I'm really sorry about this situation. You probably don't need antidepressants and you definitely DON'T or shouldn't be dating to "get your mind" off this. Please, please, please don't date anyone while you're in this vulnerable awful, upset, angry, sad emotional state. It's not fair to the other "daters" who are really looking to settle down right now. Keep your head on your job, exercise and just continue to talk (vent) to your family and friends. This is painful and rough, and frustrating - I'm sure you want to punch a hole in the wall. You deserve the time to grieve this... I can only promise you that in 2 years, it will be easier, in 5 years you won't think about it CONSTANTLY and in 7 years, you'll probably be so focused on other people in your life that this won't seem nearly as bad as it feels right now. You need time to heal. Hang in there and don't beat yourself up. Take the money from here for the rent, and then get out and get your own place - free of all of her stuff. I wish you the best.

Wow its funny that you just wrote that. Because I just deleted the profile that I had online for dating. I talked to one person on the phone and I felt totally screwed up in the head. I am going to try and take anti-depressants because the way I am acting is completely opposite of my normal self and my friends and family don't like it. I cannot get her out of my mind and I have to work with her as well so I am going to try them for at least a month to see if they help me focus more on me and nothing else. But yea talking to the girl on the phone was really a punch in the face as to what am I doing?!

Hi FoozGrind.
I'm glad you closed down your online dating profile. I think it's just TOO much for you to think about right now. You don't need the added stress, right? Re: the anti-depressant / anti-anxiety drugs - Just so you and your family know, it may take a few weeks for you to notice a difference in your emotional state. Also, the drugs might give you really WEIRD very realistic-feeling, crazy nightmare-odd dreams. Take your time, and try to cope with the "side-effects" of the drugs. Maybe in a few weeks they will help. I know you can't get her out of your mind. Right now you are obsessed with thoughts of her. That is normal. Just promise me that you won't hurt or harm yourself, or harm her or anyone you know. If you can (gently) punch your pillow or trying jogging around the block a few times, that may help to clear your head and release some of the crazy thoughts and adrenaline rushing through your system. You need a physical release like running or swimming or some type of sport. This is such an awful time for you. I can't change it or make it better - you simply must try to get through day by day. Slowly and carefully - jump up and down to clear your head if you must. Cry and yell if you must... but it's just one step at a time. One foot in front of the other. Take up a boxing course at a gym if that will help lessen the mind-racing storm in your head. Do ANYTHING safe and sport-related to releave the mental pressure. You deserve to mourn this loss. You deserve to feel angry and sad and scared and frustrated. But you also need to try and stay in control of your actions. Breathe in and breathe out. Relax and try to focus on staying calm and in control. No one can fix this, but time will slowly heal some of the sharp pain you are experiencing right at this moment. You can do this. You will be OK. It sucks and this isn't fair, but it is what it is and many of us readers here online support you. I reach out my hand to you and wish you to be safe and wish you better days in the future. You need to stay in control in order to keep your employment. You need your employment in order to have a place to live. One small step forward each day. I trust you can do it. You've made it this far - hold on and carry yourself forward.

In 5 to 10 years, you will look back on this as a life-lesson, learning experience. It doesn't make it easy or OK now, but it will make you more resilient in the future. Believe in yourself.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Bonnie46

Do ANYTHING safe and sport-related to releave the mental pressure.

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Apparently I can't spell... I meant to type: "relieve" relieve the mental pressure

I do mountain biking a lot which tires me out so that helps with sitting home alone. And my parents are keeping me busy by having me help around the house. I am going to join the gym to keep busy. I don't have a problem of keeping myself busy and sorry but I don't believe there is any women in the world with hurting myself over... I just don't like the obessive feeling in my head... I am usually the "i dont give a &&&" kind of guy so I can't stand constently thinking about her and what she is doing so the pills are only to help me concentrate more on what I need to do. Thanks for the support! I am 26 now I want to be married before I am 30 so hopefully it won't take me that long to find someone new in my life. All I can say is I loved this girl but what it comes down to is she is nuts. Wasted over 7 grand because she didn't know what she wanted... sorry but as much as I care for her she needs to get help more than me.

Now that I read my last message I should re-phrase a little. She is not nuts but when I think about it she did what she thought was in her best interest and that's what I need to respect. 2 people have to be happy for it to work out I was happy and I assume she wasn't so someone was going to get hurt in the end. I still love her and will always remember her for the rest of my life. She was the best thing ever to happen to me.

Hey Fooz, I am sorry for what you are going through. I am going through the same thing, fiancé left me, but this was because I got nervous about the wedding and had some doubts, when I realized I didn't have those doubts anymore, it was too late.

Question for you, if she came back to you and said she knew for sure she wanted to get married, how would you handle it?

Hmmm I think I'm on the verge of leaving my fiancé right now... today... this is not a good thing... :(

Honestly I don't know how I would handle it... she left march 28th... its almost a month but we had postponed our wedding since January. Part of me would take her back in a flash the other part of me would want to talk to her and find out why she really left in the first place and what has changed. Sorry I can't really answer it :( I am taking anti-depressant to help me cope with her so maybe it will help clear my mind to make a choice. But I don't think she is coming back. Although she still wears my bracelet I gave her for her birthday so that means something to me. Good luck! Trust me I wish this pain would go away already it just won't. I must say it love hurts.

It's not a good idea to take her back. How do you know she won't leave you again? The trust is barely existent now.

You should definitely find someone else who will actually make you happy and that you can actually trust.

So since the last time I posted here is an update. She has been very upset and has been missing me. I have found out a few things that made us have our problems. She was upset with the fact that she thought she could never go anywhere alone (like out of state trips) because I would always want to go with her (I like to travel) and she never bothered asking again because she figured it wasn't worth the guilt feeling. Which by the way it was only one time. Plus she felt like she didn't have her own space like we work together and live together and it was just too much to handle and she wanted to be able to go out with her friends when she wanted to without answering to nobody. Well we talked things over and are now dating each other exclusivly so there is nobody else involved and we are going to take it slow. The other problem she has is a commitment problem. We were just about to walk down the wedding isle only a month away and she choked and canceled it. She told me her mom said her dad was like that something to do with fear of success. So she has an appointment to get her medication looked at and what not at the end of the month. For right now we are going to take it slow and she will stay at her moms and we are just going to date exclusively for now and see what happens down the rode. Is it possible for a couple to be engaged and than break it and date and then eventually get married?

Anything is possible, but thinking to far ahead raises expectations, and leads to assuming, and presuming, and that can distract you from the reality in front of you and dealing with the facts.

She ain't ready so slow down, and resolve your real issues.

Ok so we can date each other again and just take it slow and see where it leads us? My main concern was it normal to go from being engaged to dating?

Who is who to say what's normal these days? If it feels right to you, go with it. Take it slow and build up a solid foundation, one that can escape the collapse of your last one.

Thanks, we both love each other very much and its just a big mess with the issues she has with me and my issues with her one not being able to commit I think we can work it out and make us stronger. Thanks again!