Is your husband aware of your cheating ways?

I would be more concern with my spouse loving me more then some guy your having an affair with. Some how I think your confusing the attention your getting from this for love.

Btw, remember karma has a way of catching up to you and kicking you in the butt.

I have just come off the phone with said person and we are meeting this evening to talk things through... This is it guys, you have all made me think wisely as I have had nobody to discuss with this it has been exactly what has been needed. Advice, criticism, you lot telling me what I should do and shouldn't... I should have done this years ago.. Just hope he doesn't swet talk his way around me as he usually does. All I need to do now is get my act in order as to what to say when and how...
Wish me luck
I know this is going to have me in tears as he means a lot to me.. but as you all have made me aware of my marriage is more important if I want to save it...
Oh my days... I am so scared... xx

There's an old saying about when you let someone go you meet someone new. The someone new if your situation just might be yourself. You might finally get to know the real you, not the person who is the other woman.

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Originally Posted by Bubbs22

I agree totally with all your contributions and now feel i must sort all this out once and for all... due to my lack of confidence i havn't a clue where i amgoing to start though..... why can't life just be easy....

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Life wasn't meant to be easy, sweete. If it was who would learn from anything and how would you get stronger as a person? As much as it sucks sometimes, you do grow stronger as a person. The old saying is true. "If it doesnt kill you it will only make you stronger." With life comes with some tough decisions that you HAVE to make. If not your only going to find yourself miserable. That's no way to live

I agree with you totally Biz . Thanks for your support... just hope things all go to plan.. I know I have behaved badly and you guys have made me see this.. Deep down I do love him to bits but at the end of the day I need to think am I really happy with the way things are.. is going to carry on like this for another 8 years... and by then things will be even more complicated... if he really did care for me and love me he will prove that this evening... so lets see...

I don't understand the reasons for meeting this guy your having an affair with especially if you know you might fall for his sweet lines. You don't owe him any explainations.

You can simply call and tell him your going focus on your marriage now and will not continue with the affair your having with him then hang up. I hope he doesn't blackmail you.

Then your going have to decide if your going tell your husband or not and work on rebuilding your marriage.

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Originally Posted by Bubbs22

.... if he really did care for me and love me he will prove that this evening... so lets see ....

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What?

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Originally Posted by Bubbs22 https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/amhd_i...s/viewpost.gif
.... if he really did care for me and love me he will prove that this evening... so lets see ....

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Prove it how, and why the freak would you care how he feels... nevermind, keep running head first into the brick wall, let me know how that works for you.

Right OK I understand... I shall ring him and cancel... tell him over the phone... your all right just me being my normal self, though it would be best to speak to him face to face... I'm too much of a sentimentalist...

Once again I put him first not wanting to hurt his feelings but I am seeing exactly what you mean why do I feel I would hurt him...

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Originally Posted by Bubbs22

I'm too much of a sentimentalist ...

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How about that guy whose ring you are wearing. How come you don't get sentimental with him? Someone takes an oath to be with you for life and then has the nerve to take a job to support you that requires him to be away for 5 days a week and you can't get sentimental about that. That's complete BS. You have a husband that chose you and provided for you and sit here and try and defend cheating on your part, on this other guys part, a complete sham of a relationship, what love is and what you say you are going to do.

What is causing all this? Why is the man who gave you a lifetime commitment not worthy of you freaking sentiment? Why is the guy who took a job away from you to provide for you not worth your sentiment? Your husband deserves better then this and the only people who seem to recognize that sentiment are the ones on the board and not the one bragging about how sentimental she supposedly is.

:(
Heck!!

Do you not think I don't realise all that... why do you think I am going through all this upset to try and sort out myself for my husbands benefit...
You must imagine me as a really heartless person... I'm not why do you think I am ending all this...
The things you say make me want to just go into a corner and die... so everything goes away

Sorry, I'm not going to fall for it. Maybe those sypathy lines work on the two guys in your life but not on me. Go play the "whoa as me" card somewhere else. You get burned in a fire you can play that card. You lose both legs you can play that card. You are born with a incurable disease you can play that card. You cheated on your husband for 8 years and then wanted another cheater to tell you he loved you. Then you said you take some positive steps in you life and end it.

