I just finally saw her and realized I was fine enough to move on either way. I know when she's playing games but she keeps saying how this time apart has made her realize what went wrong... that we needed our own personalities again. She see's I've calmed way down and have gotten back to myself and am fine with that.

I still don't contact her first, and ignore some of the texts. I did want to see her before I left and she basically begged me so I caved. You know how it is. One day, moment, hour, minute, you're strong but then you feel the opposite way later.

I felt OK being around her, settled some business, let her have her own life right now and am doing my own thing. Even after seeing her, I feel fine in the fact that it could go either way (as fine as I could be I suppose).

She went to see a movie, and cried because it reminded her of me. She's been kind of a wreck since I left so I'm still half-way talking to her but in the way that I've moved on with my life you know. She see's that, knows that in this short time I've come to terms with it. I felt fine being around her and all those mixed emotions are starting to settle down now that I see her life isn't so great and how much promise mine has.

I can't take her back even if she wanted me to unless she came to some serious changes and realizations. I guess I felt the strength from the fact that in the next 3 weeks I won't even be able to be around her and will always be working on myself.

Seeing how she hasn't changed made me feel a good bit better. Starting Friday the no-contact thing will be basically forced anyway.

I've just never been a and even if I want to, I can't. I just had to get back into my old self, settle down, and realize some things.

I settled a lot of business with her and she knows I'm moving on. I don't even want to be in a relationship with her at this point anyway.

My feelings have totally started to settle down in the past few days and had to stop listening to so much advice and listen to myself... which made everything come into focus. Now I'm not sitting there by the phone, or hoping she's going to take me back anyway... I'm just being myself and she realizes her part in my life is fading... she's trying to keep it now but I'm the one letting go at this point.

That's great! Sounds like you have broken free of those chains and are now ready to live happily again. I wish you the best!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by nike 1

That's great! Sounds like you have broken free of those chains and are now ready to live happily again. I wish you the best!

---

Thanks! I had no idea I had enough strength to even get to this point... but I had to really just stop listening to everything and everyone... and most importantly STOP listening to her.

I took everything she gave me or reminded me of her and put it FAR away... then I re-arranged my apartment the way I would have wanted it (not how she had me do it), then I got a lot of new clothes... found out again what I liked and not what she wanted me to like.

I picked up playing guitar again and listening to a lot of music. I realized that I could love myself more then I could love her.

I met new people, and realized that more people have more to offer and I rather be in a relationship with myself or be my own best friend then allow someone like her to control that.

It feels GOOD today! I will always love her, and I may have a bad day here and there but wow have things started to settle and come into focus! That first bit was such a blur of craziness!

Sorry I have to say this though. SO you won't mind when she starts sleeping with someone else and she is still talking to you now and again.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by inertia

Sorry I have to say this though. SO you won't mind when she starts sleeping with someone else and she is still talking to you now and again.

---

Of course that isn't going to make me feel great by any means. I expect this though sooner or later. By the time she hops into another relationship (which if you honestly knew her, you'd believe me when I say it wouldn't be anytime within the next few months at least) the contact will of probably faded so much that it's not going to seriously crush me.

Who says I wouldn't be sleeping with someone else by then as well? Not that that's on my agenda by any means but I may be the one moving on sooner then she will.

She's very conservative and never slept around in the first place. One of the biggest problems she's always had in her relationships was the fact that she doesn't just "put out." (I know a couple of her ex's and I've had my own experience with her).

We are all going to have to get used to the idea of our ex's sleeping with other people... I have older ex's that I could not care less about who they're sleeping with at this point. She will be one of them sooner or later.

Also to add to that- the next guy who sleeps with her is also going to have to take all the same crap I did for years and I'll feel a bit of pity for him.

I love her to death and still see all her great qualities but she has some serious anger problems that I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy at times.

When I "woke up" from putting her on a pedestal (only because she left ME) I realized why I was such a d*ck to her... she deserved it right back.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ascetic0

She of course says "please just be my friend, i need it right now" and other similar things.

---

That is her problem, not yours. Why should you give a damn what she needs right now? She obviously put herself in this position. Let her deal with it on her own.

Me and my (ex)girlfriend of 5 years broke up in the middle of December. She broke up with me (then took me back, then we both quit after a fight). For now we're still friends and still talk daily. I'm taking it better than I thought even though I am not fully over her. She is also throwing out phrases like "if we get back together..." and "what would happen if we did get back together?" also things like "I dont think its over and its hard to let you leave sometimes".

