Ask Me Help Desk - I feel so bad and so good at the same time.

Thank you all so much for the support. I apologize for not getting back to you right away-I have limited access to the internet.

I have never been married to him (thank goodness) and there is no custody order in place. I just have the kids and that's it. He does not want to have them (he admits this-because he does not have the patience to be a full time parent like me). He just wants to be able to visit them whenever it's convenient for him. I get no child support-I mean I do it ALL. I've called the cops on him before, a few times actually. I've filed a restraining order-they don't really do much protection for me. Like I said he will be good for a while, and then he starts to come around again after everything cools down.

I almost feel sorry for him at times-that is until he starts calling me and telling me he wants me and all this stuff and it just reminds me of what a pig he is. Today he just sent me a nasty text out of the blue-something about congrats on my new love and then he put a not so nice word in there about him (my new man). He's jealous no doubt about that.
He constantly questions me about my personal life and I just simply say that I don't want to talk about it-but that doesn't stop him. When I do answer the phone he says he is calling about the kids, but he ends up just asking me about my personal life and starts calling me and the new person in my life names. He always makes me feel so bad.

Just tell him your personal life is not his business... because it's not. You do not have to communicate with this man. I would let his calls go to voicemail. He can leave messages.

I would also file for child support, he has an obligation to his children. I would file a new restraining order every time he starts coming around again.

You aren't going to change him, but you have to protect you and your new relationship. Take all of this away from him, especially communication. If he is getting under your skin and he will know he is, then he feels he still has control on you and that my dear is his only desire.

Quote:

Originally Posted by artlady

If I didn't feel sorry for the GF already,I would say tell her what he is doing but I think this girl has enough on her plate right now.
I see red flags here,like his behavior is about to escalate.The further you get from him,the more he is going to try to reign you back in.
I agree with Justwantfair ,start documenting his texts ,etc.It is harassment at this stage,but it is still worthy of an order.

I did at one point tell her what he was doing. That's how I found out she was pregnant. I had no idea-but it was none of my business. However, it just backfired on me and then he manipulated her to think that I was just jealous of their relationship and was trying to break them up. At that point-I completely cut him-or so I thought... he just-he never stops

I would suggest you do get a formalized custody order. This way your kids are protected in that you will have physical and legal custody. Without it, your ex could go to their school and pick them up and keep them from you, just to further control you.

You shouldn't have any trouble being granted full physical and legal custody because, as you said, you do it ALL.

You can establish a schedule for phone calls in the court order, too, either to you about the kids or to the kids themselves. If he doesn't call at the set time, don't answer the phone.

You should be able to get legal aide to help you with this, or go to your courthouse and you can do it yourself. There are people there to help you do this.

Your contact with him will be minimized this way. He will be told what's happening by a judge and in the form of a court order he receives in the mail. It does make an impact. It's not just something coming from you.

I understand your feelings on the restraining order and the child support. I was always afraid these things would anger the ex, but it is your right. Besides, having a restraining order does get the police to your house a lot quicker than not having one if he is there bothering you.

You mentioned about how you found out the girlfriend was pregnant but that "it was none of your business". This should be the attitude you have about yourself when he asks you about your life. Your life is truly none of his business. You have been functioning just fine without any help from him. He is just holding you down... still. It's not fair.

If you take some legal action and try to eliminate the conversations, this may send a clearer message to him. Just be careful. I know what it's like to watch over your shoulder.

Getting the custody order and having police involvement did help me, though. If you decide to do that, I hope it helps you, too.

Artlady, thank you for the greenie and thank you for all of your wisdom on all the other threads. I love reading your advice!

You have a anger inside you, yet you don’t know how to make it out,

Well, you need to put it out by shouting at him badly or coat him in front of his resent women or do something to him and make him suffer as much as you want him to be.
There is another solution
If you want to forget someone... just search internet and find a good spell for it.. It will definitely work!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreamgrl

You have a anger inside you, yet you don’t know how to make it out,

well, you need to put it out by shouting at him badly or coat him in front of his resent women or do something to him and make him suffer as much as you want him to be.
There is another solution
if you want to forget someone... just search internet and find a good spell for it ..It will definitely work !!!

I do not understand this "spell" stuff, but obviously that won't work.

I disagree with the whole revenge idea and shouting at him in front of the girl friend. Very bad idea.

Yes, there is anger. I do agree with that. It will fade though. It takes time. Another outlet for the anger is fine... writing in a journal, exercise, whatever, but screaming and arguing with him will only make things worse. That's what she got herself away from. Why would she want to return to that?