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Originally Posted by Elousia

I just am disappointed in myself that I let so much crap happen in the five months that she left me. I mean, crying and calling for 6 months??? Im so disappointed in myself, I don't believe I could have been so awful, I had so many chances to say NO, u left me now u deal with it, instead I slept with her, and a month later slept with her, and then a month and a half later slept with her again, just so she could meet the guy she is with now 3 days later.

I just want to know if I will be okay having messed up so badly these 6 months.....I really can't belive how hung up on her I have been, all in the meanwhile she has been moving on with no intentions of getting back together.

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You will be fine. I hung on to my ex for about the same time. I also slept with her 2 times, once in Feb and once in May. You'll be fine. Just remember the fact that you have lived without her and you CAN live without her again. Sooner or later you're going to realize that you really do love life and that you don't need her to be happy. I got dumped in January, begged/pleaded till June. If you look at me now you wouldn't even guess that I'm a guy who got dumped.

Thanks,

So much happened in our 4 year relationship, words cannot even describe, we went through so much, so much. I had such opportunity for my life and I blew it all and made it worse for myself then I could have ever imagined. I lost myself and lived life so bad when I was with her, it kills me to think about. I became so out of control with life it hurts to see it now that I'm out. Words can't describe it at how bad to myself and her that I was. Even if I couldn't see it and was loving/good guy. My family doesn't know why I am still having a hard time with this but I realized its I'm so down and hurt at how bad and carefree I was while I had the best chance in the world with this girl. She gave me everything. I took it all for granted. And now I'm left to pick up the pieces. Single, alone, not feeling like any other girl will ever love me again. It hurts.

It hurts so bad, but Im trying I really am trying, I haven't called and left a message at her work since July 1st(canada day) and it kills me to think of such a love this woman had for me and so opportunity I missed.

Thanks for the response inertia,

I really just can't wait too be in love again.

Elousia, we are going through the same thing here, he was my first love and I screwed up soooo bad. I screwed things up after the break up horribly. Check my thread, I don't think you were as mean to her as I was with my ex. I regret it so bad and I still feel horrible.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...le-373374.html

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Originally Posted by Elousia

thanks for the response inertia,

i really just can't wait too be in love again.

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Yeah, love rocks. Love is also sometimes stressful, draining, confusing, scary, misleading and unpredictable. Those ups and downs will return to you when you are truly ready. Try to internalize that love with self-focus for a while before you give it away to someone else again. It will be much more enjoyable when you aren't "needing" it.

Losing your first love is difficult because you had all your hopes and dreams wrapped up and it crashed and burned. The pieces that you chose to hold on to are just fractions of what it used to be. Maybe you think that if you change, you can rebuild those pieces into something greater, but you can't.

Finding the right partner is a series of trial and error. My first boyfriend said it perfectly when he broke up with me after 3 years. He said, "You deserve someone better." I spent the next three years thinking that he was the biggest jerk alive. I moved, started my career and he became the smallest of memories... still a jerk, but a small one. So now I am with the love of my life, and he is the "someone better" that my first love wasn't.

Hi elousia,

Your situation is almost similar with mine. I also slept with her 2 prior to our breakup and eat out and watch movies with her any other day until she found someone 2 weeks ago.

I was a friend to her with benefits and I keep on thinking our relationship could improve but I guess it went worse. It kills me to see her getting on with someone so easily.

We practically did everything together during our past 3 yrs and were even thinking of marriage.

And its been 6 months now that I still have terrible dreams and flashbacks. Its hard to move on but still we need to move on, by hook or by crook. I am on NC now, coming to 3 weeks now, but it still hurts I know. We are on the same wave length here thinking about what we can do to save the relationship (because it was just too great) but what's past has past and nothing can prevent it from happening except for your future relationship. My best pal has been dumped by his fiancée and they were 7 yrs into the relationship. I guess life goes on.

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Originally Posted by inertia

Yeah, love rocks. Love is also sometimes stressful, draining, confusing, scary, misleading and unpredictable. Those ups and downs will return to you when you are truly ready. Try to internalize that love with self-focus for a while before you give it away to someone else again. It will be much more enjoyable when you aren't "needing" it.

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These are true words of wisdom, thanks for them inertia, it comes back to the old saying you can't love someone if you don't love yourself.

