Aj, love is comparable to that of an episode of mania (extream happyness, euphoria, and large over load of energy), and Cocaine.

Love is a drug, quite literally, and is just as addicting as one too. Be aware that your desire for contact with her is out of a need to get a "fix". It is hard, but you would be wisest to continue NC.

Find things you like to do, to keep your mind off her. Keep busy, and do things that will grip your focus so it will stay with you, and not her. Do not tell yourself you won't think of her, because you are thinking of her. Just think on other things, like a game you like, or people you enjoy hanging with, or talking on here, but stop talking about "her". I'm not saying we are annoied, we are not I assure you, but the point is to forget about her for now. When you are stronger and ready pick up the pieces look at them and let them go. That requires time my friend. It may be wise for you to try joining a group or something. Also, it maybe best to aviod relationship threads until you're past her, to sort of speak.

Peace be with you brother.

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Originally Posted by Nestorian

Also, it maybe best to aviod relationship threads untill you're past her, to sort of speak.

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You think I should stay off the relationship forums? I found it helpful in ways and to be honest, I haven't been away from this site since the breakup. So you think it's good to quit for a while?

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Originally Posted by ajGambino

You think I should stay off the relationship forums? I found it helpful in ways and to be honest, I haven't been away from this site since the breakup. So you think it's good to quit for a while?

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I think participating in the relationship forums whilst being in the midst of a break-up is a good thing.

Not only does it occupy some time but you get to learn a lot of the lessons that are so important for your next relationship.

That's just my view :cool:

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Originally Posted by ajGambino

You think I should stay off the relationship forums? I found it helpful in ways and to be honest, I haven't been away from this site since the breakup. So you think it's good to quit for a while?

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No no, not the whole site, just refrain from any thread that may pertain to your ex relationship. Just till you sort yourself out, then again that all depends upon whether you've told your story and feel reasured that we are here shuold you find yourself..? :rolleyes: (not rolling my eyes, thinking.)..? Quarelling with yourself. Then feel free to ask for help, we are here. However, you will need to eventually need to let go, when you are ready.

Just trying to give you advice about how to let go of her. If you find that you can not stop thinking about your relationship when you read these threads then try to read other threads, Teen (if they are about other things than Relationships BF/GF.), religion, science, math, etc. IF there are realtionships that are not BF/GF jump in on those too.

All in good time brother, if you are still pretty fresh from the break up, say what you need eh. You'll know when it's time better than I.

Peace and kindness be with you brother.

You could also try popping over to the lounge area The Lounge - Ask Me Help Desk , some crazy goings on over there . But Fun :)

Thanks, all good suggestions. I'll check out the Lounge, see what's going on in there. Maybe it is a good idea to get away from all these heartache threads.

Aj, I try not to read too much of the heartache stories because they kind of bring me back. I understand what they're saying. It's not a bad idea.

But take it from me, someone who finally understands the NC rule, after months. Do whatever you can to not speak to her. It makes you feel great for those few moments you hear the softness in her voice and brings you back to every late phone call, and makes you feel great. But after it all it's going to end with you in the same position. It's not worth it. I've broken multiple attempts at NC about 5 times all with the same result. We met up three times within that and all left it with the same stuff! Everyone on here wanted to kill me. chuff literally said he was going to bang his head on the wall about 2 months ago, and I still continued it and didn't understand. Stay strong, a month from now you will be so happy you made it that much farther.

But the people on here don't lie. They're people just like you and me, just way beyond this stage. Seriously pick up new hobbies, go new places, find out things about yourself. I joined a new basketball league with kids from towns I never have met. I'm going on the AIDS walk in NYC this Sunday with the one girl my girlfriend hated but I always wanted to talk to because she's nice. You really got to try new stuff and maybe you won't be happy every second of everyday but look forward to certain things and make plans to do fun things and feel good, and live dude don't feel bad for yourself. Just in live.

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Originally Posted by jman123h

chuff literally said he was going to bang his head on the wall about 2 months ago, and i still continued it and didn't understand.

