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Yup everyone in this thread feels the same way as you. As how hard it is to let go and move on and make it and start all over fresh. Ever more reason we should stick together to help each other and be there for each other when we feel more down or usual or just someone to talk about your feelings. =PQuote:
Originally Posted by h_leann_b
I have been where your years ago but even though I never thought of ending my life the break-up I had left me feeling depress. Then I realize with time that I had to change my way of thinking and focus of other things that matter in life instead of things I can't control.
I had a bad break-up with a guy that did me wrong in the worst way and once we broke up I just hated him and I let that hate consume me. Until one day my mom came over to my house and snap me into reality and to this day I still hold on to her words.
I don't know the whole story to your break-up but sometimes you have to forgive people in order for you to move on. While your holding on they is out living their live while your having sleepless nights. You've to truly let go and if you've a good support system in place then use it. Take it day by day because each day you'll grew stronger and wiser.
It is like a emotional roller coaster. Some days are up whilst others are down, but trust me your life is worth living and death should not be an option to end your pain- because the truth is some time in the future you will look back at this moment and this situation and the feelings that you feel now will have faded.
TRUST ME your life is worth living, and this pain that you are feeling will not last forever. You need to gain a positive attitude, because how can you improve your moving on process when you are so negative about life?? Also drinking away your sorrow will not solve your problems, it just blanks out the situation and in the morning your feelings will not change on top of having a hang over .
Speak to your friends about not mentioning the EX. Politely say that you would not like to hear anything about her. This is what I have done and it helps, id rather be curious and never find information about him.
I'm dealing with my break up by moving on as best as I can. I still think about him everyday and I have down moments where all I can do is cry. But overall my moving on progress is improving so much. I'm doing this by changing the way I view myself and life. I try to think positive and stay strong, hard I know but it will help.
Thumper, you sound like me when my ex broke up with me a few years back. First off you need to cut all ties with her and her family. My ex used to drive past my house so it was a lot harder on me. But when I stopped contacting her and ignoring her I started to heal. It took me about 8 months for the pain to go away and about another 6-7 months to stop thinking about her everyday. Now a little over 2 years later I do still think about her but the pain is gone. That's because of NC. Trust me once you do this with her and her Family you will heal. I know it will be hard but you have to come first.
Thanks for the input everyone. I am just so exhausted.. everyday of my life I am just tired and have no energy. I don't sleep at night, and then wake up early for work. The weekends I try to go out and socialize, but even when I am out I drift off in my thoughts and emotions and most of the time I leave wherever I am.. or ask to be brought home.
It's just amazing that she is out there living her life, not seeing anyone (dating), but having fun, socializing, meeting new people, doing her thing.. and could care less anymore how I feel. Which is obvious since there is no communication on her part. While I walk the beach at night alone wondering where I went wrong, and continue to put all the blame on myself and put her on her pedastal. Yet not even a few months ago she was willing to spend the rest of her life with me. And SHE was the one begging me to come back to her, and crying, etc.. It's really hard because I know I hurt her emotionally by not knowing what I wanted when SHE did... but I really feel like I didn't do anything SO bad that she couldn't see the BIG picture.. and give us a chance. You always hear so many females (sorry not trying to generalize) how all they want is a good guy, good job, family, bla bla.. well, I got it- and she is attracted to me- but she is gone? All the decisions I made I made for US, to be true to the relationship or let it go if I wasn't ready to move forward with her. I'm in so much denial because it just does not make sense... and as most know, it may never. I'm just tired... tired of crying, tired of wondering, tired of not being able to sleep.. tired of nightmares, tired of knowing I may never hold her again.. so god dam tired.. and tired of her telling me and everyone else "I just don't know what I want".. I so wish she would make up her mind and just tell me "I met another guy, or I am hanging out with another guy, or you and me aren't getting back together".. some type of closure would be great. But then again maybe her saying "I dont know what I want" is the truth.. either way I've tried to HOPE and BELIEVE in her, and us, but it has not gotten me anywhere.. she knows how I feel.. and it just doesn't matter anymore... argh... I so wish I could be one of those guys who just sleeps with a few chicks and gets over their ex.. life would be so much easier..
Thump
Thump
But you're not. And that is what makes you the person that you are. Someone who is able to come on an anonymous self-help website and share of your experiences in an attempt to help someone else. You're not bottling up your grief, hoarding it so that you are alone in your misery, but you're sharing it with others, hoping that they will not only find solace in your like circumstances, but also be able to help you in your time of grief.Quote:
Originally Posted by CrazyThumper
You're standing. You're surviving. You're making it.
It's hard as Hades, but you're doing it.
You will make it. You will survive. You will one day look back on this and see how it has made you stronger, wiser, and more of a charactered person.
Like the Rascal Flatts song STAND
You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be all right
You'll be all right
Chorus:
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand,
Then you stand
2. Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before it's gone
Start holding on, keep holding on
Chorus:
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand,
Yeah then you stand.
Bridge:
Every time you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place
Chorus:
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand,
Then you stand
Yeah then you stand.
