Ask Me Help Desk - Girlfriend had lots of sexual experiences in the past

Jake2008,
JBeaucaire
talaniman
artlady
slapshot_oi
liz28
18Ahunnie
spitvenom

Thanks so much to every single one of you for all the wise words of advice,
After reading all what you guys said, I must say, I was quite shaken, and my heart felt heavier than I could last remember, because there was so much truth in what I was reading.

I know I have a lot of work to do on myself, but now that I know, I feel better and also motivated to become a better person, a better man, and focus all my positive energy that I have and love for this girl that I've always had, but was just being blocked by my close mindedness

JBeaucaire, thank you for this: "Real love is a giving, accepting, lifting up, "oh my gosh I can't believe how much light you bring into my heart" thing. None of this discussion so far falls into that category."

After reading that, i knew what i was wanting was exactly that, but my judgment and lingering of her past made this feeling of "real love" impossible to reach, thank you again.

talaniman: "then leave her alone, and find a virgin, so at least you can puff out your chest, and teach her to be a woman."
"Need some help with that? Go get it!!!"

Yes I do need help and I have a problem with this ego of mine, of wanting to ideally be with a virgin girl, fall in love with her, and get married have kids and live happily everafter with her, where would I go to get help so I can not want this anymore?

artlady:"Your holier than thou attitude is so immature and selfish,this girl would be better off without you."

Thank you artLady, these words are harsh, direct and hard to take at first but I do understand you. So I will try my best to eliminate these immature and selfish thoughts of mine and hope that if I just love 100% instead, that that would make the sun shine brighter each day that follows with me holding her hand.

slapshot_oi:
"And tal is right, true love is not jealous and keeps no record of when it was wronged. If you can't deal with her now don't even mention marriage."

Not jealous and no record of when it was wronged, it's so true, and I know I have much work to do. Thank you, now I know what to tackle and eliminate directly.

liz28:
"Do you know how hard it is to find someone that you want to share your life with? I don't think you do."

You're right liz28, I don't think I do.. . But maybe I'm beginning to see.

18Ahunnie: "From my point of view, maybe you don't feel man-up enough because usually its the guys who have the rep and the girls are the ones dealing with it."

We are now together for 5 months,
I think something inside me would want to experience what she has, her past and number of partners.
I do feel like I'm not the one with the "rep" as you say, and that could be seen as something a guy should have, but I don't.
I get confused about this issue.

I mean I think I'm feeling this way is because all I wanted was to marry my ex g/f that I was in love with, that I was with for 5 years, we lost our virginity with each other, but she left me after 5 years for a relationship she was having over the internet on the video game "world of warcraft". And at that time, my mother abandoned me and left my family with some guy she slept with and when I pleaded and cried to her face to face, "please don't leave mom", she screamed at me and said "why don't you want me to leave?, is it because you don't want me to go out and have sex".
I was traumatized from that moment on, I felt it in my heart.

After that I was in terrible shape mentally, I lost my focus on what my plan for life was. I mean people sleep with many other partners, why? Cause they just want to have many sexual experiences? Is that what I should do now? Or not? Is it wrong to do that? Or is it not a question of right or wrong? Is it just something that would be viewed as if I feel like it, I should just do it? And I wouldn't be labeled as a bad person?
Should I not be in a serious relationship were the objective is to get married and instead just find girls who want to sleep with me? And "have a good time or lets have fun" as I've heard many people say. Should I find someone that I'll fall in love with again and then only sleep with them?
I really didn't know what to do cause I felt like the issue, question, or decision of sleeping with people as a moral thing? Or just a modern day thing that I must just accept that people sleep around cause they want to have sex.

I think I'm in terrible shape inside, and my fear is if this current relationship doesn't work out for me, I might just want to sleep around with as many girls as possible and not believe in a thing like marriage anymore or everafter love, cause it seems like everyone sleeps around without thinking of how their long sexual list of sexual experiences would impact their future husband or wife mentally and what they would think of them.:confused::confused::confused:

What I can say to you is this, the idea of marriage is stuck in your head and I think the idea itself is overpowering reality. You guys have been together for 5 moths, That's IT!! You should be talking about marriage in a couple of years, not months. That should not be your goal in life hun. Try keeping yourself busy and the relationship fresh. Do not tie her down, our both still young and instead of thinking about the past, work towards what you want with her.

If you start sleeping around with everybody and not giving a f... k, where would your morals be?

Not every person your with is the right person for you to marry,. when I was single gwetting out of a really bad relationship I figured that's what I was going to do, I concentrated on what I had to do and then dated around quite a bit, coofee here, dinner there, blah blah blah. But I had a friend that was always there for me, and in th end he is the one I ended up with.