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I actually remember that post, because not only did I see what was going to happen to you, I felt like I couldn't break through your wall that you had against us trying to help vs her who didn't care. It sucks when you see someone making every mistake imaginable and you can't stop them, but AJ, take it from Jman he was in a world of hurt and here he is with a renewed sense of self, happiness, and I dare say confidence. Nobody here has gone through this and not been in the same place you are, you are not talking to a bunch of people who are clueless. Sometimes you just have to trust to follow the advice and believe that it will take you out of where you at, because it has before and as Jman can attest to, it has for him.

Jman, Chuff, thanks a lot. I will try to cut back on the heartache stories. Since April 21st, I've learned a lot from you guys, even though it hasn't been that long.

Some positive things are starting to come up though. I almost have my full appetite back, I'm going back to school in the summer and in the fall, watching a lot of movies at the moment. Videogames are my thing, but I can't bring myself to play yet... I'm not too sure why, I just don't have the urge to play.


Here's something interesting:

Last night I was getting ready for bed (around 3:30AM) because I had work at 8. Instead of leaving the TV on, I forced myself to turn everything off and try to sleep. The noise from my head was so distracting, I started getting a really bad headache. So, for about 2 hours I was all over the place with my thoughts and doubts and 'what ifs' and 'chances'. I couldn't stop, I just screamed "STOP!" Well, it didn't stop.

Then I tried to force myself to think about something else, nothing worked... until I thought of the Zelda series. Those had so many puzzles and brain teaser dungeons in there, I started walking myself through the Ocarina of Time (N64) and I found myself relaxed and tired, finally falling to sleep.

It's not a huge breakthrough, but it seems like it was for me last night. Just ranting, sorry.

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Originally Posted by Nestorian

P.S. I do miss that girlish curves, and smooth body. The soothing sounds she can make when she is pleased. Yep, i sure miss playing my guitar. ;)
It's a black Walden, good guitar to start with.

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When I first read this I thought you meant your ex and I was like O_O lol

- No more being around someone who told me to be more realistic and don't follow my dreams. Said I wanted to be a musician, travel to space one day, explore the rainforest but as told I was a dreamer not a realist.

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Originally Posted by ajGambino

Here's something interesting:

Last night I was getting ready for bed (around 3:30AM) because I had work at 8. Instead of leaving the TV on, I forced myself to turn everything off and try to sleep. The noise from my head was so distracting, I started getting a really bad headache. So, for about 2 hours I was all over the place with my thoughts and doubts and 'what ifs' and 'chances'. I couldn't stop, I just screamed "STOP!" Well, it didn't stop.

Then I tried to force myself to think about something else, nothing worked...until I thought of the Zelda series. Those had so many puzzles and brain teaser dungeons in there, I started walking myself through the Ocarina of Time (N64) and I found myself relaxed and tired, finally falling to sleep.

It's not a huge breakthrough, but it seems like it was for me last night. Just ranting, sorry.

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Get a gym membership. Then get on treadmill, cycle, or ellipitical machine and just push yourself. Go and go and go. When you feel like you can't go no more, keep going. When you get to tired, take a break. About 15 minutes later get back on and do it agaiin. This will do three things. One, it will force you to focus on yourself even for a little bit. Two it will wear you out and should start bringing some sleep into your future. Three, you'll get into better shape. If you can't afford a gym membership go for a long walk daily, but whatever you do start moving and doing it past your comfort zone.

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Originally Posted by chuff

Get a gym membership. Then get on treadmill, cycle, or ellipitical machine and just push yourself. Go and go and go. When you feel like you can't go no more, keep going. When you get to tired, take a break. About 15 minutes later get back on and do it agaiin. This will do three things. One, it will force you to focus on yourself even for a little bit. Two it will wear you out and should start bringing some sleep into your future. Three, you'll get into better shape. If you can't afford a gym membership go for a long walk daily, but whatever you do start moving and doing it past your comfort zone.

