Ask Me Help Desk - My girlfriend has sex with other guys and says it's OK

Ask yourself the following questions:

1. If she gets pregnant, what will you do? How will you know whether it's yours?

2. How many diseases can you possibly come into contact with by sleeping with someone who's sleeping with everyone else?

3. How low is Yourself esteem that you have allowed her to treat you like a fool?

I don't mean to be harsh, but unless you are both 16, you shouldn't even have to ask for opinions on this. My husband is only home for 1 week every month too. I would never consider sleeping with anyone else.

So if she decides she'll be faithful ::cough:: will you believe her?

Feah,
If I were you, I'd get to my nearest clinic for a full STD panel, including HSV1 and 2. This is ridiculous. Anybody who cares for you can hold off on having sex with other guys for as long as it takes to be with you.

I disagree with those calling this girl a whore. Really?

Dating means different things to different people. Some are exclusive, one person with one person... some see no problem dating more than one person when there is no long term commitment.

I'm not saying what she did was "right"... or "wrong" for that matter. Clearly, the two people were not on the same page mentally. She sees a more casual relationship and he expects exclusivity.

But please... its pretty judgemental to call someone a whore when she sees relationships at this point in her life as nonexclusive.

Why not call anyone who has sex outside of a long term commitment (marriage?) a whore? Is someone a whore because they sleep with someone else, but they aren't a whore if they sleep with you? A person can sleep with someone and not be a whore if they only sleep with one person? How soon is too soon?

Look... I know I'm being a drama queen here. I've always dated exclusively. I've also been cheated on by two big loves. Infidelity isn't something I care to defend.

But one of those loves was a woman who was up front with her being open to an open relationship... she was fine if I wanted to date others, which I didn't... and she didn't date others for nearly 2 years... but then slept around when id asked her to just tell me when other relationships elevate physically. My ex, at least, was up front with the idea of dating others... and knowing whether she was active with others gave me info about std risks, etc.

Obviously these two aren't matched well. They don't see "dating" as the same things. I don't know... you date someone long distance and see them once a month... that's not very often... and I think it's a lot to expect someone to wait around for you when you'll see each other a dozen times a year... at least in a new relationship.

So... yeah, she shouldve been a helluvalot more up front. They both shouldve had more common ground. And she certainly withheld information that shouldve been shared or he assumed too much.

But I'm not going to call her a whore or slut or b!tch. What lovely words we assign to women who explore their sexuality.

She is a bad match for his expectations.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Feah

Now genreally I'm a pretty jelous person, when she tells me sometimes guys kiss her I get a bit worked up. But she convinces me there's no love involved so I kind of accept it.

However, on Saturday I'll be going Korea for 1 year, and I won't be seeing her for a year (we've talked about this quite a bit). But she tells me that she can't NOT have sex for a whole year which I find crazy!

She then goes onto explain that while we've been dating she has had sex with other guys too which, for me, crossess the line.

These three factors, do not scream NUN to me. Kissing, convincing her boyfriend, it's OK, because there isn't any love.

Unable to obstain from sex for one year for her relationship.

Tells her boyfriend AFTER the fact that she has been sleeping with other people, possibly passing STDs to him and should she have turned up pregnant, unable to tell who the father might be.

You are right whore might be harsh, but there is CLEARLY a HUGE difference in his understanding of a relationship, which his understanding meets the standards of most people understanding of a relationship, while hers varied in a non traditional way. If she wanted a relationship that was non exclusive and she would be sleeping with multiple partners, she did have an obligation to let her multiple partners know.

KP, I see your point.

Okay, maybe the use of the word whore was uncalled for, after all, I shouldn't judge. But, this guy thought he was in a committed, loving, exclusive relationship.

If she wanted an open relationship then she should have stated that in the very beginning. He wasn't aware of this, so at best she's a cheater. As you said, different strokes for different folks, but you do have to be honest about it and upfront.

So, I'll hang my head for using the whore word, well, I didn't actually use it but it was definitely implied. Forgive me? Please? :o

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

If she wanted an open relationship then she should have stated that in the very beginning. He wasn't aware of this, so at best she's a cheater. As you said, different strokes for different folks, but you do have to be honest about it and upfront.

So, I'll hang my head for using the whore word, well, I didn't actually use it but it was definitely implied. Forgive me? Please? :o

Hey alty.

I'm in a mood, hon.

Irish side just wants to argue and fight today, methinks. Probably a good day to avoid the AMHD boards.

The girl has a right to define her relationships as she wishes, and we knee jerk label women who are sexually active and curious. She shouldve been upfront. And as mentioned, after the fact doesn't help where stds are concerned, let alone the mental baggage. We only are getting one side of the story, so I can't tell if there were inappropriate assumptions, extremely different interpretations... we certainly know there was miscommunication about what the relationship was.

She did tell him other guys were kissing her... so I don't know if that was to tease him, inform him, etc... I don't know, other than I'm in a Mood.

I wouldent believe her for one second that she won't have sec with other guys when you're a way,I mean if she cat control herself whiles she's WITH you and SEES you at least once a month

how do you expect her to not do anything for a year.

Id dump her and find a nice Asian lady ^-^

Watch dates on threads... the original poster hasn't been back since feb 09. I'm guessing the issue has been solved one way or another by now.

Not wrong to post on old threads, but I tend to put more effort on current posts, with members needing help here and now. Just something to consider.

Closed, these are not blogs, watch your dates, this is almost 2 years old