Ask Me Help Desk - Girlfriend says "i love you" to her guy friend

Quote:

Originally Posted by liz28

Not always true. One my exes is a songwriter and has been so for years, which was one of the reasons why we broke up. He calls me up to listen to what he wrote without the intentions to win me back because he value my opinon. So I don't get where you get off that musician only ask other musicians for feedback so you get real.
.

I'm so glad you asked: I'm a musician of 15 years (drums and guitar), and I know that unless your in the band, booking gigs or making the band money, your opinion doesn't matter. The rest is show. When he cries one out for you on acoustic, it's 'cause he wants something, not 'cause he thinks what you tell him will make him a better songwriter. You seem intelligent, so don't act so naïve.

Sorry sweetheart.

Quote:

Originally Posted by everafterlove

she first denied it and then later she said yes that he and her were laughing at me and that she was sorry for it....i felt really hurt like i shared my feelings with her and then she told this guy friend about it and they both laughed at me behind my back and basically didnt take my feelings seriously.

I told you talkin' won't do any good. At any rate, fire her!

If this is the same wild party girl from your other posts, why are you still with her having all these problems? I can understand her actions, making you feel insecure, but why are you still there when its quite obvious, she is bringing out the worst in you.

Now your really hurt. That usually happens when your trying to change someone from what they are.

Quote:

Originally Posted by slapshot_oi

I'm so glad you asked: I'm a musician of 15 years (drums and guitar), and I know that unless your in the band, booking gigs or making the band money, your opinion doesn't matter. The rest is show. When he cries one out for you on acoustic, it's 'cause he wants something, not 'cause he thinks what you tell him will make him a better songwriter. You seem intelligent, so don't act so naive.

Sorry sweetheart.

I told ya talkin' won't do any good. At any rate, fire her!

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Playing something for someone to get a gig is totally different from playing your music for friends or family to get their feedback about your music. I was purely talking about feedback not gigs.

Secondly, my ex doesn't want anything from me and nor do I. We been friends for the last 5 years and he even comes to my house to watch the game with my fiancé or to hang out. We've no romantic feelings for me and neither do I for him. Were strictly friends and don't have to lie to each other and he don't have any ill motives behind anything he do or saids. So I've no clue to where you come off.

To the OP there are other girls out there so maybe it might be time for you to get one. What do you think.

Quote:

If this is the same wild party girl from your other posts
She is bringing out the worst in you.
Now your really hurt. That usually happens when your trying to change someone from what they are.

This is a different girl.
True, it is bringing out the worse in me :-(
And true again I shouldn't be trying to change someone :-(

So should I just tell her it's over cause all this time I've just been trying to change her into the girl that I really envision as a good match for me?

Yes, you can't change someone until something that you want. If the qualities that you want in a woman aren't there than it's better for you to find someone with the qualities you seek.

It okay to ask for advice but when it comes down to it you have to make your own decisions other people shouldn't make them.

Do I think your be better off without this girl? Yes! Would I leave her alone? Yes! Now we know what I would do so what are you going do? The decision is yours. However, I think you know what you should do. So like the Nike logan "just do it".

Stop looking for fixer-uper's.

Get someone who loves you for you and that you love for them. Basics. But so easy to miss when you just want love.

You need to deal with the issues that make you act this way. Maybe some counseling is in order?

I agree with Dare, I mean talk to her and make sure that she knows that it makes you uncomfortable. But at the same time be very cautious of what's going on there. I had a girlfriend who used to do the same type of thing with one of her guy friends and I talked to her about it and we reached a compromise but two months later she cheated on me with her supposed "GUY FRIEND". Just don't be blind

Quote:

Originally Posted by everafterlove

ok get this, I talked to her about this whole "I love you" thing. And she says i understand and she says he's just a friend and i have nothing to worry about so everything was cool, BUT! then this happened. . . .

I got ice cream with her one night and we were driving back to my place to watch a dvd and then this dude calls.

So she talks to him over the phone and just when shes about to hang up i hear him saying to her "i love you" and then he laughs
and then she says "I Love you" back to him and laughs too.

And this type of laugh is like a weird one i can't really describe it but i suspected that she told him that i had a problem with this whole "i love you" thing and they both think I'm stupid for feeling uncomfortable with it and they are both laughing at me.

So right when she got of the phone i was really sad and angry and she asked me "what's wrong"? and so i said to her why did you say "i love you" to him and then laugh and why did he laugh and say i love you to you? were you both laughing at me because i told you how i felt about the whole issue.

she first denied it and then later she said yes that he and her were laughing at me and that she was sorry for it.

i felt really hurt like i shared my feelings with her and then she told this guy friend about it and they both laughed at me behind my back and basically didnt take my feelings seriously.

i told her that i found that really disrespectful that she would laugh at me about this whole thing in my presence and with that guy and that this shows the guy that she has no respect for my feelings and that by doing this that she shows this guy that it's ok to laugh at her boyfriends feelings.

i was really hurt.

Its time to move on. There are a lot of other girls out there who would be a better match for you.Good Riddance to ---- -----.
Good Luck

Quote:

Originally Posted by liz28

So I've no clue to where you come off.

I don't even know what you're talking about. The original point I made was this guy's girlfriend's "friend" is up to something.

Quote:

Originally Posted by cjeep23

I mean talk to her and make sure that she knows that it makes you uncomfortable

He already tried that and she laughed at him.

EDIT
So I just read this thread by you, and like liz28 already pointed out, you're repeating history. Clearly, you're insecure, and that has to change, once it does, you won't be attracting women who will laugh at you.

If you don't respect yourself, you won't get it from others. You receive what you give, so on and so forth.

You really need to see how your own feelings are affecting your actions in a negative way, and deal with those issues, before getting in a relationship.

No, you cannot change anyone into what you want, and shouldn't try. You get way to attached to be in a healthy relationship, and now this one is poisoned, just like your other one.

You need to work on you my friend, by yourself.

Thank you so much for the great advice everyone once again, I believe I should move on and work on myself. (great points talaniman) I'll keep yo'all updated on the future events. Once again thanks so much :-), I really appreciate all this wonderful advice.
-everafterlove-

A girl can love a friend be it man or woman in a different way than she loves her boyfriend or her mate.
Just because she tells him she loves him you should not be threatened. If you love her and she loves you then do not sweat the way she shows her love to a friend.