But then you wrote this...

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Originally Posted by Bubbs22

if he really did care for me and love me he will prove that this evening... so lets see ....

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So really you were not going to end it for you. You were going to end it as an ultimatium for him. Your husband had nothing to do with this.

Then when you got questioned on that you said...

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Originally Posted by Bubbs22

right ok I understand..... I shall ring him and cancel ..... tell him over the phone .... your all right just me being my normal self, though it would be best to speak to him face to face ... I'm too much of a sentimentalist ...

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So spare me the "you must think I'm heartless" speech. I'm not the one whoring around on my husband and I sure am not going to be made guilty because I dare call you on you ridicules, cruel, and well yeah.. heartless behavior.

You came her looking for answers and we deal in reality. If you want to play your stupid middle school games that everybody sees through you keep doing what your doing. You want results you damn well better start looking the mirror, and quit blaming everyone else for everything that is not going right in your life.

I not falling for what your saying either. Some how you don't want to end it and you want to continue with the affair. If so, then leave your husband because you done cheating on him for 8 years and that is shameful.

No more lies! Now if you want to start being faithful like a wife should then break it off over the phone or stop calling him and/or stop taking his calls. Sooner or later he will get the picture unless he isn't that bright but you don't owe him any explanations.

Its funny how vows don't mean shyt to people these days...

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Originally Posted by none12345

Its funny how vows dont mean shyt to people these days....

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They do to Bubb's husband.

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Originally Posted by Bubbs22

Do you not think i don't realise all that.... why do you think i am going through all this upset to try and sort out myself for my husbands benifit ....
you must imagin me as a realy heartless person... I'm not why do you think i am ending all this ....
The things you say make me want to just go into a corner and die.... so everything goes away

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You can't be all that surprised by our reaction, Bubbs. You did make it sound like you were ending it with him, then said and I'm paraphrasing here- see if he proves that he loves me, tonight. So its true that if he were to say that he was in love with you, you would stay? Saying it doesn't mean anything.. actions show it. IF you two were "desitned" to be together and you both honestly loved each other, than you would have ended your marriages years ago, and would not have carried this of for 8 long years.

That's why not many here are sympathetic to you. In this quote you make it sound like you're a victim. But no one put a gun to your head and made you cheat on your husband. A mistake is a mistake, but you carried this on for 8 years. That means there was plenty of time for guilt, regrett.. and obviously you chose to ignore it.

Bottom line... END IT! Don't put any expectations on him to tell you something that you want to hear. Because that's what he's going to do to keep you around. You are his go-to girl for sex. He doesn't love you... I repeat, doesn't! All these things he's done for you is to keep you around.. THATS IT! Don't fall into that trap. As soon as you accept that truth you will be able to end it. Get on with your life. You know your not being fair to your husband. And he doesn't deserve this and "he" defenitly deserves to be happy.

Well all I can say is I didn't fall into the trap I have told him I will not be seeing him no more and asked him not to contact me... of course I was asked all the normal questions to which I answered...
He left the conversation saying he was quite upset as to me saying I basically am only a f buddy and nothing more... I basically said that its over as you have no other reason for wanting me in his life...
Woke up to 5 e-mails this morning and text messages, wanting me to meet him, to talk, I have ignored them... which I will say is very difficult... but have done it. No matter what you all think of me I do have a heart and at the moment it is hurting as I now have just thrown away my best friend ever...

Well sometimes you have to do that.

You were having an affair with this best friend for the last 8 years. If you seriously think for 1 minute the two of you can erase the 8 years and be just friends then your sadly mistaken.

He is out your life for now and keep his out. The only guy you should be focus is your husband. I think it is unfair that he doesn't know what you been up to for the last 8 years.