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Originally Posted by rol

<<. If that were so possible, we would be hearing right here at AMHD all about it from those who experienced that. Or you would be hearing about it from your friends too.
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well i guess most of those people are not on amhd anymore!
well i do know several cases in fact, where people broke up and got back together and are now either having babies or getting maried together.
ive been to 2 weddings this year where they broke up for a brief period..my previous colleage broke up with his girl for 3 months, no contact nothing and then she sent him a letter and they met and 2 years later they got back together and having baby now. My guitar teacher also broke up for 4 months and they are married since 3 years with 2 kids .One of my friends husbands decided he needed a life alone and they broke up for a year she got together with someone else and they broke up and then after a year the husband came back and they are happy now . So there are many many cases..

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My point was more about... without them posting here it's a bit difficult to either confirm it (no offense meant about what you are claiming) or ask and therefore learn what there was specifically about it that made it work for them, isn't it Rol?

Yes exactly.. maybe ill try and get one of them to post.

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Originally Posted by rol

yes exactly..maybe ill try and get one of them to post.

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That would be a great idea. The more the merrier here -- one of our strengths here is the variety of viewpoints offered on any given topic!

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Originally Posted by chuff

Actually I've experienced this twice in my life, although I didn't purposely do it as I was to naive to know what was going on. Once after a two year relationship my girlfriend dumped me and of course she wanted to be friends but I was so hurt that I didn't want to talk to her. So I didn't but I worked with her so I saw her daily. I did not work on myself as I did not realize I should have been doing that but after 3 or 4 months she called me on my birthday and offered to take me out. We dated for another 6 months before she cheated on me and I finally ended it for good. Looking back I should have played harder to get and I would give that advice to anybody else here.

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That all sounds horrible chuff, sorry to hear about that... Its no wonder you give such great advice..

Comes with wisdom and experience.

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Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane

That all sounds horrible chuff, sorry to hear about that....Its no wonder you give such great advice..

Comes with wisdom and experience.

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Yeah that first woman was my first "true" love. Funny thing was I never really wanted to go out with her which is probably why we wound up together. She chased me for probably 6 months and I just had no interest in her, which looking back makes me think about Wildcat's advice of "they like to work for it." She definitely did because the truth was I could've cared less at the beginning. But I finally came around so much that I gave her all my power by the end of the relationship. I get it now. I never figured it out back then. The last real time we were together she threw a phone at me at work which almost resulted in getting her arrested. But that's another story for another post.

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Originally Posted by chuff

Yeah that first woman was my first "true" love. Funny thing was I never really wanted to go out with her which is probably why we wound up together. She chased me for probably 6 months and I just had no interest in her, which looking back makes me think about Wildcat's advice of "they like to work for it." She definately did because the truth was I could've cared less at the beginning. But I finally came around so much that I gave her all my power by the end of the relationship. I get it now. I never figured it out back then. The last real time we were together she threw a phone at me at work which almost resulted in getting her arrested. But that's another story for another post.

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Yeah there definitely needs to be a good push pull deal, a sharing of power, with outside interests, a kind of cosmic balance to it. Some personal mettle in it too so that each of you can weather the occasional f--- you that slips out in those heated negotiations that undoubtedly have to occur in order to figure out how to share the sock drawer. An interdependency that is neither too close nor too far apart. And nobody gets any of it right... right off the bat. First loves are the worst of it, no doubt. I wonder sometimes in my stranger moments about stuff like at this very minute what percentage of all relationships are presently first loves, what is their average length of endurance and how many have or will result in a lifelong relationship worldwide in my lifetime-- food for thought, eh?

And I think sometimes people forget that women participate in dishing out physical abuse too. More than most might think even.

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Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

I wonder sometimes in my stranger moments about stuff like at this very minute what percentage of all relationships are presently first loves, what is their average length of endurance and how many have or will result in a lifelong relationship worldwide in my lifetime-- food for thought, eh?

And I think sometimes people forget that women participate in dishing out physical abuse too. More than most might think even.

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Yeah I've wondered about that first love thing before too. Like some couples were high school sweathearts that lasted a lifetime and I think to myself how did that happen? What are the odds? When you think about how people change from high school to just the age or 25 then to 40 or 50 then to 70 it's sort of mind boggling to find someone that you could spend the rest of you life with in high school.

Although not a relationship, I ran into my best friend from high school when I was probably 25 or 26 at a gas station. We had lunch, exchanged numbers and never called one another. We just had changed into two different people in that 7 or 8 year period. I just can't figure out how couples can continue to be together from teenage years onto senior citizens.

As for that phone thing... actually I'll post that in a new topic.

<<I wonder sometimes in my stranger moments about stuff like at this very minute what percentage of all relationships are presently first loves, what is their average length of endurance and how many have or will result in a lifelong relationship worldwide in my lifetime-- food for thought, eh?>>

I wonder about that also... my brother has been with his first love since age 18 and got married 3 years ago, he is now 32 and they seem very happy. Also my cousin has been with his first love since 17 and is now 34!

<<I just can't figure out how couples can continue to be together from teenage years onto senior citizens.
>>

Exactly.I wonder the same... as I changed so much also. Or is what we want when we are 18 really what we want for life? Maybe it's the 20s that change everything as most people want to be free and at that time seem to go for the wrong types.

I'm in exactly the same position as you to be honest... my boyfriend of nearly 5 years has ended our relationship about a month ago... im devastated. Things weren't brilliant, we had our up and downs in the past but lately I've put up with so much crap from him! He's been out all the time, not spending any proper time with me and not coming in until 7 am and not letting me know what he's doing... I tried so hard, because I knew he was going through a bad patch, things weren't good with his parents, and money, etc... but then he calle dit a day with me. He said he loves me - which I know he does, but he said he needs time on his own... I don't get it though because I love him so much! And if he loved me like he says he does, surely he would want to be with me?

I know what your going through, just show him how much you love him, that's what I'm doing... he knows deep down he's throwing something good away - and I bet your ex does to. We don't deserve it

I know so many people who have stayed together with their first loves. So strange!! The oldest couple I know are now in their 80's and they met just before the second world war at 17 ish. I tell you though there was a lot of sleeping around at that time to!! Human beings (the speicies) remain the same, its just the times which change.

You have to ask yourself "do I have a future with him?' Sounds like you are allowing him to control your life. Your happiness seems to be dependent on which way the wind is blowing this day. Cut this guy loose, start dating others, and this time don't take him back unless he shows up with a ring.

Well, I would ask him to dinner. Then if he says no, the you ask him why. Then you tell him how much you love and miss him, and need him. Then if he still says no, then you hang up the phone and wait a week before you contact him again. Then you text him with message that you have met someone else and will be moving on, even if you haven't. Then you will find out how he really feels about you, but if he says he just wanted a break, not for you to go out, then tell him fine, but when he decides to come back he can let you know, and if you're still available, you will consider it. These tactics usually only have short term results, but that's OK, cause you will probably have many boyfriends before you meet the right one.. You're only 21, so give yourself a chance to live first.