I think the fact he told Daisy how you felt about her when you told him to keep it to himself says it all. He's emotionally cheating on you with this woman which in some respects is worse than a physical cheating because there's something actually behind it other than sex. Its sick what he's doing to you. I have friends who are girls but I see them for a drink once a month maybe just to catch up. I'd end it for your own good. Your health is suffering which is just not on. Open your eyes and realise you deserve a hell of a lot more than this.

I can't imagine even trying that with any of my female friends. I'd be sleeping on their porch... naked, after she burned my clothes.

This person wants to be with Daisy - who talks about the past and complains about present problems - let him be with her. Gee, it'll be such fun won't it! Not. Leave him to her - they deserve each other.

He is playing a power game with you to see how much bad treatment you'll put up with. How much more will you put up with? Ask yourself if this is the sort of person you want to make a life with... Why?

I's ask you to give some thought to the belief that the people we attract into our lives reflect back to us our own issues. Why do you attract guys who cheat? You may have difficulty trusting people (for whatever reason) and this is being played out in your relationships.

In any case, you are allowing yourself to be treated badly. He's a ****head. You don't have to put up with it. Make a choice to leave and make a choice to have healthy relationships by doing some work on yourself. You'll be healthier and happier, I have no doubt.

From an outsider looking in, the whole situation seems a bit confusing. What I know for sure is, Jealousy is never a good thing and Ultimatums backfire.
My boyfriend has more female friends than male friends. Many of his ex-girlfriends still call, and I am annoyed when it seems like they want to go out with him. I usually leave it up to my boyfriend to either say NO, or to include me on these "dates." He explains that "dates" with these women would be like hanging out with his buddies in a sports bar, and I believe him.

I would like to know what your boyfriend's story is about Daisy. Could you be friends with this woman?

You really are going too easy on him. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. He thought he really cared about you and would do something to make you feel better. But there hasn't been any progress. What is it that you love about him?

It seems like all he does is neglect your existence. Wants to spend time with this other girl. Complain that you don't appreciate his friends. How do you put up with that?

I hate to say this, but having given my opinion earlier on in this thread - when all we knew was that he was spending waaay too much time with Daisy - I believe that you have a decision.

You have told him your issues. You have put up with the inconvenience. You have shown him how it hurts you and makes you uncomfortable. AND, you've tried to be her friend.

He refuses to change.

Therefore, you have the choice. The ball is in your court.

You need to decide if you can put up with this for the rest of your life. He won't change. Obviously - he has made it very clear that it's "your problem"...

Can you love this man forever, knowing that he doesn't respect you?

I'm so sorry that you're in this situation. No woman deserves to be treated like this. Some men can balance the love of their lives and other girl friends. That's OK. They put a proper balance to relationships. It CAN be done. But this guy is NOT succeeding in the whole "balanced relationships" area.

You're being given a look into your future... it's up to you if you want what you see.

Best of luck. We're all here for you! :)

Charlie just isn't one of those guys, apparently. I wish I would have found this out sooner.


You are finding out NOW, which is a lot better than later.

I would suggest distancing yourself and getting used to the idea of being without him.

I'm wondering if you were not in the picture, would Daisy be with your boyfriend so much. Sounds like she is enjoying this situation. If he was a "free man", I wonder if she would make a move. I'm guessing the allure would be gone.

You're definitely not happy in this situation. Who could blame you? You've done all you could.

I agree with the statement that the ball is in your court. You need to make a move, change your situation for the better, even if it means moving on without him. Make yourself happy, because he is making you miserable.

You are strong. You can do this.

Thank you everyone for all of your swift replies. The past two days have been dreadful, and I so appreciate coming on here to read your encouraging thoughts and suggestions.

I am going to be very brief with what has been happening, as I am exhausted from dealing with it all.

