No Contact. Means no email, text, phone call, Facebook, Myspace or any other communication with your ex. It's really the only way to truly heal and move on.

Also you're setting yourself up for an emotional beating if you continue to wait on her. You should be letting her go now. If she calls you, she is not going to tell you anything you want to hear.

You're better off proceeding forward believing she is NOT calling and NOT coming back.

It's good that you are keeping yourself busy, that's a good start. You're going to need it to when your false hope gets shattered when you either don't hear from her or find out that she has moved on from you.

You sound just like me, when my ex gave me the "I need a break" line. She just went to Florida for an internship and I would call her everyday to talk and whatever. In August she told me "I need a break from us. I don't want to make my final decision over the phone. I want to wait till I get back in November before I make my final choice."

Well I agreed, and talked to her about once a week for the next two months with the false notion that she was going to come running back to my arms. BOY WAS I WRONG!

In October, I found out through her that she was talking with another guy and ended up sleep with him after we went on a break. I was devastated and wish I would have just looked at the situation for what it was and started moving on at the start. Now I am a couple months behind in the healing process because I waited.

It sounds like you're doing the same thing I did by setting yourself up with false hope and waiting for the impending devastation. You should be proactive in healing yourself, not reactive.

You I am already expecting the worst... if she does not call I plan to go down to San Diego and end it officially.

If worst comes to worst... I want her to be one of my friends still...
Cause maybe along the way... she might be more mature and changed.

You young guys ( and girls ) just don't realize you have a lifetime to be someone's friend. Stop making excuses and call it like it is, you want to stay close in case she/he changes her/his mind. Come on fellas, people will come and go through your life forever, so let this go!

That's what it takes, being strong enough to let go, and trust yourself, to survive, and grow.

Listen to the advice here - I have never heard a more unequivocal "break" line than what she gave you.

It's done, I'm certain of that. It has more to do with her than you. The likelihood of her coming back to you are very low to nil. The call you want won't come - there's a good chance she will call but you must realize now that it won't be because she wants to get back together.

The sooner you accept the finality of this the better. You have no need to drive two hours to San Diego to end this - you didn't dump her. She dumped you. You can tell her over the phone that it's over - but only if you mean it - and that means NO CONTACT afterwards.

I'd like to add that this probably isn't anything what you wanted to hear. You wanted us to console you and tell you how to win her back. You wanted a step by step formula on how to make it right.

I'm sorry, but that doesn't exist. Most of the things you have heard here are true, but it doesn't seem like you want to accept that. Just preparing yourself for an emotional beating is not running the scenario through your head and imagining what you're going to say. It's going out and living your life to the fullest. It's going out and flirting with that girl you just met, because now you can. She's probably doing the same thing! ENJOY YOUR LIFE. You only get one. Now is not the time to sink into despair, but to strengthen yourself and your belief in yourself. I remember Tal saying once that "you are responsible for your own happiness." That is exactly what you need to know now.

So last night... at 1:35 am in the morning she calls me

I answered of course.
She said she she called to say hi and to tell me good night. She sounded very happy but tired
It was pretty much a normal conversation between me and her.
I ask her how she is and how did her day go.
A bit more talking then she says she's going to go to sleep now
So I said OK
And asked a quik question "so can I call you tomorrow between my classes?" she replied "umm iunno"
So I asnwered "ok I'll wait for your calls then"
She said "goodnight"
And I said "goodnight and sweet dreams"

... you

Played right into her hands... God you acted like a girl man! I am sorry, but where are your balls?

Get the upper hand, and quit acting like your dreams all of a sudden come true when she calls you! That does no good. Be busy and unavailable... simple as that. Picking up a phone call at 1:35am is not really doing that...

I also want to make sure you don't think I am being a complete jerk. I did the same thing you did, so I am trying to give you some pointers, so you don't go down the same road I did...

Well she knows I would still be awake that late and be doing my homework or something.

I know one call can/can't change the circumstances
But it shows that she misses me

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TheZGuy

but it shows that she misses me

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And?? You think that because she misses you that means she wants you back, or still is "in love" with you? NO! She still has somewhat of an attachment to you, and that has nothing to do with her still being "in love" with you.

Please, do not be so naïve!

