Ask Me Help Desk - Boyfriend Forgot B-day 'Sort of'

Thanks for all the advice. Just wanted to say that everything is good. We talked about it.. as I saw him today... it's always much easier to sort out this kind of stuff in person. Sometimes it gets tricky since we live an hour + away from each other, so it is always better in person.
He offered to still take me to dinner that night before his gig and I said I'd be happy to spend time w/ him and go to his show as well. So it all will be okay. I think it just helped to see each other in person.
I appreciate all your advice so that I didn't end up saying anything to make things worse. I also appreciate you letting me vent and helping see different perspectives.
Thanks so much for all your help;-)

Okay well your boyfriend forgot your b-day.dont holda grudge against for that because he obviously didn't intentionanlly forget.. its okay.. just ask him did you really no it was my birthday you just wanted the gig... ask him that

Quote:

Originally Posted by krazyrachel2009

Okay well ur bf forgot ur b-day.dont holda grudge against for that because he obviously didnt intentionanlly forget..its okay..just ask him did u really no it was my bday u just wanted the gig....ask him that

Don't ask him that. That was a bad suggestion star. We've already established that he feels bad and is a really great guy anyway. You're on the right track with letting it slide.

Thanks,
Don't worry... I won't ask him that cause I honestly do know the answer. It's all good and I'm pretty much over it.
He said he'd take me to dinner that night before his gig(which I know is him making a big gesture cause he usually gets nervous/feels rushed before a gig and doesn't eat much... so I know he is offering to do that cause he wants to spend time w/ me and make me happy) and I did ask if he could play a special song for me and say 'happy birthday' at his gig... and he agreed... which I also know is him making a big gesture because he is pretty quiet/doesn't talk much at his gigs.
So I feel good and I know how much he really cares for me. And I know that it was not intentional and I'm sure he will try really hard not to do that again. And as I said before... he isn't known for having the best memory, which is something I'm learning to deal with since I love him... I'm learning to be more forgiving and realize that if he forgets something it doesn't mean that he doesn't care.. it just means that he is forgetful sometimes/doesn't have the best memory. Often times I have to remind him of things or he forgets them;-)
I'm learning to understand how not to take this personally... as mentioned before I tend to be over-sensitive, so I'm trying real hard to learn to not be quite as much.
Thanks so much again for all your help and support. I really appreciate it;-)

I'm happy everything is working out for you guys. =) Your situation reminds me a lot of my husband and me. I'm the pretty sensitive type too and he is forgetful. It's all about learning as you go and not making a big deal about little things. Good for you!

Thanks ZoeMarie,
It's good to find someone who understands. I guess it's just a testament to the love + care we feel for each other that we always want to work things out.
I mean, my boyfriend can be pretty over-sensitive at times too. Which brings me to another issue.. not sure if I should start a new thread, but since you were reading this one, I thought I'd post it.
What do you do when your man is insecure and sometimes gets angry because he makes things up in his head?
Well, here is an example: we were trying to figure out what to do and I jokingly said.. oh we could go to hear this band... not that I really want to go. And then all of a sudden he was real closed off and seemed angry. I can tell when he gets silent and doesn't respond much. And then it's like I have to remind him that I am on his side and he can tell me anything. I used to freak out real bad and get all crying/worried/etc... but now I know better how to stay calm and try and get him to tell me what is wrong.
Ends up he was thinking that I wanted to hear a certain band because I liked/was attracted to the guys in the band. Which I'm not at all and it seems silly to me for him to think that. But that happens sometimes... he gets real insecure about himself/his looks/etc... and then gets jealous/upset.. kind of takes a simple thing I say and thinks it means something else. And then I end up feeling angry that he is angry and hurt that he is sort of accusing me of liking these other people.. which I don't. I'm not that kind of girl at all. I'm a one man woman;-)
I guess my question is... since you said you are sensitive as well ZoeMarie... how do I not get hurt by this/take it personal. As I know it really doesn't have anything to do w/ me, but with his own insecurities. Which he freely admits to and admits that he sometimes has a bad week and starts feeling down/insecure/vulnerable and jealous... even though I give him no reason to be jealous.
Any tips/thoughts?
Thanks.. it helps so much to vent this on here. I feel that doing this helped me avoid trouble in the previous situation.
So I thank you so much everyone;-)