Two nights ago, when Daisy canceled on Charlie--something that has never happened. She told him that she was simply too tired, and then ceased to respond to him--which, again, is something that never takes place. Charlie was, to say the least, very upset. He went to bed early. And, as usual, once I joined him, I attempted to initiate physical contact--only to be rejected and denied for the thousandth time, and told that if I want to have sex every night, that I need to find another guy.

I left to sleep on the couch.

Yesterday went slightly better. We actually spent time together, as Daisy was not responding to Charlie's texts of, "I'm also free today, so you can come over."

With Daisy not responding, we decided to rent movies for the night. It was nearing eight o'clock now, and suddenly, while we were ambulating around the video store, Daisy sent him a text.

"Yeah, okay."

Her way of stating that she was coming over.

I held my tongue, and continued on searching for movies--when Charlie suddenly disappeared to the corner with the Wii games. Odd, considering we do not own a Wii.

He then beckoned for me to join him, and once I did, he informed me that he wanted to rent a Wii and a few games for the next two nights. Naturally, my mind went to the fact that he was doing it for Daisy. But I agreed, nevertheless.

We went back to our apartment and played games for two hours--as Daisy had not specified what time she'd be coming (which I found to be exceedingly rude, but Charlie simply defended her).

It was almost eleven, and we still had not heard from her.

I couldn't focus on any of the games we were playing, my mind was too wrapped up around this girl and this awful situation--and my stomach felt terrible with nerves.

Finally, I set my controller down and turned to Charlie, telling him that I had to leave. That I couldn't be here while she was, but that I only had three things to ask of him to accommodate the fact that I was the one doing all of the compromising. He consented.

The three things were as follows:
1. He was to kindly tell Daisy that bringing her boyfriend along with her would make the situation easier on me--as a three-person outing inevitably ends with someone--mostly myself--being left out. He promised he would ask her this.
2. He was not to engage in any sort of "food fight" with her, as I spend hours daily ensuring that our home is spotless. Typically, when she comes over, they will eat all of the junk that Charlie has purchased for her behalf, and also proceed in throwing it at each other, thus creating a giant mess for me to deal with. He promised he would keep the place clean.
3. I wanted her out by six in the morning. He promised he would do that.

And then, I left. I drove around, stopped by a friend's, and then parked by a nearby beach. I couldn't stop thinking about what they were doing. I couldn't stop thinking about how I had just left them alone in our apartment. None of this was normal. I was growing more and more livid by the second, that Charlie was putting her feelings and his own before mine. It was almost three. I had left them alone for four hours.

Angrily, I drove back.

This, as it turns out, was a mistake.

I went back to the apartment and ran up the three flights of stairs, and practically burst through the door of our home.

They looked over in surprise, but Daisy was the only one who actually acknowledged my presence--Charlie quickly looked back at the TV--they were playing Wii.

I quickly took the situation in, before heading to the kitchen. Charlie was sitting on the floor, in front of the couch, and Daisy was right next to him. They were sharing a very large bowl of popcorn and there were pieces scattered on the floor beside them in every direction.

Clearly, he had violated the second stipulation.

I was fuming. I then went back to the living room and asked him if I could speak to him for a moment in private. He sighed and got up to follow me to the bedroom.

I asked if he had discussed the issue of bringing her boyfriend from now on. He said he hadn't, and that he wasn't going to--as it would probably result in her not wanting to come over anymore. My rage increased tenfold.

"I asked THREE things of you. You've made a mess of our living room, despite promising that you would behave like a civilized adult for once in your existence, and that you would talk to her about how the pair of you together are making me absolutely miserable by not being willing to compromise."

I have no doubt that Daisy heard everything I said.

Charlie snapped. "You need to get over this right now. I'm not going to ask my friend to leave, because it would hurt her feelings. I'm DONE discussing this. If you ever yell at me over her again, I'll just hang out with her alone."

Fuming, I muttered an incoherent slew of curses, before storming to my dresser. He asked what I was doing, and I told him that I was going to sleep, as it was nearly four in the morning. I grabbed my pajamas and brushed past him and out the door. Daisy saw me, and I didn't say a word to her as I made my way to the bathroom to change and get ready for bed.

