Ask Me Help Desk - She asked for a break and I'm a mess

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Originally Posted by jamcoll7 https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/amhd_i...s/viewpost.gif
and wants to meet up again in a few months when she has her issues sorted. I'm not going to wait for her but if i am single then i will meet her

I think the chuffster is dead on about you being co-dependent. If you need someone to be happy, then your not happy with yourself. That will set you up for anyone who gives you the time, and get you in this same situation again.This can't be healthy, and will prevent you from having a happy in any relationship you get into.

The issue is how much you love yourself for who you are whether single or not, because In my experience, those are the ones you can identify what best for them as far as their choice of partners goes.

They are also not going to depend on a stranger of two months, or any one else for that matter to make them happy. They will be happy and share that happiness with the right partner. They will be less likely to accept BS from another just to have someone.

Learn this life lesson, which is to deal with your own feelings in a positive way so you won't be dependent on another. And you won't have to look back and hope someone has changed their feelings and will take you back.

You tried, it didn't work, so look ahead, and explore your other options and opportunities that life has for you. They are there you just have to see them, and be ready for them. So get ready for something better than what you had.

I got dumped many times, and it sucked every time. But I'm grateful to all those exes that let me go, because I finally found the partner for me and that was more than 30 years ago. I was really ready when she came along, and so will you be when your time comes.

Heal, and move on, and don't look back. Look forward.

I don't know if I agree with all of your comments but I do some. I know she is being selfish at the moment. Take this for example, I have just got home after this stressful day to see an e-mail from her asking for her things back in a kind of cold way and also asking if I would do a couples photo shoot with her in the next couple of weeks - we are both models. I really don't think she realizes how much hurt she has put me through. So when I give her, her things back I going to make it known!! This really sucks!!

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Originally Posted by jamcoll7

I don't know if i agree with all of your comments but i do some.

I would be curious to know EXACTLY what you don't agree with. If it's the co-dependancy issue that both Tal and I addressed, then you should re-read this whole thread like I just did. Only this time pretend I'm the one writing you for advice. Pretend this is someone else and they are seeking the truth from you. I said the truth, not some emotional mumbo jumbo, the truth. What are you going to tell them?

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Originally Posted by jamcoll7

I know she is being selfish at the moment.

At the moment? She's been selfish the entire time she's freaking known you. Which, by the way, is 60 days.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jamcoll7

Take this for example, i have just got home after this stressful day to see an e-mail from her asking for her things back in a kind of cold way

How would you expect it? In your OP you talked about how she dumped all her problems on you and how you soaked it up like her emotional tampon and continued to ask for more. Then she dumped you and you can't let it go and just yesterday YOU CALL HER to meet because you've gone a few days without talking to her. You can't let it go and you are way to clingy and needy to ever be the guy of her dreams... which again, in your OP it was established she likes guys that treat her like crap. Guys that do that don't call her because they haven't talked to her for a few days nor do they listen to her whine about her ex, nor do they whine to her about possibly being a back up plan, and then happily agree when she says they weren't.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jamcoll7

and also asking if i would do a couples photo shoot with her in the next couple of weeks - we are both models.

Man she is good. She is just toying with you now. You don't see it though. Everyone reading this does. Just keeps the string right there with the carrot dangling. I normally use my puppy anology where I say your acting like a good puppy at this point doing whatever she wants but let's face it, even a puppy would give up at some point and say "ah this isn't worth it."

Quote:

Originally Posted by jamcoll7

I really don't think she realizes how much hurt she has put me through.

She doesn't give a damn! What the hell? How do you not see this? I mean seriously, what the freaking hell are you not getting? She used you. She still is using you.

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Originally Posted by jamcoll7

So when i give her, her things back i going to make it known!!!

I just shrug my head in amazement. Why do you need to make it known how much hurt she has put you through. You already look weak, pathetic, needy, and clingy in her eyes, why add emotionally unstable to that list by whining about how hurt you are after 60 days?

Quote:

Originally Posted by jamcoll7

This really sucks!!!!!

Well it's your own fault. You have done everything completely backwards, and you still won't leave her alone... which is the one thing she wants now more then ever and you still can't give it to her.

