Going on 3 and a half months now and I feel like death. I find myself looking at her myspace page daily and I know that is not good and toxic.

My problem is I did the no contact rule when we broke up and after her fling with this guy was done she messaged me on being friends. I made it pretty clear I didn't think it was a good idea but I needed to get my mail from the house and deep inside I wanted to see if she missed me. When I went over there everything was good she came onto me strongly that night.

We were engaged to be married too and she asked me to try on her wedding dress, I didn't like the idea but she did anyway and I almost cried and wanted to leave. She took it off and had sex with me that night, saying she missed me.

We would have sex a couple nights and then she would say were not meant to be and made me leave in the morning. She texted me once about coming over for dinner and I declined as mentioned earlier

I can't stand her telling me to move on all the time like I am some piece of $hit... It is so hard to let her go...

Stop acting like a piece of shat, and you won't feel like one. Are you ready for No Contact yet?

Stop going back to her when she demands you to. You can either move forward or backwards. Personally, I never go backwards.

Btw, her trying on the dress was creepy and she did it to get under your skin.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by henderson78

I did so much for her and put her up on a pedestal, fixing up our house, buying a 4k ring, diamond earrings and necklace, going out all the time and on many trips....

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That's the thing you did too much for her.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by henderson78

It was all worth it to me because i know she is the "one".

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It was worth it because in the end she left you? I didn't know the "one" for you is someone that would leave you.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by henderson78

I was sooooo excited and felt so relieved that i flew over there that night. We had sex for a couple nights but she made me leave early in the morning cause her son would be up. She has a 4 year old boy who i adore very much....

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She calls, you go right away after what she's done. That seems a little too desperate to me.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by henderson78

I tell her how much she means to me and it has no effect.

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Of course, they never do care. The making them feel bad for you won't work. You can't change her mind. Its made up already. Only she can change her own mind.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by henderson78

She seems very timid and confused, she still says she loves me, has feelings for me and misses me and has enjoyed the nights together but she doesnt want to be with me.... WHY?!?!?

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She loves you but she's not in love with you. There's a difference. She enjoys being intimate with you but she doesn't enjoy being with you.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by henderson78

What am i doing wrong here? I KNOW she still has feelings for me.... she keeps telling me for us to go our separate ways and it hurts but then she will want to see me. What am I doing wrong here? Is this a lost cause? I can not keep living life like this waking up with regret and depression...

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That's what I would like to ask you!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE? You made her everything and now you don't know what to do. You can't live in regret and depression and being with her is going to cause that. So stop being around her anymore and don't contact her.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by henderson78

How can i show her that i am the man she fell in love with?.... ? i have tried everything from telling her the time off has made me realize what i did wrong, to damn near begging.... I do all the things i can when i am with her to let her know she is so special to me.

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By being that confident man and let her go. Don't show her you are weak and desperate. She knows how special she means to you but she doesn't care because you don't mean the same to her.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by henderson78

Is this the end for us.... and i just do not want to admit it? She is 23 and i am 30 and she had a kid at 18.... is she just immature? feeling like she missed out in a part of her life because of early pregnancy?

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It is right now. You might get back with her in the future but don't count on it. Always prepare for if you don't. Stop contacting her and move on with your life and let her go.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by henderson78

I do believe her fully when she said she truly loved me and still does love me so why is it like this!!!!!

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If you love someone you would want to be with them!! She loves you but not in love with you. She can love someone as a friend too. So don't interpret her meaning of love.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Stop acting like a peice of shat, and you wont feel like one. Are you ready for No Contact yet??

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Yes... whatever it takes to make the pain leave.

She stated her main reason why she left me was the little contact I had with my son back home, and I showed her or scared her actually in the last fight we had which was over my son as well.

My ex left me when she promised she would move down here with me after I graduated the academy. She(my sons mother) left me half way through the academy down here which took me being able to have my son down here... I'll never forgive her for it.