Well to tell you the truth my husband does that kind of thing too. He takes things I say and turns it around in his head to mean something totally different. Sometimes I just ask him "do you honestly think I said that to hurt you? that's not what I meant at all." Then it gives him a minute think. My husband does see a counselor from time to time though because of some insecurities.

I know he's been through a lot. There are books out there that you can read together to help understand each other. I think that's what has helped my husband and me a lot. His mom got us a book for our wedding. We knew before we got married that we still had things we needed to work on, communication being the number one thing and the book has helped a lot. If you want the name of the book it's Simple Secrets to a Great Marriage. I don't have a clue if you're anywhere near that stage, but it's good for couples who have been together for a while and are considering taking that next step.

Thanks ZoeMarie,
I know my man has really been through a lot too. He saw a couselor when he was young.. but not any longer. He really has had a rough life and the circumstances of his life made him pretty isolated/left out when he was younger... so I know that a lot of it stems from that.
And that example I gave you... I told him 'i just said that as a joke, I didn't really want to go' like sometimes I tease and say 'oh, I know you really want to go here!' kind of being sarcastic, but I guess he was in an insecure mood. He got jealous earlier in the week cause I seemed happy on some days when I wasn't with him and then down when I was with him... so he thought that other people/guys made me happier and he got all upset/insecure. But it was good it happened cause really I had just been down cause I needed to talk to him about some things that happened that had bothered me.
I guess that is the trouble w/ me being such a sensitive person. If I don't talk about it, then it builds up and I can't feel close/connected. But then it's tricky to talk about stuff in the right way so he doesn't get upset/defensive/feel blamed/wrong. I've gotten a lot better at trying to talk/explain my feelings in a non-blaming way. And he's gotten much better at listening to my feelings and acknowledging them. That's probably all I ever want... is to feel understood and to have my feelings acknowledged. I know that is what he wants too.
And he has learned what things to say when I feel that way... the words that help me. Though sometimes he forgets and then I have to remember not to take it personal and to know that he just forgot the words I need to hear. I mean.. he always says he is sorry if something hurt/bothered me. But I know I am pretty over-sensitive and that is something I am working on too.
In re: to marriage... I was all for that a year or so ago (we've been together about 3-4 years on and off)... we've been through a lot together and I know we both really want it to work or we wouldn't still be together. We had a struggle/issue about the marriage thing before. He didn't like the idea cause his parents and all his siblings have really bad situations/abusive or divorced.. so all he ever saw marriage cause was trouble. Or he saw that love equaled pain. I was really hurt at the time.. but I understand now. I also realize I'm definitely not ready for that yet either. And we have a lot of work to do in learning to communicate better and just 'be' with each other.. so I guess if the time is ever right.. it will happen. We both have health issues too that kind of get in the way as well. So we deal with that on top of it.. but also connect because of it. I know it wouldn't work right now even if we tried living together.. it would take a long story to explain why that is not possible right now anyway.. it has to do with our respective health issues, etc. but I believe if it is meant to be, that it will happen someday. And we love each other and care for each other and probably end up communicating better than a lot of married people I see/know... so I think things are going on a good path.
Thanks for letting me talk/vent. I really appreciate it. Seems like you and I have some similarities w/ our relationships. I have one more issue I'd like to ask you about.. but I need some sleep so bad!
I'm on a 3rd shift schedule.. it's 8am here and I need to get to bed... but I'll write more later if you don't mind. Thanks sooooooo much;-)

Yeah, I wasn't in any way saying to rush into marriage. I'm sure you know that, but I just wanted to clarify. I was just curious if that book would help you guys at all.