Ask Me Help Desk - Am I adding to his sorrow

Maybe you should just leave the site and take your question else where if you want to rude and disrespectful to some members. Being this way isn't nice and I wonder if you were this defensive with your ex when it came down to certain topics. Especially when you heard something you didn't want to hear.

I would love to know how did you confront him because their a wrong and right way to approaching an issue.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joysjrny

You are ASSuming I dumped him??? I never dumped him and still want to be with him. I just confronted him. I think before you answer any more questions you need to ask a person some important information before you just jump in there and be so rude to them or you are defeating the purpose of helping people. I just confronted him and he is the one that has chosen to take a break not me. If I am going to consider being with someone long term then I have the right to confront him if he wants to be with someone there locally. The same way he has the right to ask me, too. We both have invested a lot into this relationship.

I think you made it clear that he wants a break to sort things out. Just give him time to figure it out. Be patient, he will find you when he is ready: (Please refer to my last post #11)

People are just trying to prepare you for the worse case scenarios. You don't need to take it so hard. You might disagree with their opinions, but you have to respect their opinions, because they are taking time to help you sort out your issues.

During this time off, you must realize that he might not come back to you. He might decide that it is better for you two to go separate ways. So because of that, it's better that you start moving on so that you won't feel as much pain later.

It won't hurt for you to start moving on, because, let's say when he's done taking his time out and wants to get back with you, (and you still feel the same way), it will be easy to go from where you left off.

So no harm done by trying to move on. It will only make you stronger in the long run. It's better than making yourself suffer while you are waiting for him to figure things out.

So these are the different perspectives. At the end of the day, it's up to you what you think is best. If you do not want to move on yet, because you don't feel ready for that, just remember to have patience and not give him extra pressure. Find things to occupy your time so that you don't suffer so much.

Quote:

Originally Posted by liz28

Maybe you should just leave the site and take your question else where. Bye.

I didn't want to give you a negative reputation because you've given too many great advices, but I have to disagree. We are not all going to agree with each other's opinions, but that is also our strength as a group.

We all give different perspectives to the same situation. Ultimately, the person who asked the question in the first place has to decide which advice feels the most appropriate to follow.

This person happens to be new in this forum, so is not used to some of our harsher advice. That's no way to turn our back on them. We preach patience to others. I believe that we should also have patience when giving others advice.

The more difficult the patient (in the case, the one seeking advice), the greater the success when we accomplish something, right?

Actually I change it after I posted it and it wasn't negative because the OP was being rude to some members.

I see this a lot on the teens board but I wouldn't expect an adult to act this way.

Common curiosity goes a long way.

I see both points, she is hurt and possible taking her frustrations and anger out on members of the board. Is it right, no but if it makes her feel better than I'll let her vent. Breaking up is a tough thing to go through, mixed emotions and feeling betrayed are hard to swallow. We have all been there

Quote:

Originally Posted by liz28

Actually I change it after I posted it and it wasn't negative because the OP was being rude to some members.

I see this alot on the teens board but I wouldn't expect an adult to act this way.

Common curiosity goes a long way.

Had to spread rep. True, people need to be more mature when asking for advice. I would say this applies whether we are an adult or a teen.

But still, I think if we're in a position to give advice, we got to keep our cool too.

I found it very rude that AjGambino gave me advice through his assumptions, but not on anything I wrote, as follows:

AjGambino:
You know, you would be right in this case, but there's just one little detail that you're missing.

YOU BROKE UP WITH HIM.
I don't care how long you're together with someone. It is not OK to ask your ex about his own life. You left, that means you cut all ties with this guy. This is none of your business anymore.
You talked about marriage? I'm sorry, I believe you threw that right out the window when you dumped him.
He does not owe you anything, no explination to ANYTHING he's doing with his life.
You cannot keep tabs on this guy, you need to deal with you choice that you made and let him move on.

I never mentioned dumping him and confronted him during the time we were together. I actually found a lot of the advice insightful and helpful as I mentioned, as follows:

Sounds like you caught him at a bad moment. He's already going through some personal problems and you just added some salt to his wound. Leave him alone for a while until he sorts out his issues and feelings.

Comments on this post
joysjrny agrees: He is the type to sort things out... thanks

He's battling depression and trying to get his life organized, without an outside influence. Give him the space he requested as he is going through a lot right now

Comments on this post
joysjrny agrees: Thanks that is helpful!

Well, depression is an extremely strong disease that takes time and effort to work on. The strains of finding a career and having a long distance relationship to maintain are only going to put more pressure on him. The guy needs time to get things together, and some guys (like me) feel more capable of doing things when they only have to rely on themselves. Until he gets his things in order and his life on the track he feels comfortable with, everything else is second fiddle. I know it is hard, but he must do this for himself, so be strong for him and give him what he asked for. Good luck!

Comments on this post
joysjrny agrees: Yea, He is like that. Appreciate the feedback!

I can tell the difference when someone is really trying to help or not. That is why this site gives us the opportunity to say whether we found the advice helpful or not, so if you don't like my feedback don't read my posts.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joysjrny

I found it very rude that AjGambino gave me advice through his assumptions, but not on anything I wrote.

I did assume, reason be:

"He always told me that he was worried to see me in person because he knew that he would miss me too much after I left."

Regardless of all the assumptions and comments, I'm sorry for assuming and never meant to be negative and hurtful. Either way, the results stay the same. Respect his wishes and do not contact him. Maybe it seems like we're being negative, but we're just giving you advice you need to hear. Obviously it's not what you like to hear, but it's what you need to hear.

Sometimes, tough love is the only thing that seems to get through to people.

Adding to everyone's sorrow is so many opinions and we are all saying the same thing over and over and over.

Ticky