BrentNumber1: I think you should tell her that you cannot be friends with her. As long as you are around her, you will never be able to move on. You will never be able to fall in love with someone else. Nobody will ever look as good to you as she does. Tell her you think its best that until you meet another girl, that you guys don't talk to each other. See how she reacts.

I personally think that if you can be best friends, you have the potential to be life partners. Sometimes the other person doesn't see that right away. She will date other people and either find a new best friend to spend her life with or realize how great you were and decide she wants to be with you.

Ayejay- have done the NC thing and lived without her for basically 5+ months. Then I opened the door a bit to try to see if a friendship could be rebuilt and she really came back stronger than I was expecting. I think she is having some issues with her current relationship and I have become an outlet. Don't get me wrong, the line is drawn and we don't talk about relationship things at all except maybe in passing reference to the sig. other (mine that ended recently or hers). I refuse to be a shoulder for her to cry on in that regard. We both have a really strong interest in running and have been training together for an upcoming marathon. I guess my problem is that in reconnecting with her I was OK with a casual talk and hang out every couple of weeks/month sort of thing and she is responding with more interest in renewing the friendship than I had anticipated. She initiates most of our communication and I am all too willing to oblige. Just seems odd for someone in a supposedly solid relationship to be talking to/hanging out with a guy that she was at one time intimate with isn't it? Or am I reading far too much into this?
I really am just happy to renew the close bond we used to have and don't really care about the fact that we're not romantically together. But I can't really be sure if this is just me deluding myself with the sliver of false hope that she will want to eventually come back and I will have "won" her affection. I can say that I definitely feel better with her as a part of my life than without her even if it's just in the role of friend. I don't exactly know what that means though and if it is somehow preventing me from moving on. I don't feel like it is, I just haven't found anyway else I consider relationship-worthy in the meantime and after a couple of failures am unwilling to settle just for the sake of being with someone.

Hmm... really interesting. It sounds almost the way I would expect my relationship with C to be in a few months. Well, here are a couple of thoughts:
(1) I don't think you are reading too much into it--if I had a girlfriend who wanted to spend a lot of time with her male ex-boyfriend instead of with me, I would be rightly upset. I don't know if it necessarily means she wants to get back with you, but certainly it means that things aren't so strong with her "other".
(2) If you had another girlfriend (which you will eventually), how would she feel about you maintaining this relationship with your ex? Will you be willing to give it up?
(3) You seem like you have really thought this through. But I do think you are deluding yourself and you see false hope. The fact that you call it false hope--that alone shows that you still want her back. As long as you want her back, you can never just be friends. Even though you think you have accepted this girl as a friend, the fact will remain that it will hurt you every time she brings another guy into her life and you will always be there waiting for her when she needs help.

Good points.
Whatever the status of her current relationship, it's none of my business and I don't really care to know the details and she seems to understand and steer clear of the topic. I don't think I'm being subversive or underhanded in my recently renewed communications but just acting as a good friend.
As for the question of what would happen if I had another girlfriend, I would definitely be willing to give up the friendship for the right reasons and right girl. I have to look out for myself first and if she is holding me back from a happy, healthy relationship I wouldn't hesitate to end the friendship. After all, I gave her every opportunity to be a priority in my life and she rejected that chance for whatever reason. I would hope we could remain friends but I would not let the friendship impede my path to ultimate happiness.
Again, I don't really think I'm harboring any false hope but I need to stay on top of things to make sure my actions are solely that of a friend as opposed to a suitor. It's a bit of a tightrope to walk and sometimes feels not altogether worth it.
BTW, sorry for threadjacking this...

With regard to C, I do recommend staying the NC course though for at least 3 months though to gain some control and perspective over the situation. Do you want her in your life as just a friend in the future or do you think it would just prevent you from moving on? It's probably too early to tell with the pain too fresh but before contacting her I would think long and hard about your answer to that question.

Yeah, its too early to tell. But I don't think I would want her as a friend for the right reasons. I have lots of friends that I have fun with and when I meet another girl I like, I really try to spend all my free time and share my life with her. Then there would not be any room for C in my life. Part of me thinks that I could try to meet some of her friends (she has cute friends), but somehow that doesn't feel right. I know she will call soon--she said she bought me a birthday present but doesn't want to give it to met yet, because it would remind me of her. Also I have some of her stuff and she has mine. But if/when she calls I don't intend to answer. If she wants her stuff back, I will leave it with the doorman.

Don't worry about Threadjacking... its just good to talk and get different perspectives. But it does sound like you have thought it through pretty well and are being rational. What's the whole story with you and the ex? How long were you dating and what were some of the reasons she gave it up?

Good plan, you need to get adjusted to not having her in your life and the sooner the better (as painful as it may be). Right now she has far too much power over you and you need to get things back on an even playing level before even thinking about being friends. If that's what you even want (which it sound like you might not). At least it's summer and there is plenty going on so distractions are easier right?

Here is a link to my (pathetic) story: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...me-304709.html

Brent: That's rough. Real rough. But I can understand where you are coming from. Being friends with her is tough if you keep getting back together. Even if you did get together and got married, I would worry that she would cheat. I am sure she is not doing it on purpose, but it does seem like she is taking advantage of you... when she most needs you, you are there for her, but is she there for you when you most need her?

Ok, Guru's of love: Help me out. She just called me. Its been almost 2 weeks of NC. I didn't pick up the phone. She left me a message. Basically she was saying hi and hopes that I am doing OK. She said that she got some surprising news the other day, but didn't tell me what it was. She ended with feel free to call me back. The call was places at 2pm on a Sat. afternoon.

What should I do? I really do want her back but I was planning to ignore this message. Waiting for her to call once or twice more before I call her back. What do you think?

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What should I do?

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Keep NC

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I really do want her back but I was planning to ignore this message. Waiting for her to call once or twice more before I call her back. What do you think?

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Pay attention here okay, your taking a friendly phone call to mean you have a chance to get her back??

You need to see how your setting yourself up. No doubt false hope is clouding your judgment and distracting you from your healing because...

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But I don't think I would want her as a friend for the right reasons. I have lots of friends that I have fun with

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So don't pretend you can be a friend and not break the romantic attachments. Healing comes first. Thats why you keep NC, so you won't be jumping at every chance to keep hope alive, and deal with yourself, and LEARN to cope with your own feelings so she can't confuse and torture you, because you allow it.

NC, will help you be unavailable, for confused feelings, and thats what you need to heal. Time without her.

Hard to do ain't it?? Stick with it though.

Thanks Tal. But what if she really does want me back? What if she was calling because she missed me and was having second thoughts? Then shouldn't I call her back. If she calls once or twice more, it might mean that she has been thinking about me and wants me back.