me to ask where he's from. It sounds like he's from a non-western culture and possibly one which practices polygamy. I think you now realize that counting on him to be your "rescuer" was a mistake and a bad reason for jumping into a new relationship. What you need to focus on now is providing for your kids the best you can. You should take legal action against the fathers of your daughters in an attempt to get some child support. You may need to start with your state's welfare agency.

Saying your marriage was arranged is often a ploy by a cheater to get the girl to feel for his bad situation.

The way I see things is you need some help from a counselor, but more so from a lawyer, to get you to the legal point of defining his responsibilities, and give limits to his access to you, or your kids. Visitation is fine for a dad, but it must be on mutual terms than he has to respect, and obey.

Showing up unannounced is not acceptable, and its controlling.

As far as counseling goes, I must admit, that I think your on the right path to independence, but some guidance, and support, would be just the thing to have when times get tough, or he acts a butt hole.

Just curious as to the relationship with his family. Do they support you or are they only on his side?

Are you still estranged from your own family?

Quote:

Originally Posted by s_cianci

You're in a very sticky situation. You say his marriage was an 'arranged" marriage. That prompts me to ask where he's from. It sounds like he's from a non-western culture and possibly one which practices polygamy. I think you now realize that counting on him to be your "rescuer" was a mistake and a bad reason for jumping into a new relationship. What you need to focus on now is providing for your kids the best you can. You should take legal action against the fathers of your daughters in an attempt to get some child support. You may need to start with your state's welfare agency.

He is a muslim pakistani and his mum told me that she got him married when he turned 16 and now she regrets it because she blames herself
For ruining all her kids lifes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

The way I see things is you need some help from a counselor, but more so from a lawyer, to get you to the legal point of defining his responsibilities, and give limits to his access to you, or your kids. Visitation is fine for a dad, but it must be on mutual terms than he has to respect, and obey.

Showing up unannounced is not acceptable, and its controlling.

As far as counseling goes, I must admit, that I think your on the right path to independence, but some guidance, and support, would be just the thing to have when times get tough, or he acts a butt hole.

Just curious as to the relationship with his family. Do they support you or are they only on his side?

Are you still estranged from your own family?

His mum has been very supportive of me because she knew what happened with my family, I lived with a family until I turned 15 that's when I found out they were not my real parents, they treated me different to their own kids I should have knew from then.
All I know is my mother passed away and I don't know anything about my father.

Quote:

Originally Posted by unhappysoul

Yes they all know about me his parents family and wife he has also said he is going to marry me and his parents see my kids and spend time with them. I do want out of this relationship so i can do something with my life but he does not accept it.

HE doesn't accept it? Who is he exactly to dictate or define what you do with your life. BE STRONG

Do you think his mom can get him to back off? Does she know you want to end the relationship with him?