I tried winning custody since she is a no working scum sucker, but lost the case since she is the mother and now I only get little visits. The problem was they had to be supervised by her parents which made me feel really awkward.

I know I should have made more time to fly up there and see him when me and my ex girlfriend was together down here, I'd call and try to establish contact that way but that was not good enough in her eyes. She never was understanding of my work schedule down here as a cop working 12's and having time to fly up to see my son esp at his early age of 3 now 4.

Mind you my ex girlfriend has a son which I trated like my own and she was gratefull for that but that didn't matter to her.

So those were her decisions on why she left me... I don't think those SHOULD be reasons to call off a marriage and I do think she should have been more understanding too. That last fight we were in I had a lot of bottled up frustration in me that I let go because of her pestering me and not being understanding on my situation. We didn't fight much at all and had the most amazing time together so that is why it is so puzzling to me.

Hey henderson78, it's a daily thing for us all I think and speaking only for myself I know just how hard it is to move in any direction when you are feeling so down and lost without the comfort of our loved ones,
Its good to have new happy memories with many different types of people and making other people happy does in fact help us to feel good about ourselves, and it is OK to let yourself feel good as well... DazzaGal

Hey Henderson,
My name is PaulitaAna. Y'know? I can feel your pain. I suffer from manic depression (bipolar disorder). And I have had it since 1996 at 22. I have also experienced several bad relationships! My advice to you is to just let your ex go and move on with your life. I am sure that there are plenty of women who are willing to talk to a nice looking young man like you! After looking at your picture, I said to myself, "He's nice looking!" My other advice to you is to continue to keep that smile, don't look back, and wait for the right girl to come along! Take it slow! Peace!
PaulitaAna

Paulita,

Thank you for the kind words. I keep myself in good shape for my career and meeting women interested in me is definitely NOT the problem at all. But for instance today...

I went out on a date with a friend I met and she took me to a really cool concert with Hinder, Saving Abel, 3 Doors down and Candle box. I had a good time there but the whole time I was wishing my ex was with me. It almost made me NOT want to be there as I eventually got depressed even when the bands were playing and everyone was drinking and having a good time. The whole time there I put a "fake" smile on my face a sipped a cold beer in the blazing heat outside(was an outside concert)

The night before I went out to a country bar with a good friend and did not want to do anything but play pool and watch people line dance to music. Again the fake smile came on and I was not interested in ANYONE... it's like I turned into a machine just not interested in anything.

I take peoples advice on here, I took my friends advice including my own mothers but it still does not help or cure my pain. I don't know if I have a disorder like bipolar as I never had these symptoms before but its now 4 months since she called it off.

I know going over there a few times and having sex with her did not help when she wanted to see me is what I really know, that probably killed any chance of us ever being back together as I see how cold she is now.

Someone who tries on a wedding dress after they broke up with you that they had planned for you to see on your wedding day is about the coldest thing someone has ever done to me. I felt like I was going to puke when I saw how beautiful she looked in it... it was very dramatic for me to the point where I just wanted to run out the door and never stop running.

I am a good person, I never cheat, I don't yell and I definitely don't like to fight in a relationship. All I do is put the person I am with 1st in my life and make sure they feel how much I love them because they make me feel that good. It is almost like my best assest my heart but also my biggest and ultimate downfall as I have been taken advantage of and burned by it.

I can't change who I am you know? Everyone tells me I give too much and that I should take care of myself as much as the person I am with and not give %100 in a relationship... but why? I view love as just that... something very rare in today's world and I want to find someone to spend it with and only them. So I give everything I can... I really thought she was the one I was meant to be with, I would have not have done so much for us if other wise.

I am now the one who had to move from the house we had, find a place to stay which I eventually did with another deputy from work and try to move on. She has the house(we rented from her uncle) that I fixed up beautifully for us, I traded in my new truck for a honda civic so she could go to work in style and save on gas(I drove her piece of old car). I am now stuck with this payment and this civic that not only brings back memories of her but also is something I traded in my truck for. She has most the utilities and stuff our families bought for us during all the holidays and the engagement, she has basically everything.

