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Originally Posted by ka1

Sorry when I say bad man I mean people that cheated, abused, stole money, etc. So we are only concerned with good that treat a woman well, sweet, supportive, whatever. Those things ae nice, but you can have the m and no compatibility. My friends individually are great people. They dated for a little while, and he treat her nicely, but they were not gonna be together for 5 yrs and get married, they were incompatible on really basic levels.

There are people on this board the were compatible with their ex'sm which usually means the reason for breaking was not a good. The dumper will come in a situation like, because they go out and find that its rough out there.

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Oh, they were not compatible on basic levels (religion, sex, money?).

Oh, so the people who broke up with their significant other for reasons other than basic compatibility (agreement on religion, sex, or money) wasn't good?

So I understand now, you can do it if life circumstances allow, and the person understand they will neeed to go through hell to rebuilt it. What other circumstances? How about for their careers. That's a good classic block, but let pretend that really are working at the job.

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Originally Posted by ka1

That depends on the relationships. Break-up break done into cheating, abuse, enmotion distnace, etc. There a lot of peope that do need to break because if fundemental problems in the relationship because incompatibility. If compatibility is there and there is none of that other nonesnse, they come back. Many more want to, but refuse to admit they fcked up and stay single.

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If the couple was incompatible and had fundamental problems and broke up... then I'm confused why they would get back together.

If the couple was compatible and didn't have fundamental problems but broke up... then I'm confused why they would break up in the first place.

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Originally Posted by teastalk

Oh, they were not compatible on basic levels (religion, sex, money?).

Oh, so the people who broke up with their significant other for reasons other than basic compatibility (agreement on religion, sex, or money) wasn't good?

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I'm just trying weed what we would a consider bad guys or women from the conversation. My whole is related to your question. You can have a nice girl or man, and have fun because they are good people, and still not be compatible. I believe that if you had both, especilly the compatibility, 1. you should not have broken up to begin with, but 2. the dumper always comes back.

Life and dating circumstances almost force its.

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Originally Posted by teastalk

If the couple was incompatible and had fundamental problems and broke up... then I'm confused why they would get back together.

If the couple was compatible and didn't have fundamental problems but broke up... then I'm confused why they would break up in the first place.

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NOW we're getting someplace. The last thing you said is what is happening to a lot of people on the board. The couple was compatible and didn't have fundamental problems but broke up anyway, usually do to a lack feeling that they think that they have loss. But they're there. They should not have broken up, but they did, and the dumper will come back because it will dawn on them. Now the question is under what circumstance are they allowed back in your life.

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Originally Posted by ka1

You can have a nice girl or man, and have fun because they are good people, and still not be compatible. I believe that if you had both, especilly the compatibility, 1. you should not have broken up to begin with, but 2. the dumper always comes back.

Life and dating circumstances almost force its.

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What do you define as compatibility?

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Originally Posted by teastalk

How do you define her as good Kev-Cali?

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She is good in the sense that she was always very smart and more mature throughout the breakup process. Even now that I try to get back with her, she is the one that is advising me , telling me that she promises things will get better in time and it won't be so hard for me , that I should take time to get to know other girls, etc.

I already know that my chances of finding a girl so beautiful and smart is going to be hard for me to come across in the future. I definitely have come to realize how good she really was the whole time. I dumped her in my search for 'the perfect girl' , to explore some needed experimentations , and to be sure of myself for engagement. Of course months later I came to realize that I was wrong to do so and I wish I could have worked things out from the start with her.

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Originally Posted by teastalk

If the couple was compatible and didn't have fundamental problems but broke up... then I'm confused why they would break up in the first place.

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GOLD star for you. You now know, why myself, my family, her family, her friends, and her co-workers are scratching tier heads. But this thread is not about me. I just want to give you props.

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Originally Posted by Kev-Cali

She is good in the sense that she was always very smart and more mature throughout the breakup process. Even now that I try to get back with her, she is the one that is advising me , telling me that she promises things will get better in time and it won't be so hard for me , that I should take time to get to know other girls, etc.

I already know that my chances of finding a girl so beautiful and smart is going to be hard for me to come across in the future. I definately have come to realize how good she really was the whole time. I dumped her in my search for 'the perfect girl' , to explore some needed experimentations , and to be sure of myself for engagement. Of course months later I came to realize that I was wrong to do so and I wish I could have worked things out from the start with her.

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WOW you made the classic women mistake, or thinking there was something better and didn't want to settle. But he had it all along.

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Originally Posted by ka1

WOW you made the classic women mistake, or thinking there was something better and didn't want to settle. But he had it all along.

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Salt... wound, much?? :D Jeeesh!

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Originally Posted by teastalk

What do you define as compatibility?

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That could take a book, clips would be the same values, life goals, how decisions will be made in the (if engaged) religious background, attitudes about sex, career directions, beliefs about man and woman roles--if any, those are a few.

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Originally Posted by Kev-Cali

She is good in the sense that she was always very smart and more mature throughout the breakup process. Even now that I try to get back with her, she is the one that is advising me , telling me that she promises things will get better in time and it won't be so hard for me , that I should take time to get to know other girls, etc.

I already know that my chances of finding a girl so beautiful and smart is going to be hard for me to come across in the future. I definately have come to realize how good she really was the whole time. I dumped her in my search for 'the perfect girl' , to explore some needed experimentations , and to be sure of myself for engagement. Of course months later I came to realize that I was wrong to do so and I wish I could have worked things out from the start with her.