Yesterday she busted into tears in the car telling me how much she misses me.

Here is the thing. I know she could wait a year before "taking me back" and she'll hold out as long as possible so I'm sure she will probably start dating other people before then (so my hope isn't very high obviously). No matter what she says I try to ignore it and move on.

Over the weekend though I met a very beautiful, attractive girl who I spent a couple days with and she has confessed to being (very) interested in me. I like her personality and she is a lot of fun to be around (did I mention how pretty this girl was yet?).

I know the advice: don't rebound... but has anyone honestly followed this advice? I thought about just being friends with this new girl and see where it leads but the short time we did spend together was pretty good and I'd like to see more of her.

I know my ex would totally freak out. She still freaks out about things that shouldn't bother "friends"... even if its something small. I also don't want to be disrespectful to her. What should I do?

Enjoy getting to know the new lady, even meet more new ladies and become socialable and you won't have to worry about what you ex thinks all the time.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Enjoy getting to know the new lady, even meet more new ladies and become socialable and you won't have to worry about what you ex thinks all the time.

---

It's really brought up my confidence with all the new attention I've been getting from other women (I also lost a good bit of weight from the breakup which doesn't hurt). I at least know I can date attractive girls still. My only issue is that I actually do want to be friends with my ex (we were always good friends and we're very open with eachother) and since I do still have a close friendship with her, she will easily find out when I start dating someone new (I won't tell her but I won't lie either). She's a pretty sensitive girl and I am just not looking forward to what this is going to bring out in her... but you know, it is my life now (mine only) so I guess she should just have to deal with it. I just feel like it's a bit disrespectful this early.

I'll take it as a friendship first and see where it goes I suppose.

Key: Two months for every year.

It's just a key but you really do need time to find out who you are without that other person.

You need to back the hell away from your ex. You are being her girlfriend right now. Been there, done that. Relationship that lasted over 6 years.

You have no reason to talk to her daily. You can still be friends, tho' that can muck up your mind, but stop being there all the time. There's no reason for it. Right now you are her mental butler, her girlfriend... take a hard step back for both of your sakes.

You need to feel what its like to be without her... because you ARE without her... and she needs to feel what it really means to be without you, but she Isn't without you now.

Rebound relationship... this is a tough one... I think the best you can do is be completely open and honest with this girl. I've hurt two great women after two big crashes and burns and I never thought of it as rebound... I just jumped in, felt better, but then got caught up in all the mental noise that wasn't settled...

So... if you've met someone you'd like to spend time with, fine. Id just be careful about how fast things go.

I started dating my wife during a potential rebound period... I caused a lot of noise and mess that I wish we didn't have to deal with. In the end, we were able to work through things and eventually became married... but, like I said, prior to that, in my experience, dating too soon usually lead to my having my head up my arse and hurting a good woman I never wanted to hurt.

If you can't step hard away from the ex, you aren't mentally broken up. I have great friends I don't talk to everyday... you don't need to have her support everyday or support her everyday. You both are wallowing in this in-between that will get you nowhere.

I did that for over a year with my ex. In the end it just left me more frustrated, with more mental baggage to sort through before I had half a clue again.

You might be different... but that's my experience.

Leave the ex alone, and date and have some fun. It doesn't have to be that serious this early on.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ascetic0

Me and my (ex)girlfriend of 5 years broke up in the middle of December. She broke up with me (then took me back, then we both quit after a fight). For now we're still friends and still talk daily. I'm taking it better than i thought even though I am not fully over her. She is also throwing out phrases like "if we get back together..." and "what would happen if we did get back together?" also things like "I dont think its over and its hard to let you leave sometimes".


Yesterday she busted into tears in the car telling me how much she misses me.

---

I read to here and immediatelly thought, "she's telling him whatever she has to to keep his hopes up.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ascetic0

Here is the thing. I know she could wait a year before "taking me back" and she'll hold out as long as possible so I'm sure she will probably start dating other people before then

---

And then the very next paragrahp started with that. I think you see what I see. Your ex is playing around with you and keeping you as a back up. I think what happened was your ex broke up with you, and suddenly she got hit in the face with the reality of not having you around. Then you got back together and she realized she could keep you around while she looks around herself. If she really wanted to get back together, she wouldn't be saying, "if and when" but rather, "what do I have to do to make this happen." She's not, and quite honestly, after giving her 5 years, you've earned the right to be treated better then this. Let her learn the hard way, your emotions are not be played with. Date the new girl take it slow, don't feel guilty and have fun. You've earned it.