Carry on... :cool:

My ex tried calling a few times after we broke up, asking how I was handling the break up. She even went as far as stalking my myspace page(until it went private) to see what I was up to and who I was hanging out with. You know what her last text was that I actually read

"I am so happy you can throw away 2 years and hook up with some sl*t at a party. I can't believe I loved you!"

Meanwhile she had been going out every night with some guy from work.

I know I know I shouldn't have said "ok so i'll be waiting for your call then."

But now I'm just playing the "game" with her.
If she calls she call. I don't asnwer... then return it on my CONVENIENCE. But even after calling her ill act like busy or w/e
She finally unblock me on AIM... I won't IM her ill wait for her to IM me... if she does ill wait a bit maybe 10-20minutes... and say my bad I was doing (insert something here)..
Whatever happens happens.

NOOO dude!. bad plan
No contact literally means NO CONTACT...
You don't wait and then get back to her... you don't get back to her what so ever... only then will you be actually making progress. Yeah it hurts like a biatch but trust me, it actually works... please don't be stubborn, listen to everyone, they reallly know what they are talking about.
Don't play any games with her... pretending to be busy and looking at the clock to see if 10 minutes have passed so you can IM her... that's lame dude!. Im sorry, but.. go NC and actually be committed to it!. you can do it!. then you won't pretend to be busy, you really will be busy... things will come up in your life over time... you will start to let go and move on.
Believe me, its been 7 weeks of NC for me - apart from a xmas message... and I get stronger everyday!! I have my bad days, but the good days are starting to outweigh the bad now... I am on the road to recovery, I have accepted what has happened and I am letting go, trying to forget about her and reassure myself that - she didn't truly love me, I deserve better.
After all... I love and respect myself enough to know I deserve someone who will love me the same way I love them... and nothing less. You deserve the same my friend.
Trust me, my situation is similar to yours. But my ex just did a 180 on me as soon as she got to university, she always used to talk about our future and how we would be together forever, how she would climb mount everest for me... then as soon as she got to university, she felt uncomfortable in a relationship, started hanging out with another guy - she then left me and wanted to just be friends... few weeks later, she was with the other guy... thats when I started NC, that hurt me really bad! All those loving things she said only a few weeks ago went out of the window, she got to university and just wanted to be single and felt uncomfortable being in a relationship... it was bizarre...

Sorry, back to the point... the less you know the better.. stick to NC because it will sting like MAD knowing your ex has moved on with another guy SO SOON (like it was in my case)... so just stick to NC and build your life again.
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off... you will be fine, you deserve better!

Disappear for 6 months from her life.

Guys... I know I'm being stubborn but what if she is willing to fix our relationship... shouldn't I try to fix it with her too?
Because I know how she feels about me and she knows how I feel about her... its equal
She is just a very indecisive person. Bad example but if I don't choose something to eat for us... we literally won't eat for days.
I know it'll take long for her to decide

If she wants to move on then ill let her move on
I'm fine with that
But if she wants to get back, then I got to see how I feel then give her an answer.

Child games are for children, become an adult and sign off that AIM or messenger program and get back into life.

"Don't endure life, enjoy life"

If she is trying to fix the relationship... you will know about it LOUD AND CLEAR.
If she just tries to talk to you here and there... she is probably just stringing you along. Forget it, go NC, build your life again and don't play games!

OK so a little update...
She IMs me and on Lunar New Years night she calls me right at 12am to wish me a happy new years (we're Asians)
So we talked normally and stuff... casual talk..
Then I told her I want to explain myself.. so I did.. then a while after I finished.. she told me again that she misses me, told her in return too.
Then we said our gnights

The very next day
She IMs me and it was pretty normal because she was asking me for help on her Organic Chemistry... because of the midterm the very next day. Kept it going talked kind of for quit a bit... then I told her ima go to sleep now then she suddenly asks if I can wake her up 6:45 in the morning.
And I did

Hey The Z Guy,

I think that was not a wise move-- all you are doing is playing a game and will not find a good ending- you will just get hurt.

When you get ready to go NC, that's when you will move forward-- until then you will be in a limbo--hanging and dangling around just the way she likes it at her call... not a good place to be if you ask me...

Well I don't wait for her call...
I was already asleep
When she called I asnwered because it like a habit of mine
So I thought it was a good chance for me to explain myself