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Yeah, I've been thinking about exercising. Everyone here seems to get a big lift in working out. I'm rather slim, but I wouldn't mind being a little ripped... kind of like Bruce Lee. Lol

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Originally Posted by ajGambino

Yeah, I've been thinking about exercising. Everyone here seems to get a big lift in working out. I'm rather slim, but I wouldn't mind being a little ripped...kind of like Bruce Lee. lol

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Slim has nothing to do with this. This is about pushing your body so that you release the endorphins in your brain, wear yourself out to bring about sleep, and focus on yourself. Your focus shoudn't be on losing weight, it should be on improving your emotional state and overall health.

It's bizarre. When I first got dumped and came onto this site looking for "answers," there was this one guy who had a long post about his breakup and how hard it was for him, and his immediate advice was "go to the gym!"

And I first thought, "what...what the heck is that going to do?"

But, regardless, I knew I could lose a few pounds, so I started going to the gym... and it was AWESOME. Not only was it a good distraction, it helped me take out the anger/stress... and after a month or so, I started to look better, and feel better about myself.

4 months later, I lost about 30 pounds, bought new clothes, women started checking me out more, just felt good.

Yes dude. Go to the gym. Being an intense football player, I've always been a big lifter and it was helping me along great in the beginning, I stopped for about 3 weeks and that's when it back down hill. I've now gotten so into it I'm training myself with bodybuilder workouts because I have that build. But it's not about being that way. It puts you in better shape, builds confidence, gets you out for a couple hours, makes you more tired to go to bed. And set some goals or something! I set a goal to go do this crazy workout for 4 weeks straight, and I'm going to do it. Be determined. Believe in yourself.

Or, pick up a new hobby. I quit baseball because it's all I ever knew and joined the golf team at my school because I always wanted to do it and I said screw it I'm going to do what I never thought I would. And now that's another thing I have that just makes me feel like nothing matters. Because everyone has those worries all of the time, everyone thinks about death, the future, and what ifs and should have would have coulda's, but you need to find things that make that stuff not matter and puts a void in your head of bad times. Really open up to some new stuff, it will only do some good.

Well personally I am very glad to have been dumped by my last ex because it became a catalyst for what I have today. When we broke up I was so upset and frustrated that I finally just said ENOUGH! I decided I wasn't going to try and concentrate on dating anymore. I just stopped trying and this made me open my eyes to what was right in front of me the whole entire time. I was searching so hard I couldn't see what was under my nose. I am now very happily married to a wonderful man. Had I stayed with my ex I see know he would have only kept bringing me down. That is one break up I can only be thankful for.

Best thing about a break up.

Getting a sassy new hair cut and a new wardrobe.

I always seem to head straight to the hairdresser when I break up with someone... makes me feel like a new person and washes away any yukky vibes my now ex boyfriend left on me :D

I've been known to throw out a few clothes too, there was a certain blouse that I wore on our first date, it was always going to remind me of him so I threw it away and went shopping for some new ones :)

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Originally Posted by ajGambino

Yeah, I've been thinking about exercising. Everyone here seems to get a big lift in working out. I'm rather slim, but I wouldn't mind being a little ripped...kind of like Bruce Lee. lol

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More than anything, and I may get ripped for this, going to the gym is about being productive. Life is not about sitting on your a$$ waiting for something to happen, it is about pushing yourself every hour of every day, PERIOD. Working out has a lot of pros that of course need not be mentioned, but, most of all, exercising is a way to be productive rather than to be counter productive. Make things happen! If you aren't doing things to constantly better yourself, then you are wasting the gifts that God has given you.

I would suggest going for LONG walks outside. I would walk for 2-3 hours until I just couldn't stand it anymore. I-Pod on all the way up, just me and my legs doing the thing! Get work done AJ.

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Originally Posted by kctiger

Get work done AJ.

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I'm planning on it. Come this Sunday, I'm going to seek out a gym membership. There's a gym not too far from where I am, I'll probably go down there. Better yet, I'll walk. Thanks.