Just try to enjoy the best you can your time with her because you never know what is going to happen tomorrow!

The Guys She Has Been With in the Past thast Over. That's None Of Your Concern. Honestly... yeah she's been with plenty of guys but still that was in the past. You're her future and that's all that matters.

This message is for 18Ahunnie,

I'd like you to give me your definition of Dating, and then your definition of sleeping around.
Please define them in detail, how they differ or are similar. You said if I start sleeping around, where would my morals be?
OK
Well what about dating? You said you dated around quite a bit?
What is dating, when you say "dating" exactly, Go to a movie? Dinner? And that's it? Or do you end up doing something sexual with the person?
Please explain.

Dating; Kind of lik friends with benefis but nothing sexual seriously a coffee here movie there, dinner there, just to keep life ineteresting.

Sleeping around: going to someone's house doing the deed and leaving

Quote:

Originally Posted by 18Ahunnie

Dating: friends with benefis but nothing sexual seriously
just to keep life ineteresting?????????????????.

Sleeping around: going to someones house doing the deed and leaving??????????

Ok 18Ahunnie, both your definitions involve SEX or something sexual.

My definition for dating does not involve sex. It's involves talking, "drinking" coffee or"watching" a movie.

So, me saying I would "sleep around" would be equivalent to your definition of "dating" or "friends with benefits".

So when you tell me "where would my morals be if i slept around?"

If I said, instead, I'd like to have "friends with benefits", but nothing serious, "just to keep life interesting."

Would that be OK and not go against my MORALS??

Its okay to define your morals, but not someone else's. Accept them or you don't. You can't change them though.

Listen buddy that's my definition of dating and sleeping around, dating coffe, movie, NOTHING ELSE, no other intentions, friends with benefits not by sleeping with them. Just by going out with them and having fun,

Sleeping around----> having sex with them

You asked me what my definition is, I told you, instead of quoting me and questioning me, just think about what you are going to do for your situation.

You ever notice how many women get angry when a guy has a problem with a girl sleeping with tons of guys? Guess what? Men don't marry girls who sleep with everyone! Some of the people who have responded to this question should take note. You might not like it but its REALITY. Nobody buys the cow when she gave the milk to the ENTIRE VILLAGE. This isn't his problem, its her problem and she needs to help him with it or he should dump her. I know modern society says you should be able to sleep with tons of guys, and have no consequences. But guess what? There are!

Ever, Your mom left because she was sleeping with someone else and your GF of 5 years left because she met someone on "world of warcraft". So I can see why you are thinking the way you are thinking. But remember your current GF is not them so don't put their faults on her. She is a different person and you have to give her a clean slate. Yeah it is hard but you have to try.

Oh isn't this the old double standard thing again! But remember everyone... for every woman who has slept around a man has slept around also. It takes both to make that majic number. I couldn't care less what the numbers are. Every "number" is what makes us each the way we are. Of course when a man is sleeping with someone to get his kicks its totally OK. But if he were to hear his soon to be wife did that, its wrong. Hmmm... we all like our kicks boys!

Workedtoohard thanks so much. You are awesome!! :D
I agree entirely with all that you say,

Your point of a women sleeping with tons of guys and still thinking a guy should want to marry them, and that the man should not be upset with their long list of sexual crazy tales and experiences. I guess that's what they mean by -->"girls just want to have fun"

Quote:

Originally Posted by workedtoohard

You ever notice how many women get angry when a guy has a problem with a girl sleeping with tons of guys? Guess what? Men don't marry girls who sleep with everyone! You might not like it but its REALITY.

So true, Men don't marry girls who sleep with everyone.
And Men should not marry them. That's how it should be and girls need to know that, even in today's modern ways.
If they don't want to get married, do whatever you want. Sleep AWAY! But if a girl wants to, she need to have respect for herself and RESPECT for her future! Husband!

Quote:

Originally Posted by workedtoohard

Nobody buys the cow when she gave the milk to the ENTIRE VILLAGE. This isn't his problem, its her problem and she needs to help him with it or he should dump her.

Quote:

She's the Village Bicycle! "Everyone's had a Ride" (quote from Austin powers, the movie)

I believe the concept of a women sleeping with tons of guys degrades her self-worth as a respectable women considered for marriage. If you want to get married, you're going to become a "mother" and "wife" keep that in mind, you don't want to become a mother that was basically once an ex-porn star. I mean what would your future son or daughter think of you??

A man that wants to get married, wants to be with a women he respects and trusts for the rest of his life. A women that respects her body and knows her self worth.

And a women that has had many sexual experiences with various men under her belt, cannot expect to be considered marriage material.

Quote:

I know modern society says you should be able to sleep with tons of guys, and have no consequences. But guess what? There are!