I was told to get out, it'll never work... and the only explanation I got was "were not meant to be"

No man good or bad deserves that in life, and I really do feel sorry for my fellow men who is/have/did go through this as its damn near evil. I would have rather someone punch me in the face repeatedly, get shot on the job, get a severe illness then to have this done to me.

I don't think people really realize how bad this hurts people aside of the people on this forum.

So all I can do now is just do nothing and let time try to help me, I'll update my status on here from time to time but how long this lingers I really don't know and I don't know if I will ever be the same man I was.

I'm 30yrs old now, she took the last bit of my 20's away. I won't lie to the people on here and say it doesn't scare me that I am 30 and in this position, I work hard, take care of my boy and have a big heart, I do all the right things I am suppose to do, I just hope god rewards me with someone great someday because I can honestly say I deserve it. And some day maybe not now but some day I hope my ex realizes what she just threw away and regrets it.

Hey, you have no need to justify yourself to us. The thing is, you don't have to justify yourself to your ex either.

Look, breaking up with someone you loved is difficult. You're experiencing in this very moment how difficult it is because you feel sad, angry and depressed. Unfortunately there is no shortcut. It will take time. You have to live through the grief and pain in order to survive it and move on with your life.

I can assure you, you will feel good about yourself again. You will move on and live and love again. It's just that you invested a lot into this relationship, and now you feel as if it's for nothing. YOu feel as if you've been betrayed and belittled. Well it's not for nothing. It's all experience and we learn from our experiences and emerge stronger and wiser.

Remember, no one can take your life or your years away. It's your choice how you see this, but I am sure that you will come to see it as part of the rich tapestry of life.

I wish you every good thing.

After reading your comments I really believe you deserve a better relationship and to let this lady go. She does almost sound somewhat bi-polar. I don't use those terms loosely, but she sounds like she has a jeckyl/hyde personality. I dated a woman like that, and it's extremely difficult to understand mentally and emotionally because they are sending you powerful mixed messages. It's almost like when you are around them you go into some kind of dream state. It's kind of strange, because it's almost like you are dealing with two people.

I did tons of mental gymanstics trying to understand my ex, whom I believe may be bi-polar, but eventually you have to make a firm decision. Harry Truman said "Some questions can't be answered, but they can be decided."

In faith, you have to make a quality decision to let them go and then 'manage that decision' and be prepared to say 'no' if she tries to pull you back into her world - however briefly.

She doesn't seem mentally stable, I'd highly recommend that you move on from this relationship and focus on getting healthy and healed. I know, emotionally it can feel like 'death' initially, but that will head to a 'resurrection' at some point.

You seem like a caring person with good people skills and EQ. She's probably drawn to that. The sick drawn to the healthy. It can be a strange attraction and strange dynamic, because you seem to be the healthier person of the two.

Don't enable her. Make a firm decision to leave her and have No Contact and tell her that is the deal when she tries to lure you back into her world. You deserve better and my prayers are with you. You WILL come out on the other side to a better situation.

As the saying goes: "Behind the clouds the sun still shines."

God bless you...

Well I ran into her mom who adores me. It was actually nice seeing her again... she is such a sweet person and I know she really cares for me. Her entire family loves me so it was hard to see just her mom again. It lead into conversation with me and my ex and well... I explained to her the situation cause she has asked her daughter if she has heard from me. Come to find out all she has told her mom is I have come over "un anounced" and that's it...

I told her what her daughter has done and I am not sure if that was a good idea. I did tell her I would stop in to see her and her son but even asked her if she wanted me to leave and she said no so I stayed... mind you this was when we had those nights.

She failed to mention that she has messaged me on my phone and on myspace and my email so it made me look like I was a weirdo and stalking her... I can't tell you how pissed off I was she left her side out!

Anyway I don't think it went well with my ex as the next day she texted me a nasty message telling me how could I tell her mom that(the truth) and to leave her, her family and friends alone.