Yeah then you stand.hake it off
Then you Stand,
Then you stand.
Stand. We're all standing with you. :)
You know what, you don't need to read into her "I don't know what I want" statement. She knows what she wants, she's just saying that so it does not hurt you as much. But she doesn't realize that it probably hurts you more.
Some people have the impression that "vagueness" is less painful than "directness." I have no idea where they get that impression, but it's just the way it is.
Even if her "I don't know" statement is true, she obviously doesn't care about you as much as before. If you really liked someone, you wouldn't have that kind of doubt.
So either way, you can take that statement and consider it closure.
Her "I dont know what I want" statement.. to me doesn't sound entirely true. To be honest my friend, she has made her decision- she knows what she wants, but she has done the same thing many others have done to their ex's, and that is not telling them the TRUTH, not giving them true CLOSURE... they think being vague will protect the one they are breaking up with.. NOT TRUE!.
Also, NO! You do not want her to tell you she has found someone else... take it from someone who's girlfriend left him for another guy (and gave me the excuse that 'I don't feel comfortable in a relationship')... you really don't want to find stuff like that out dude!.
I really hope you have initiated FULL NC.. no phone, text, IM, Facebook etc... like KC says, treat it like a death - mourn over it, but never return to it once its out of your system. I promise you.. you will be fine!.
FULL NC + TIME AND PATIENCE = SUCCESS
Update.. well, I have been trying to enjoy my time out with my friends a bit more even though it's consumed with alcohol. I will admit I have built up a tolerance for vodka... scary.
This weekend I ran into her when I was out with a friend.. I just smiled and walked by them.. did not stop to say hello, did not do anything but smile walk by and not even turn around for a second look. My friend was proud that I didn't bug out. She was just with a girlfriend of hers. I still have not kept to full NC as I find comfort in talking to one of her closest female friends. Her friend knows she is being a stubborn moron, and making a bad decision.. but in the end, it's her decision and nobody can change her mind. I know I should not talk to her friend, but.. I guess I do because it's comforting in a weird way to know that even her BEST friend thinks she is making a very bad decision.. and is actually annoyed at her for not getting back with me. And her friend almost reminds me of my ex, or at least the way she used to care. I know, this is holding me back from healing.. I guess my stubbornness to let go and accept it's over is leading to these actions.
I've actually recently been trying to look at pictures of her and act like I am no longer attracted to her- that didn't work. The only thing that even helps a bit is realizing that the girl that used to hold me and promise she would never let me go is no longer the same person. Because if she was the same girl, she would be talking to me and wanting to work through things. That hurts like hell to think like that, but hey- it's the facts now isn't it? I guess I just don't understand how I can move on to meeting new people, when my heart is still 100% consumed by her. I know "more time" is needed, but I tell you what... I've grown tired of giving my all to someone who doesn't give a f about me... but as mad as I want to be at her, I can't really blame her for what has happened between us. Nor can I blame myself for just not being ready at that time..
Thump..
Threads merged
Well.. quick recap- lost my girlfriend of 4 1/2 years about 8 months ago due to us just being on different pages/timelines..
Anyway.. recently (2 weeks ago) I saw her and went out of my way to say hello / ask how she was. Her responses were expected, very cold, very short, with no emotion.. I reminded her that I love her, and miss her- which she already knows and understands. I felt like my heart was shattered all over again when I pulled away as the words echoed in my head from her "I just want to be single and free". In all the years we dated, she always promised me she never cared about the single 'free' life.. how ironic..
I have nightmares still all the time.. last night my nightmare consisted of her being used and abused by some guy, as she was all drugged up. When confronting the guy he said "You just don't get it.. she doesn't want you anymore, she's now a drug addict, and a wh$re..the joke is on you". Well.. in the dream I basically beat the guy to death, and carried my ex- to the bathroom asking her "Why are you doing this.... why..." needless to say my subconscious is wreaking havoc on me.. waking up to that type of dream is not very good.
I've come to the point where I would love to tell myself I am improving as I am going out, lifting, meeting new people, even went on a bad date... but I know I'm only fooling myself as I destroyed something in my house today due to my emotions getting the best of me and I don't know how to release.. I just don't understand how a person who knows there is someone out there who would die for them, is OK with turning their back and just walking away. Willing to no longer have any conversation with them, care for them, and show no emotion to them when seeing them... I just don't understand. I teeter on crying/enraging every second of the day.. I'm so mad yet so hurt, and it's been a pretty long time.. I guess I just don't understand, and I never will. I'll neve get the answers I want, and I'll never get the girl that I love... I think I'm wasting my time trying to meet new people, because even as one girl told me "You're still holding on to your ex", and she is right..
Thumper..