I found it these last couple days that although I am hard on myself for various, although meaningful to me, ridiculous reasons life(not copping-out) has made me believe matter. For example, I live in North America, Canada to be exact, a big city even, wow I have it good (Toronto), yet there are children in other countries that are starving and surviving having lost their parents and have to fend for themselves (World Vision from donations from you and I help these children). So my hangups with weight or my problems with my teeth that keep me from smiling the way I would like even though trigger real emotions aren't as unfortunate as these starving children by the thousands, who truly know what struggle is. God is great in that these children will be the first through the gates in heaven, because if anybody in this world deserves to be in heaven it is these children that live with such little hope as they must pick through mounds of garbage to try and find someway to feed themselves or spend all day in a field, dusk till dawn to inadequately nutriment themselves for the day.

I have found myself love these last few days and I bless this break-up that I have gone through in order to find this in myself again.

I bless God for putting everybody and I here on his creation so that we may have a chance to experience such an existence and be tested on how we handle it. We are the architects of our own destiny through the choices we make and how we react from each day passing. Everyday is truly another chance at believing and following through in how we act and serve others from this day forward. The affirmation that today is the first day of the rest of my life is ever so sweetly true in everybody lives. It's a choice you make to be better not worse. To gain wisdom, to serve others, to know everything happens for a reason and that l you need to reflect on your emotions and feel but then use them to be better your inner core and to serve others, to make this world a better place.

Good morning Makapou, Wontgohomewo, in case I don't see you, Good afternoon ,good evening and goodnight, thanks for sharing your experience.

Cocada, thanks for your words and off to read your experience I go.

18 DAYS OF no contact for me,

The most I have went since January,

I really can't think about her anymore because when I do I start to cry because of how much she meant to me,

She was the best thing that ever happened to me and it hurts so much to think and know that she is gone,

So I distract as best as I can and do what I can to move on...

Just wanted to update, thanks for everything everone.

I hurt so bad right now, I just wish I could have followed the rules of leaving a good impression after a break up and given myself an honest chance, I didn't know about the rules and how important they were, I've been having a really hard weekend and I wish I didn't have too feel this way.

I went through so much for that girl and she went through so much with me, I don't know what to do because I love her so much.

I try and be strong everyday and I really try and try, but I hurt so bad, I never knew what love was or how to love before this and I have such a big heart, it hurts so bad.

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Originally Posted by Elousia

I let her use me as friends with benefits

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I agree, it's hard to let someone go, especially your first love... but you're making it almost impossible for you to feel better about it and move on. You're letting her use you for sex with no strings attached. She's got it all, doesn't she? Well, she can't have it all unless you let her, and you're definitely letting her.

You need to let her go, stop talking to her and just stay away for a long while. The only way you will pick yourself back up is if you stop being used and call it quits with her. Even if you don't want to right now, it's for the best for you later. Don't let her use you man, you're better than that. It won't be easy, so work hard and try to stick to it.

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I have such a big heart, it hurts so bad.

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At least your nor holding those feelings in, get them all out, until they are gone.

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I just wish I could have followed the rules of leaving a good impression after a break up and given myself an honest chance

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You need to accept things for what they are. Things would have ended the same way even if you had left a good impression. If you hadn't struggled to try and get her back you would be asking yourself whether you should have gone after her. I guess its best to regret things you have done than regret not having done things you wanted to.

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Originally Posted by Elousia

i try and be strong everyday and i really try and try, but i hurt so bad, i never knew what love was or how to love before this and i have such a big heart, it hurts so bad.

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I feel you :( It know hurts so much, I still feel that pain too. But you are doing such a good job by keeping NC! Just keep trying , don't give ! You ARE STRONG,and you will get over her, and the pain will go away. I can tell you have a big heart :) take care of it, it will heal.

Gambino-im not letting her use me for sex, three times this year that happened,all about a month and a half apart, she found someone 3 days after I let her use me for the third time,


It hurts because I cared about this go girl so much I watched her grow and it hurts so bad to see that I don't get to be growing her anymore, I came close to her, I watned everyone of her dreams to coome to true and be with her for it all, to see me out of her life and no longer apart of her growing kills me,

We went throug so much together, I don't know what to to forget all the pain and good times,

I never waneted to hurt my ex or lose her, I loved her so much

Ill be okay, I just fkn loved her so bad, and she loved me but I drove her away, I just have to learn from it and move on

You will never forget, but you will move past these feelings. Yes it sucks, yes right now it is all doom and gloom, but you'll get there. Venting does a solid job of emotional release, so keep at it.

I have never been so hurt and in pain like this in my life,

Its hard to believe that I pretty much ball my eyes out everyday,

I feel so ugly and that no woman will ever want to be with me,

I have a hard time coping most of the time,

This is unbelievable.

Thanks for the support guys,

I haven't seen her since may 1st,

This has been the longest I've ever been away from her,

It kills me... especially since she is with someone else...