Charlie went back to Daisy to resume their game. I could hear his suddenly animated voice, now that he was talking with her again. I quickly finished what I was doing and went back into the bedroom.

Fifteen minutes later, I heard Daisy saying she was going to leave. Suddenly exhausted, was her excuse. But I know she left because of me. Charlie was aware of it, too. I heard him say, "You don't have to leave because of her."

Her. Her. Interesting. I'm so thrilled that I've been reduced to that.

After Daisy departed, Charlie launched into a lecture, telling me that his friendship with Daisy is normal--that he shouldn't have to change the way he is to make me feel better--and that I need to get over my feelings. I told him I was done talking about it and I went to sleep on the couch for the second night in a row.

Here's what I need most at this present time:

Girls, is this behavior acceptable? Would you tolerate it in your boyfriends? Or would you expect them to compromise, so you would not be in so much turmoil and pain?

Guys, would you ever do this to a person you claimed to love? A person you've said you wanted to marry and make your life partner? Would you compromise in a way that isn't strictly black and white--that if your partner had an issue with your friend, you wouldn't simply tell her to accept it, or allow you to spend time with that friend alone?

It's time for me to make a decision, and hopefully with your opinions on this latest development, I'll be able to see the choice I need to make more clearly.

I am deeply apologetic if this latest update is lacking in coherency, but I'm just in such a nervous and agitated state at the moment.

Replies and insights are welcome, as always. And I so do appreciate everything everyone's been saying thus far. Thank you so much.

Nope. I wouldn't tolerate it.

I'm surprised you stayed. I thought you was going to say that when you went to your dresser (to get your pajamas), you were going to say, "I'm leaving. Have fun with your "friend.""

You don't deserve this. Period.

Girlfriend, stand up for yourself. We're all here supporting you - leave the jerk.

It hurts, it's scary to think of what next, and it royally blows when you think of moving out, but it's SO worth it.

I totally agree with HistorianChick.

This situation is NOT normal.

The only way it would be normal is if, one, your boyfriend was understanding and considerate of your feelings and, two, the four of you got together, meaning Daisy's boyfriend by her side. OR your boyfriend and Daisy could talk on the phone or meet at a restaurant once in a while.

He clearly puts her first, even before his own needs--like sleep.
Not normal.

I would never put up with this. I wouldn't expect my boyfriend to put up with me doing this to him either. I wouldn't respect him, if he did.

That's one of the problems here. Your boyfriend doesn't respect you. You're letting him get away with it. He has made it quite clear he is DONE discussing it. He doesn't care how you feel. It's time to go.

Food fights in the living room and you clean it up? Are you kidding me? You sound more like their den mother. He sounds very immature.

Among other things, he doesn't even care that you aren't able to get a good night's sleep in your OWN home! Did he even ask or seem to care where you were in the middle of the night? What if you didn't return, would he have been concerned about you at all?

I, too, thought you were going on to say that you were getting your things to leave. I know it may be scary, but you would feel empowered, independent. You and he would have your own space and then go from there.

Then he can sit at home and play with his Wii all alone, while he waits for his friend to show up whenever she pleases.

Something just happened, and I think I'm going to leave him.

I was just talking to him about how it would make my life much easier if Daisy could bring her boyfriend with her from now on--a compromise, on my end--and he yelled at me.

He said that by asking her to do that, she'll remove herself from his life. She won't be his friend any longer. He can't live without her, and he said that if she were to do that, he would leave me.

He would leave me, if Daisy came to the conclusion, ON HER OWN, that she didn't want to interfere in her our relationship anymore.

I can't take this anymore. It isn't right.

I'm so sorry, hon.

We're here... we'll help you pick up the pieces and start a brand new, exciting, amazing, unpredictable new life...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by HistorianChick

I'm so sorry, hon.

We're here... we'll help you pick up the pieces and start a brand new, exciting, amazing, unpredictable new life....