That person is dying for them, and look at where it's getting you. You are dying for this woman's attention, telling her you love her when she won't even smile at you. I question how she's worth dying for. She certainly isn't worth loving.Quote:
Originally Posted by CrazyThumper
You also have to give yourself some credit. She knew this was going to end and you got caught off guard. She backed herself out before it happened. After 4 years, and a surprise dumping you have every right to still be upset and in pain. But you don't help your cause by talking to her at all, and telling her your still in love and miss her is just a huge mistake. Even if it's true, it just scares her off and continues your own pain. You have to stop talking to her, and this should have been done months ago. Every time you talk to her, you hit the reset button on your own emotional healing.
Agreed - you really need to distance yourself and realize that you don't have to care anymore. A friend of mine told me this as we were driving one day. "I care if that person in the red car in front of us would wreck or get hurt, but I am not going to lose sleep over it."
It's not your problem anymore, she is going to do what she wants and honestly if you keep showing the attention to her, it sounds like she is just going to be pushed further and further into the downward spiral she has started. But nobody can pull her out, but herself. Just remember, you are responsible for one person - YOU!
First of all, don't want to be mean or anything, you got what was coming to you when you saw her and you told her you love her. Never do that after a breakup!!
As for the nightmares, you haven't been NCing have you? If you did it would have slowly stopped and you would be stronger by now!
The truth is our ex doesn't care about us anymore no matter how sad we are or how much we are willing to do for them. You deserve better, someone who won't leave you ever and you will find that person.
Until then you need to get your life back on track. Don't contact her anymore and heal bro. Best wishes.
I just don't understand how a person who knows there is someone out there who would die for them, is ok with turning their back and just walking away. Willing to no longer have any conversation with them, care for them, and show no emotion to them when seeing them... I just don't understand.
Well, you don't understand because you're making it all about you.
She doesn't want you to die for her and she's telling you in the only way she knows how. You're not listening bacause you're too busy thinking about how great you are (and how she can't see this)and about how awful you feel. You're angry because she doesn't want you, but someone else will when you grow up a bit.
Stop making it about you. In fact, just stop it. It's over, all done, all finished.
Sit down, drink a big long glass of harden the f**k up and get on with your life.
Cut contact with the girl, this means no phone calls, no I love yous and no quick hello's. I guarantee you will start to feel better once you cut the contact
Yes, put any any photos, don't email her, don't call her don't text her, if you happen to see her ignore her.
And start dating, every weekend if you can get out and start living life for you.
Start dating? How is that suppose to help him??Quote:
Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck
My advice
If you happen to see her don't ignore her, but be short but polite.It was 4 and a half year relationship it will take time for you to get over her.
I am going to give you some cold truth, from the movie "Wyatt Earp." When asked about women, Earp had this to say: "Women run off...they leave...they die...but family is forever..."
It is a fairly cold line to remember, but it is a mentality I have when it comes to a break up, especially when you devote so much emotion and energy into something that isn't reciprocated. This isn't about her, it is about the fact that you have yet to face the truth. She doesn't care whether you would lay your life down for her... that is your prerogative, and she simply has her own life to live. You do to, once you realize you are in control of your life. Once someone leaves you and tells you they do not love you anymore, it is time to face that truth and get on with your life. Fu** them!! Life is too short man.
I am in the EXACT situation you are as far as time. 4 1/2 year relationship and broke up in August. I recently ran into my ex at a bar. My friends said, "Guess who is here...(insert her name)." You know what I said? "And???" Grabbed my beer and continued to have fun.
Threads merged because this is not a new topic, and the background info is importanr for good feedback
So I wanted to make a new topic and not add to my original post (gf 4 1/2 years ended 8 months ago) and discuss these changes in feelings.
Basically she has cut me off, won't communicate with any of her/my old friends that know me, no emails, texts,phone calls etc from her in 6 months+.. someone taught her how to go NC very good lol. Anyway.. the one time I did see her/ and 1 time I did talk to her on the phone she made it clear that she KNOWS what I want, and how I feel but she doesn't want it. Ok so be it... here is the dilemma..
Any of my ex's who have cheated,lied,deceived me I was able to get mad at/angry and move on from them in a much shorter time. This recent ex never did anything so wrong that made me mad.. she just had a chance in feelings and wanted to be single again.. OK whatever.. I still wanted her back for o.. 8 months now. BUT now that I realize she is not coming back, she has no desire to keep me in her life, talk to me ever again.. I have almost become bitter to that... it's a toss up between totally hurt, and mad. I guess it's an ego thing where you can't understand that someone who wanted to marry you, can all of a sudden not even want you in their life OR care about what is going on in yours.
I really don't want to hate her, or dislike her, etc... because she was an amazing girl and we really cared for each other.. but I can't help it. It's almost like I can already predict totally ignoring her if I ever see her again because I'm so hurt by her lack of communication with me on any level.
Anyway- any of you ever get like this? I mean if she knocked on my door today I would probably take her back, or at least consider it after much communication... but overall Im just so pissed off now after so much time has passed.. for so long I would have done anything to get her back, but once I realized it's not happening.. I am just becoming angry towards her in my own mind.
Thoughts?
-Thumper
Why are you spinning your wheels over this girl? It is hurting only you. Move forward. Make new friends. Date lots of girls. Find ways to have fun.
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