And as for you 18Ahunnie, I'm not your buddy:cool:, and you need to learn to communicate better and not be so vague.

Quote:

"friends with benefits not by sleeping with them"

?? What the:eek:?? this term "Friends with benefits" is also called a (F--K buddies or FF F--K friend, look it up:D) and that involves sex, if you are not talking about having sex or doing anything sexual with a friend, don't use the term "friends with benefits"

Workedtoohard, you the man:)

Quote:

Originally Posted by 88sunflower

But if he were to hear his soon to be wife did that, its wrong. Hmmm.............we all like our kicks boys!

Remember 88sunflower:cool:, men are the ones that get down on their knees and propose and give you that big diamond ring that you've been dreaming about since you were a little Cinderella princess girl.

If you still are that princess girl :) you'll get it and your happily everafter, if you're the Village bicycle, everyone's had a ride, or the village cow that's used up all her milk say goodbye:eek: to your future husband and that big sparkly giant diamond ring:D:D:D
You choose your own destiny.

I am confused, as what are you tripping about, when you can just leave, and go to other pastures.

You have a choice, so why be stuck on one female, and make an issue if you can't deal with her??

Not everyone will fit your ideas of what you want, so why are you wasting your time berating someone else, for what they have done in their lives?

I'm sure all those fun loving girls you have put down, will find there own happiness, without your help. Let them, why dontcha.

Lol, I'm not tripping, I'm stating my opinion, just like everyone else and you.

I now know that I'm not considering her "this one female" as you say, marriage material.

I know that not everyone will fit my idea of what I want, that's a given, if they did I wouldn't be having this discussion and that's OK.

If those girls found happiness good for them, but I didn't find happiness with them so it was good that it didn't work out.

So Talaniman, what is your view on the "fun loving girls" that sleep around and have had lots of sexual partners?

Would you consider them marriage material? Wait are you a dude or girl and are you married, or are you one of those computer bot things?

I'm very interested in hearing all that you have to say about the subject old wise one:D.
Why don't you enlighten me with your knowledge, why dontcha:D:p:D:p:D

Quote:

So Talaniman, what is your view on the "fun loving girls" that sleep around and have had lots of sexual partners?

Thats their business, not mine, and honestly I don't care. I do know that what ever you do, you will be no better than the next human, plain, and simple. If you can't handle it, leave it alone. Why cry over it, as you seem to want to.

Re read what I have written, why don't cha, and you would know how I feel about it. You want background, click on my name above the avatar, and see my profile. Why don't cha.

Quote:

Originally Posted by everafterlove

lol, I'm not tripping, I'm stating my opinion, just like everyone else and you.

I now know that I'm not considering her "this one female" as you say, marriage material.

I know that not everyone will fit my idea of what i want, that's a given, if they did i wouldn't be having this discussion and that's ok.

If those girls found happiness good for them, but i didn't find happiness with them so it was good that it didn't work out.

So Talaniman, what is your view on the "fun loving girls" that sleep around and have had lots of sexual partners?

Would you consider them marriage material? wait are you a dude or girl and are you married, or are you one of those computer bot things?

I'm very interested in hearing all that you have to say about the subject old wise one:D.
why don't you enlighten me with your knowledge, why dontcha:D:p:D:p:D

How dare you?

I have a past, and I was promiscuous. I won't share my past with you because you don't deserve to hear it, but suffice it to say, I was one of those "fun loving girls" and yes, I am and was "marriage material". Do you want a wife, partner, lover or an ideal?

Before you continue to berate me because of the things in my past, I've been with my husband for 19 years, married for 14, always faithful and still in love. You see, he's not a narrow minded arse, he loves me for me, no matter what and I wouldn't accept anything less then that because I deserve to be loved for who I am, not what I've done!

So why dontcha just cut the girl loose, you don't deserve her!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

I was promiscuous.

Enough said.

Quote:

Originally Posted by everafterlove

enough said.

Really?

And being molested as a child and raped as a teen didn't have anything to do with it? Well, you'd be wrong.

See what happens when you judge people? They judge you right back!

I have kept a quiet eye and a closed tongue to this point, but now you are just insulting the well respected board members. I know I don't have to but I'm coming to the defense of my girl Alten.

You can't get over her past, then freaking leave! That simple! Good luck finding that perfect girl who hasn't done anything with anyone because it's rare and you will be missing out on a lot of terrific woman with your egotistical thoughts. You have got to be the biggest horses arse I have met on this forum. You don't want to marry the girl, and you know you have no intentions of doing it. So why are you still in the relationship? Perhaps being her freak buddy is comforting for you. I guess it's okay for you to use people, but not for them to have a life before you.