Ask Me Help Desk - Did she cheat?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

(You won't marry her until she loses weight? That certainly rings alarm bells in my head about you.)

I don't know how I missed that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unsureoflife

I will close this topic now as all the advise hase come from some very biased women
wonder what the replys had been had i been a woman?
time to reach for the prozac i think.

My advice would not have changed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unsureoflife

I will close this topic now as all the advise hase come from some very biased women
wonder what the replys had been had i been a woman?
time to reach for the prozac i think.

So we won't buy into your obsession and that makes us biased?

And you haven't answered my question, How's she been doing for the past eight years?

He hasn't answered a lot of our questions. Lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unsureoflife

No its not she is overweight 3 years ago I asked we both loose weight and get married I have but she hasent so what does this tell me and why does everyone seem to think because it was 8 years agi i should forget it

We didn't say you should forget it.

Here is what I am going to say to your dilemma, you either deal with it or you don't there is really only two solutions to this problem. You talked to her about it, and you got an answer that you are not satisfied with.
1. believe her
2. Don't believe her, You only have two options there as well.

Basically, it is what you are willing to accept or not accept

If you can't forget and you are not willing to forgive you have to let go this relationship. (and that mean throwing away 10 years)

If you want to forgive, you have to move forward with what you expect for the future of this relationship.

How about this,

Set aside a time and place for this serious discussion. The tell her. "Look, honey, I want five uninterrupted minutes please, after which you can say whatever you want.

Then I want you to explain to her your feelings. I mean let everything out.

Tell her you want to be loving toward her, not resentful. Say listen I want to have a soft heart to heart without bitterness. Explain to her why you need toknow what really happened, tell her because you don't want to be in a relationship that was based on lies.

You can tell her that you know you told me nothing happened but if it did I want to know. Tell her you want an equitable relationship, and you want to continue that trust and remain in this relationship, and let her know how you feel.

1Holding back anger and frustration.
If she gives you the same response than you have to make a decision.
You can also say I know that I might be wrong, that it might just be my perception of what's going on between us. And that's why I want to discuss this. And when you are done let her respond.

Listen, talk it out and see what happens or how you feel after you have poured out your feelings. See her reaction, her body language, her tone.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZoeMarie

he hasn't answered a lot of our questions. lol

Lol
Funny we have the same problem with him that he has in his own relationship, He doesn't believe or want to hear what he is being told. Hmmm:confused:

I'm sorry I'm new here and I was told to ask Wondergirl about my question someone said she would know. Wondergirl if you could can you look at my question (Criminal background check with best buy)

Thanks

And sorry for not answering

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZoeMarie

he hasn't answered a lot of our questions. lol

A controlling personality?
1. Says she has to lose weight before he will marry her.
2. Holds on for years to unfounded suspicions of infidelity.
3. Closes a question when not getting the answer(s) he wants.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

A controlling personality?
1. Says she has to lose weight before he will marry her.
2. Holds on for years to unfounded suspicions of infidelity.
3. Closes a question when not getting the answer(s) he wants.

I had to spread the rep, but yeah... I agree

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeff_2491

I'm sorry I'm new here and I was told to ask Wondergirl about my question someone said she would know. Wondergirl if you could can you look at my question (Criminal background check with best buy)

Thanks

and sorry for not answering

Hi, Jeff. Please don't piggyback a question on another, although you did get my attention! I'll go to your other question now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Hi, Jeff. Please don't piggyback a question on another, although you did get my attention! I'll go to your other question now.

I'm sorry

I was going to answer, but apparently my answer will be seen as biased and unfounded so I'll bow out before given my advice

Since when have I done that, dude, you have a serious problem. You hold onto things for far too long instead of bringing them up when the time it occurs. 8 years, and you never notice something was wrong then you were blind or nothing happened.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZoeMarie

I had to spread the rep, but yeah... I agree

I never said she had to lose weight I said us.
No I do not believe her
Yes I do want to believe her
I want to sort this out so both our lives are not ruined
AND YES I LOVE HER THAT WHAT HURTS SO MUCH
Any more question I have missed I will answer

You have to sit down and talk to her like jolienoire said, just be calm and tell her what's bothering you. Give her a chance to come clean if anything did in fact happen. I get the feeling nothing did. I would also recommend counseling for both of you.