Talaniman Rule- When you get dumped, disappear from their life, and get your own together. Take all your stuff with you, so there will be no hostages, or excuses, or confusion.

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Originally Posted by jamcoll7

She kept saying that i will eventually wake up and leave her, she had no trust i would stay.

Bam, there it is. That's projection, she was actually saying that she's going to leave you, whether she was conscious of that herself. With any future girlfriend, if you hear something along these lines, run, just run away because I guarantee it won't work.

Any time I heard "you'll call me a b*tch... I know you'll get annoyed with me", the relationship never lasted beyond two months. They never dealt with their emotional pain from the previous break-up and were pinning all of it on me.

You were a rebound, plain and simple, her telling you that you aren't doesn't mean jack (I tried that defense, too), you're trying to justify the break-up and you're probably asking yourself whether it'll work in the future. I nor anyone can't read the future so who knows, but just forget about her. I have a post on here very similar to yours. I dated a girl that I was really into for two months and she had recently got out of a bad, seven-year relationship with a f**king goon. I was doing/asking the same thing on here like you are now. Well, now she has a boyfriend and I haven't seen hear in almost a year. I highly doubt we'll get back together, and if we do, oh man, will it be different. I'd probably turn into a horror show and burn bridges because I'm unable to forget that I was just a tool and not a boyfriend, so I would do best just to avoid it. Her brother and I still keep in touch though, so it wasn't all a complete waste.

So you she used you, but now you know better. Don't get involved with emotionally distraught women.

It's really sh*t. I believed everything she was giving me was real. All the affection she gave me, all the little things, her wanting to see me all the time. The fact she flew to England to spend the week at my family home, her telling my parents how amazing she thought I was - I believed it all. Then the she made me deal with, her telling me all about her famous ex's, what they got up to, how there movie room was bigger than my apt and all her other emotional baggage. I just can't believe it wasn't real, I'm so annoyed I've been played for a fool! Now I have to go meet her and give her, her belongings back. It's going to be lots of fun :(

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Originally Posted by slapshot_oi

Bam, there it is. That's projection, she was actually saying that she's going to leave you, whether or not she was conscious of that herself. With any future girlfriend, if you hear something along these lines, run, just run away because I guarantee it won't work.

Any time I heard "you'll call me a b*tch... I know you'll get annoyed with me", the relationship never lasted beyond two months. They never dealt with their emotional pain from the previous break-up and were pinning all of it on me................

So ya she used you, but now you know better. Don't get involved with emotionally distraught women.

Wish I had read these lines or somebody has told me this in December last year. Thanks brother. God bless you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jamcoll7

It's really sh*t. I believed everything she was giving me was real. All the affection she gave me, all the little things, her wanting to see me all the time. The fact she flew to England to spend the week at my family home, her telling my parents how amazing she thought i was - i believed it all.

I was given a ticket to opening day of the Patriots season (ya, the game where Brady destroyed his knee, but he's back!). Front row, $120 face value, free. I was blown away. I thought that was a huge step in the relationship, I was certain she must really dig me after spending that much money on me.

A month later I'm dumped via text message.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jamcoll7

Then the she made me deal with, her telling me all about her famous ex's, what they got up to, how there movie room was bigger than my apt

I got that too, she thought I was an r-tard when it came to directions. "Tony just read a map, he didn't need Google... Tony could get us anywhere... Tony has a Nissan Titan... Tony Tony Tony". Ya, if Tony's such a stud why aren't you with him now?

Good riddance.

Quote:

Originally Posted by slapshot_oi

I was given a ticket to opening day of the Patriots season (ya, the game where Brady destroyed his knee, but he's back!). Front row, $120 face value, free. I was blown away. I thought that was a huge step in the relationship, I was certain she must really dig me after spending that much money on me...............

Heyyy... I was luckier than you... (kidding) Last December, I was gifted a trip, all expenses paid, to a Caribbean Island. Wish I was wise enough to politely decline the offer.

There is no such thing as a break if your going to be together it's a two person thing. A break is saying I want to be single I wasn't ready to start a relationship yet