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I see... wow, you guys must have been together for quite some time for you guys to be engaged. Either that, or you guys were really compatible for you to be thinking about engagement.

Yeah, I think people need to talk about their problems before it's too late. Unfortunately, my boyfriend didn't seem to feel the urgent need to discuss with me. He just turned off. He didn't ask me questions, he didn't answer my questions, he wouldn't tell me anything.

I feel like it's my fault, that I could have shared with him more about my feelings of hurt or unhappy times or happy times. When I mentioned this, he said that I did share with him some of my feelings. I just don't know. Whatever I said, he seemed to have shot it down. It's hopeless. I'm trying not to think of him.

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Originally Posted by ka1

WOW you made the classic women mistake, or thinking there was something better and didn't want to settle. But he had it all along.

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Yes I thought there was something better, but found out I had it all along. It hurts like hell!! I've never experienced such a bad feeling in my life before.
Is this really a classic mistake I made? If it's classic, what's the classic outcome for both her and I in this situation?

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Originally Posted by teastalk

I see... wow, you guys must have been together for quite some time for you guys to be engaged. Either that, or you guys were really compatible for you to be thinking about engagement.

Yeah, I think people need to talk about their problems before it's too late. Unfortunately, my boyfriend didn't seem to feel the urgent need to discuss with me. He just turned off. He didn't ask me questions, he didn't answer my questions, he wouldn't tell me anything.

I feel like it's my fault, that I could have shared with him more about my feelings of hurt or unhappy times or happy times. When I mentioned this, he said that I did share with him some of my feelings. I just don't know. Whatever I said, he seemed to have shot it down. It's hopeless. I'm trying not to think of him.

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You know a lot of couple break because of communication issues that could have been fixed in therapy. That only pertain to people getting engaged usually. But if what you say is true, and he learns that at some point, then he going to feel like an . Why? He made a big deal over something he was going to have to do with someone anyway,

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Originally Posted by neverme

Salt...wound, much???? :D Jeeesh!

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Lol!

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Originally Posted by Kev-Cali

Yes I thought there was something better, but found out I had it all along. It hurts like hell!!! I've never experienced such a bad feeling in my life before.
Is this really a classic mistake I made? If it's classic, what's the classic outcome for both her and I in this situation?

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Unless you're very very lucky. That bridge is gone. You blew it up. Sorry:( You'e only hope is that she's trying to nail the point home to you hard, and then entertain the idea later. But I know for myself other boards thought I was not being humble enough, and what it was a feeling of insult. She could be offended that is the reason you left, and if she knows that's the reason, then as the 1st few posts to the thread said, that's not a good reason to take back,

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Originally Posted by teastalk

I see... wow, you guys must have been together for quite some time for you guys to be engaged. Either that, or you guys were really compatible for you to be thinking about engagement.

Yeah, I think people need to talk about their problems before it's too late. Unfortunately, my boyfriend didn't seem to feel the urgent need to discuss with me. He just turned off. He didn't ask me questions, he didn't answer my questions, he wouldn't tell me anything.

I feel like it's my fault, that I could have shared with him more about my feelings of hurt or unhappy times or happy times. When I mentioned this, he said that I did share with him some of my feelings. I just don't know. Whatever I said, he seemed to have shot it down. It's hopeless. I'm trying not to think of him.

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I was like your boyfriend , I didn't feel the urgent need to discuss the issue, I just made sure I kept in occasional contact with her to show that I still thought and cared.

She was like you, never sharing her feelings with me , and never called me. I regret that she refrained from doing so because I think that if she would have expressed her feelings and not been so tough, we could have reasoned together and maybe worked it out.

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Originally Posted by ka1

You know a lot of couple break because of communication issues that could have been fixed in therapy. that only pertain to people getting engaged usually. But if what you say is true, and he learns that at some point, then he gonna feel like an . Why? He made a big deal over something he was gonna have to do with someone anyway,

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Well he did say that we had communication issues and a connection issue. I think (I may be wrong) what he meant by the second one is the "feeling" which you mentioned once before of the new relationship which waxes and wanes. However, I hope what you said about the communication issue is true and about what he'll feel like later is also true.

I asked him what was wrong and he said that nothing was wrong. Later on he acted like a dead fish over the phone and in person. I didn't give up when many others would have called it quits. I was stupid. I will call it quits at the proper time the next time.

I tell every time I picture taking my ring back, I just want punch my way into a room and curl up. I think I would handle this a bit better is we were not engaged. Of corse its also possible that with out the engagement this may not have happened. There would not have been the pressure weddings dates etc.

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Originally Posted by teastalk

Well he did say that we had communication issues and a connection issue. I think (I may be wrong) what he meant by the second one is the "feeling" which you mentioned once before of the new relationship which waxes and wanes. However, I hope what you said about the communication issue is true and about what he'll feel like later is also true.

I asked him what was wrong and he said that nothing was wrong. Later on he acted like a dead fish over the phone and in person. I didn't give up when many others would have called it quits. I was stupid. I will call it quits at the proper time the next time.

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I get the notion you mean. I was ready to leave 4yrs ago, and did't because I knew I was actny emotionally. And I then look at what had in common on all those areas, and I admit I looked at how each of our families looked at us, and how random people, old and young, would come tell us how well looked or how we treated each in public. It made me stay, and obviously it got good enough for me to propose.