---

So true, starting over, though rough, is very rewarding.

Your boyfriend shares a bond with Daisy that he should be sharing with you. As long as Daisy in is his head and, I'm sorry to say, heart, you will not be able to share the intimate, healthy relationship you desire with him.

I do have a theory: I think he's a coward. He may be wanting to end the relationship with you, but can't, and waiting for you to do it. Give him what he wants--all the time in the world to be available for Daisy.

We will be here for you. Be strong and take some action.

Don't take that crap. He should be apologizing for himself and her behaivor not apologizing to her for your behaivor. He has no idea how great he's got it... or maybe had it. He's a moron for letting such a patient and loving girl get away. You deserve so much better. HC was right on. I would have been packing a bag and taking a bunch of stuff and left, taking a snack of theirs and a soda on the way out.

While sprinkling some crumbs on the way out. "Oops so sorry. Aw well. I'll let you clean that."

I have such a difficult time picturing this guy's behavior. It's not even something you would see in a movie. He treats his friend, who already has a boyfriend, like a queen, but he treats his girlfriend like a slave who has to clean up after him.

You shouldn't be forced to suffer like this anymore. I'm sorry to say, but you are too good for this guy. You sound like a really nice person and you should definitely find a guy who can respect you.

You did your end, you tried a very reasonable compromise and he couldn't. In a way, he lied to you by pretending that he will adhere to the compromise but he never had the intention of doing so.

It's really time to break up with him and move on.

I applaud your trying, and am sorry they are wasted on this boob, you deserve better.

No I am not sorry for your loss, because you should be celebrating taking out the garbage and cleaning the trash from your life.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by rora83

Something just happened, and I think I'm going to leave him.

I was just talking to him about how it would make my life much easier if Daisy could bring her boyfriend with her from now on--a compromise, on my end--and he yelled at me.

He said that by asking her to do that, she'll remove herself from his life. She won't be his friend any longer. He can't live without her, and he said that if she were to do that, he would leave me.

He would leave me, if Daisy came to the conclusion, ON HER OWN, that she didn't want to interfere in her our relationship anymore.

I can't take this anymore. It isn't right.

---

This is probably the most simple reply I've ever made. Its so obvious this guy doesn't deserve a girl like you. You are clinging onto left over popcorn scattered on your floor? That's sadly how degrading this relationship has become. Get him out of your life like right now. No more discussion is needed just do it and get on with being happy and surrounding yourself with worthwhile people. ;)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by rora83

Something just happened, and I think I'm going to leave him.

I was just talking to him about how it would make my life much easier if Daisy could bring her boyfriend with her from now on--a compromise, on my end--and he yelled at me.

He said that by asking her to do that, she'll remove herself from his life. She won't be his friend any longer. He can't live without her, and he said that if she were to do that, he would leave me.

He would leave me, if Daisy came to the conclusion, ON HER OWN, that she didn't want to interfere in her our relationship anymore.

I can't take this anymore. It isn't right.

---

It certainly isn't right! No more compromise, you've already compromised yourself enough. This situation is wrong, wrong, wrong in all ways. Your life will never be easy with this person, because he has no consideration for you. Daisy is just a symptom. You must know that you deserve better. Be strong, take your things and leave - better still, ask him to leave... he can stay with Daisy and her boyfriend! Sweet revenge.

Sorry if I'm being blunt but you need to confront him. You can't sit by and let your "boyfriend" just tell you that what he's doing is fine. You need to take action and either leave him or fix it because it is totally up to you! I'm in a serious relationship to and when I'm going to go hang out with my friends that are "off the opposite sex", I always tell my girlfriend and I always make sure that she's OK with it and if she's not I just make up some retarded excuse to the person that I was supposed to hang out with! Plus if I am hanging out with some of my friends there is mostley somebody else with us and were never out till really late anyway. I know you can get through this and I'm totally sure that it will all work out and it will get better.

Just hang in there!