Yup so that's that. I made a mistake holding converstation with her mother who loves me and now I am a bad person... my god. At least she knows the truth out of all this, and I have learned the worst, terrible lesson late in life.

My ex has turned into the coldest person I ever met, beautiful on the outside but hideous on the inside, she even had the nerve to message "i dont even know you anymore"

Oh well... karma is a and I fully believe it exists and one day she will get hit by it for what she has done.

She hasn't changed, your just seeing more into her.

So as I went up to the local Walmart late last night I ran into a surprise person who I greatly admire and have respect for. As I was returning two movies from the redbox machine I heard my name and turned around. Her uncle was there standing with a big smile and greeted me kindly. I spoke with him for a while. He asked me if I was doing all right and I said the best I can expect right now. He also told me he did not take the news well... in fact he seemed almost disappointed in my ex. I was kind of surprised by what he said next... "she has a lot of growing up to do"

He further went on asking me if she had a drinking problem... he keeps finding a lot of beer and wine/alcohol in the fridge. I told him after a good pause to collect my thoughts that she was always having at least some wine a night and she was not a good drinker when she did drink(which was sometimes often) I told him her real father was an bad alcoholic and passed from it long time ago. I told him I think she might have a problem with it since every time we would go out she would get very bad handling her drinking.

He seemed very disapointed and asked me for my number. He said he's free and would like to get together some time, Now I don't want to complicate things with my ex but her family does respect and adore me so I gave him my number and asked him to go fishing with me sometime. I like him a lot and wouldn't mind it at all...

Does anyone think this would be a "bad" idea?

Its been now 5 months and she wants absolutely nothing to do with me, not friends not nothing and really it sadens me she feels this way like I am the plague now but I have not made contact and she seems to have found someone from what I have been told. I am at the point of acceptance now, I still find myself looking at pictures online though but it seems like a distant memory now. I don't think I could ever forgive her for what she has done to me, and if I ever did meet her again feelings of anger would fill inside and I would quickly try to leave.

I don't nothing wrong with hanging out with the Uncle just don't let the conversation be all about her. Especially if the two of you are going fishing.

I think your on the right path and getting over someone is hard but your getting there.

Just stay strong!

Hey bro! This hit home so bad, I had to register and answer, maybe by me answering you, from my standpoint, it will make me realize a few things in my own faltering relationship, mine is different so I won't get into it too much, but I'll tell you this, the first go around I had sounds a lot like yours, and the only thing I can tell you with some assurance, that will make you feel better, is, I hurt, and hurt, and hurt, time took the hurt away, and nothing else will, maybe your different then me, but from the sounds of it, your not, some people tend to sit and stew over it, and pretty soon you've pictured the problem and then magnified it by a million, I think at a way harmful pace, are you an uncontrolled thinker? People that don't think that much, or that think at a normal pace, generally get over a lot easier, but going out and being around it, that just didn't work for me, I wanted my ex, and nobody else would do! And it didn't matter that I would meet other girls, cause no matter how hot she was, how bad of knockout body she would throw on me, it wasn't who or what I wanted, I couldn't have fun at bars, because I missed her, anywhere Id go, id think "it would be so much better if she was here with me to do this" almost to the point where I was unable to even wake up on time to go to work, I was headed to a place that I refused to ever even acknowledge, and judged people harshly that had done it, you can imagine what I'm getting at, I had to do something, and that's exactly what I did, and it was the wrong thing, I begged like a , I sat around the corner from her house, I asked people who knew her, it's then I discovered, the pain was stemming from curiosity, more then anything, I couldn't picture her with someone other then me, after I did this a few days, I started to think again, I didn't see anything important, it was just some way my mind dealt with the pain, I still hurt, even now being on the outs of a ten year relationship, I think back to the one before and it hurts, but not the same way, and eventually, after enough time, you WILL! Begin to feel better, and have a little more clarity in your thought s and emotions, but it's a slow agonizing process, you just have to bare down and keep your mind busy, and I promise you, there will come a day, when you feel a little silly that you felt so doomed over this, but I'll tell you one thing, I did learn from it, and it makes me think twice the next time Im in a hurry to jump into a relationship, that I haven't thought over first!

