Ok, we talked all night and he even looked me in the eye and swore that it wasn't true. He said that he can't understand why I don't trust him and that perhaps I am misconstruing situations. So we talked about things all night and he has agreed to take a lie detector test! That in itself should prove that he is not lying simply because he is willing to do that, but he said if that is what it takes! I know its extreme, but I need to prove that either he is lying or I have mental illness that is clouding my vision!

This is what it has come to! But I love him, so I need to do this, otherwise I amy walk away and leave behind a guy that I really did love but couldn't trust due to me!

A doctor would be better at diagnosing mental illness or ant other disorder.

Yes, but I need to find out if he is telling me the truth first. Then I can accept that I have misconstrude things (as I saw them with my own eye's) and that perhaps I need help, but I have been fine, so this is finding out everything.

Then what? If he's lying what will you do? And if he's telling the truth and this IS all in your head, what do you think he will do?? At some point you must take responsibility for yourself and your own well being. You need a plan of action that doesn't include anyone but you. Since your mind is made up Good LUCK

That is a little extreme. You should know in your heart if he was lying.

I thought one time a gal was lying to me - hidding things - I was right.

A lie detector test? At some point you may want to consider whether anyone should have to do that too preserve a relationship. I've never heard of such a thing, but who knows.

I don't know. In my opinion, a relationship should have some fluidity, GO WITH THE FLOW. I used to tell my ex that all the time. GO WITH THE FLOW. Stop overanalyzing, overthinking. In the end, she did not GO WITH THE FLOW. She was always provoking, doing things that finally set me off.

Don't try and fit a square peg, into a round hole. All relationships have challenges, but they should not be epic in a negative manner.

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Originally Posted by Wildcat21

That is a littel extreme. You should know in your heart if he was lying.

I thought one time a gal was lying to me - hidding things - I was right.

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How did you find out? I am only doing this for the following reasons:-
-To ensure I am right in what I saw, so I can comfortably walk away and get on with my life or sort things out so we can get on with our life together!
-If I am misconstruing situations, then I need this to prove to me that I do perhaps need help after all these years I have thought that I am just fine! That my past is effecting my present and perhaps will my future.
-To prove that I can trust him, as he would love me to! Once again it's the past thing.

I know in my heart, but everything he says and does hurts me in the way "can I live without you"? And sends me thinking that I could be wrong! When he looks deep in my eye's and says "God I love you"! When he holds me all night and wakes me in the morning with a huge kiss and cuddle before he goes to work! When he rings me throughout the day just to say hello! When he comes in the door and says "hello, I'm here"! I think, God what if I am right and I get upset at the prospect of missing him so much!

I have thought about every single possible senario in my mind and what I'll do about each one!

He said the one thing he is scared of is me leaving him! This absolutely kills me!

A person who lies is great at saying whatever needs to be said to get what they want.

This thread has turned from you being concerned with his behaviour to you finding yourself guilty due to issues from your past and diverting the blame for his behaviour onto yourself. Not good. You are now making excuses for him at your own expense.

This is the pattern of many abusive relationships.

I think it very important that you learn to trust yourself and your own instincts. What are you going to do carry a lie detector around with you? Come on get real with yourself and see a professional if you must and get out of this unhealthy relationship and strt watching out for you. He sure hasn't has he.

Yes, somehow I have turned it around and am blaming and making up excuses! I just can't see the wood through the trees at the mo. I know I need to trust myself, but I am quite an indecisive person at the best of times and need reassurance! I just can't trust my instincts for some reason! I need to make sure that what I saw... I saw! God... I wish I could believe myself.

I need to start watching out for me, but I need to find the strength first... I need to take steps with all this. I know the situation I have landed myself. It's very weird... but I can only take one step at a time.

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Originally Posted by kp2171

a person who lies is great at saying whatever needs to be said to get what they want.

this thread has turned from you being concerned with his behaviour to you finding yourself guilty due to issues from your past and diverting the blame for his behaviour onto yourself. not good. you are now making excuses for him at your own expense.

this is the pattern of many abusive relationships.

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Yes, I hadn't realised until you pointed it out, I guess I just wish it wasn't!

YES! You must absolutely do this - sounds like this guy manipulates you.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

What are you gonna do carry a lie detector around with you? Come on get real with yourself

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Exactly--lie detector? Cannot imagine going to that length rather than trust what was in front of you.

You sound like you are in a similar position to me. I have recently separated from a good liar and cheater and am still in terrible pain. He also raised taking a lie detector test which surprised me because I had never heard of anyone actually doing that before. He even called up and booked the test. I told him not to be so ridiculous but he was determined to go ahead with it. Needless to say, he cancelled it the day before it was scheduled... he was very good at playing with my head and still is. I am taking steps to let go of the relationship but it is very hard as I still love him so much. I spoke to the agency with whom he had booked the test and the tester told me that it was very common for men who are expert manipulators and liars to do such a thing and then cancel the test. It would be interesting to know if your partner does the same. I hope you are okay. I know how painful it is.

Sometimes when we are in a relationship - we don't want to believe the bad - the huge red flags. We're more interested in being in a relationship than the reality of that PERSON! Sure they may have some good - but the bad can be really bad.

Yes - if comes down to a lie ditector - probably should think about just moving on!

Question... does he take any medication... has he talked about suicide... does he get angry a lot... and over little things..

kp2171 is right "on the money". In a similar situation I saw a very bright guy is a master at saying things that a woman wants to hear. I wanted to believe for so long (and still do) that he meant it. He was also a master at making it seem like my paranoia was unfounded. In the end I did some "nutty" things as a result and he then put a guilt trip on me for doing things to violate his trust. Although what I did was wrong it completely took the focus off him and his deceit.

I have taken a LONG time to trust my own instincts but I'm finally getting there. You need to trust your own instincts. Your instincts need to come before your needs sometimes- often, if you are needy (which you may be as a result of your background) and drawn to abuse, you will twist your instincts and the truth so you can paint the picture of him that you need to. I did that for the last year - and my breakup was only 2 months ago - believe me, I know. It's very hard but the time off may help you see more clearly.

I don't think you should have to make him take a lie detector. Trust your own judgement.
It is fairly plain to see he is lying from what you have told us here.
He manipulates you and you doubel guess yoursefl all the time. That isn't healthy.
Whether he cheats or not it doesn't appear to me that he treats you well.
Just my opinion. Plus you can't TRUST him. And in my mind you are right. Just wish you could see it as well!