Ask Me Help Desk - From Love to Hate, with NO reason !

But I DID show her how much I regret what I did! She should have forgived me by now! When there is a person you love, you can easily forgive his mistakes, as long as he regrets what he did!

My God, there are friends of mine out there that have been cheating on their girlfriends, but they keep on forgiving them! Isn't this what love is all about?

And I repeat: I didn't make SUCH a big mistake! There are women that forgive their husbands for MUCH more serious mistakes! I don't know what else to say, I feel really empty right now

I suggest you exercise a great deal of patients, my friend. Nothing can be accomplished in your time, because now your on her time, so chill, and find something positive to do, on your own.

I think that you need to take a really BIG breath and just stop.

Stop obsessing, stop controlling, stop emailing, stop ringing. Leave her alone until you can pull yourself together and demonstrate some maturity. And, accept genuine responsibility for what has happened.

You claim that your fiancée 'should' do a whole range of things, including forgiving you. Why 'should' she? Just because you want her to? Clearly she is telling you she's not prepared to, and perhaps with good reason.

Even in your expressions of 'regret' it sounds as if you're being controlling - you only want her to respond in the way that's convenient for your ego. Essentially it's only your assumption that you didn't make a 'big mistake'.

Instead of ranting about how much she means to you and how you're entitled to forgiveness, why don't you listen to what SHE has to say WHEN she's ready to say it.

This may require you to sit with the discomfort of waiting. You need to accept that you cannot control another person's thinking and actions and now you just have to wait to see what she will do.

Try to think about her for a change not yourself, and if you've blown your chance this time (and I suspect you may have), take it as a big lesson for next time.

There are always two people that have needs in a relationship, not one.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicolas1975

But I DID show her how much I regret what I did! She should have forgived me by now! When there is a person you love, you can easily forgive his mistakes, as long as he regrets what he did!

My God, there are friends of mine out there that have been cheating on their girlfriends, but they keep on forgiving them! Isn't this what love is all about?

And I repeat: I didn't make SUCH a big mistake! There are women that forgive their husbands for MUCH more serious mistakes! I dunno what else to say, I feel really empty right now

Im sorry, but to put it directly, this girl is going through a very difficult time right now, and instead of you being a loving comfort to her, you are acting like a spoiled, self-centered nut case. If others can see that, don't you think she does? Buddy, this is not the time to be carrying on like this with her. How you handle this now will determine where this relationship goes from here on out. Simply put yourself and all your self-centered emotions second, be a man about it, and put her first. Keep doing that and things will come back to you. Keep acting the way you are, and she will most surely expect that from you from here on out and decide to end it with you and find someone else. Think about that and what everyone else here has been trying to tell you. It's pretty obvious.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicolas1975

But I DID show her how much I regret what I did! She should have forgived me by now! When there is a person you love, you can easily forgive his mistakes, as long as he regrets what he did!

My God, there are friends of mine out there that have been cheating on their girlfriends, but they keep on forgiving them! Isn't this what love is all about?

And I repeat: I didn't make SUCH a big mistake! There are women that forgive their husbands for MUCH more serious mistakes! I dunno what else to say, I feel really empty right now

You are not her husband. She hasn't taken that step with you yet. So, you might want to drop the expectations of her acting like your wife.

Only she can determine how big your mistake was. And you have no idea what it is that you did. You assume that it is getting her to China, but you either don't know why she pulled away, or you aren't representing her position fairly here.

Pay attention to the feedback you are getting. What would it be like if you found that you had been missing something important? Is it possible that you are keeping yourself from realizing that your way of seeing your situation is somewhat blind? One-sided?

It might not have anything to do with your apology, how sincere or passionate it is. Instead, it might just be about what it takes for her recover her trust in your regard for her and your respect for her family.

I asked earlier about your origins. Is there a mix of cultures between you? Do you know what she is thinking?

No, there isn't any mixture of cultures, we are from the same country. But hey, can anyone imagine how difficult it is also for me that I'm thousands kilometres away from MY family, MY friends, etc.. Can anyone imagine how difficult it might for someone to have no communication with anybody that can speak his native language in China, being alone in a strange place, being alone in an empty apartment? If you just think about how difficult my situation is (which of course is only a fraction of how difficult HER situation is, I admit), don't I have the right to make some minor mistakes for which I then regret?

As long as all you can see are your own needs, you can never see hers. YOU think your mistakes are minor, but that may not be true, there is always the way she sees things, which you ignore.

Lets put it like this, if you can't handle what she needs to do, get use to being alone.

Hey guys!!

Thanks for your responses! No need for me to worry about it anymore, she just called and told me how she regrets for being so stubborn, how much she's in love with me, etc.

Thank you, all of you!! Byee!!

Bye...

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicolas1975

Hey guys !!!

Thanks for your responses!! No need for me to worry about it anymore, she just called and told me how she regrets for being so stubborn, how much she's in love with me, etc.

Thank you, all of you!!! Byee!!!

Well, that's interesting. Nic is not the only one who can learn from this experience.

I wonder what we all learned...

That people can get carried away about nothing.

He'll be back...