Appreciate reading that,

To tell you the truth its been almost 6 months now. I don't maintain contact with her and it hurts but its much better then if I did maintain contact. Through out this whole process I learned that it really wasn't anything I did to make us this way. If anyone in our relationship changed it was her. I think she is a very young immature women that needs to learn the lessons in life and find her own way. She was raised with a silver spoon in her mouth, had a child at a very young age and she always gets what she wants from her parents and any guy she meets.

My only satisfaction I could get is to have her eventually find out the mistake she did and try to come back to me but even then I would not allow that. Every time I look at myself in the mirror I see a man who respects everyone he comes across and does the right things in life. I deserve someone who will love me and all of me and not use me and throw me to the street. I did more for her then anyone possibly ever could and it still was not enough. From getting her a house, to trading in my truck for a civic for her to take to school. To watching he kid as she was at school and going out with her friends... it's not fair and I won't accept me telling myself I did anything wrong anymore. That is what I am thankful for to finally realise. If doing all that staying fully committed and taking her out on vacations and trips and dinners was not enough then be damned I gave it my best.

I still don't see myself with anyone and I want it to be like this for a while. I get approached a lot when I go out and it seems the women I do meet do not understand why I want to only maintain a friend relationship but its to protect myself and not hurt anyone else. I like seeing couples in love... I miss the feeling a lot but I'm at the point in my life where my dream is probably just that and I can accept it now. I'm 30yrs old with a career in law enforcement and I take very good care of my health. I have a loving 4yr old son who even though lives states away from me is still my true love.

It gets lonely... sure all the time. I find myself trying to just do things to stay active but I refuse to let myself get hurt again. Who knows if I will ever find that person, but I'm done looking and made that decision months ago. If it happens it happens, at least I have my son in my life.

Ill keep updating on here but I do appreciate the words of encouragement fellas.

You are a rare breed! I come from a long line of law enforcement, and high ranking Air Force members, I traveled a different path, the complete opposite, probably because of growing up in this lifestyle, my brother and uncle are both law enforcement officers, and growing up around cops, and p.o's, I know the ones Ive known have never been in working relationships, their wife's or girlfriends are often not understanding of what they see, and come into contact with on a daily basis, it takes a very special person to understand what a cop or any law enforcement officer has to encounter daily, so all I can say is this, it looks like you blew your money, love, and time before really evalutating and getting to know this chick, don't totally close yourself off, I met my current girlfriend in a halfway house, she came into see one of my buddys, and 10 years later, Im the one who has messed up our relationship, but I had stopped looking when I met her, that is my point, weird isn't it? Good luck bro!

Time for an update!

I have good news fellas :) I actually referred a friend to read this post to give her a point of view how I handled my break up. Now as you can see time does change things and the best thing from it all is the LEARNING EXPERIENCE.

I received a phonecall from here a little while back after I deleted all and any emails and or myspace/facebook messages and low and behold the sobering and crying on the voice message did not have an effect with me. Kharma is and can be a and I can't tell you how sweet it was to hear that. I learned soooo much from this experience that I just had to refer this to a friend and finish this off with some good news.

I greatly appreciate everyone's responses to this through out the year here. :)

Hello to tell the truth I'm only 16 and I know you might not want to listen to me but there's this girl I have liked for like years and I love her so so much and she's my world and same parts you have said really reminds me of what's happened to us now she's gone off and she likes the other boy but she says she wants to get bk in a coupple of years but anywayless about me and more abou I would say that I could do a lot better but if she's the one like I think my one is but yeah I just read urlast messege and I'm eally happy for you I know I don't know you lol but yeah and yeah but erm well don but what ever you do don't let tehm memories slip of all the good times you had because I know I neva will and well done from liam...