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Originally Posted by aaron sinclair

we had been dating for about 9 months. We loved each other despite the obstacles.The past few months though I have been having second thoughts because she is too young-she does stupid things when she drinks (she cheated once, and also is always trying to get acceptance from ex's)I tried to forgive her, but just couldn't trust her. Then she started to ask me about getting married and have kids. I told her that with our age difference that was nuts. Anyway, is this simply behavior of a 19 year old girl? with this age difference, am I just crazy to think it could ever work out?

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I don't think there is anything wrong with dating young girl as long as she's legal.We all know and I am sure the OP know what he's in for. If you're just playing the field then you got to expect the outcome. If you can take the pain when she dumps you then stick around.

The question he's asking is "is it wrong?". I am sure he know it wouldn't work.

Well I am confused by the OP statements because he said he loves her but only wants to hang out with her so this could be leading her on especially since he knows how she acts.

Age does matter to a degree. I am 28 and my fiancé is 36. Now I don't think I could date someone that is 18 because we would be in different places as far as lifes goes. I would be settle mines while they're just exploring theirs. I need someone who is settle in their life always and who is mature enough to be in a relationship. At 40 he done experience things that she didn't so sometimes you have to let people go. Let her go and explore her life.

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Originally Posted by liz28

Let her go and explore her life.

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He doesn't have to. I wouldn't be surprised if he posts here later down the road asking us why he got dumped.:)

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Originally Posted by aaron sinclair

we had been dating for about 9 months. We loved each other despite the obstacles.The past few months though I have been having second thoughts because she is too young-she does stupid things when she drinks (she cheated once, and also is always trying to get acceptance from ex's)I tried to forgive her, but just couldn't trust her. Then she started to ask me about getting married and have kids. I told her that with our age difference that was nuts. Anyway, is this simply behavior of a 19 year old girl? with this age difference, am I just crazy to think it could ever work out?

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A friend of mine, and she's a real gone chick, is dating a 35 year old when she's 22. I'm 23 and have wanted her since I was 15. She's dating this dude because during early summer of '08 she walked out on her ugly boyfriend of four years. In fact, after one month of dating the older dude she left him to go back to her ex, whom she immediately broke up with, and after a few short days of being alone she went back to the middle-ager... and he took her back! You can tell it's a terminal relationship because they try to make it as public as possible, it's so phony.

From the way you talk it sounds like you're in a similar situation, espcecially with the "acceptence from exes", again, she's probably trying to make them jealous, what 19 year old can compete with someone who's got a job, car and likely a house too?

So yeah, it's all crazy talk, have fun but don't get attached.

I don't understand what the 19 year old sees in the 40 year old UNLESS he has something to offer that someone her own age doesn't have. Some women are into power, money, material things, gifts or just general maturity - if OP has any of those things. I can see why he wants a 19 year old on his arm. This particular 19 year old I'm having a problem understanding.

There were certainly times in my life when I dated much older men because "men" my age were busy high fiving each other, passing out drunk, seeing if they can score, comparing their scores, making crude suggestions in public places and calling women "chicks." An older man has gone through that stage and I found was, in general, much more stable.

Of course, when his children are older than you are there can be problems -

She could be having a lousy relationship with her father, and put you into that role. Whatever the reason, I wouldn't get to attached, as the drama may be more than this fun is worth.

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Originally Posted by aaron sinclair

I agree with you-I am not the one who wants the serious commitment. I just want to date and hang out with someone. She has the fantasy about marriage and kids. Thanks for you responses. Aaron

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There's your answer... :)

What's to work out?
Ultimately, you both want different things from the relationship.

If this is just for a spin around the block than you can have fun together but in the long term someone's wishes will not be granted.

The issues with this relationship are not worth it! There is over 20 years difference here (being the obvious) you are a generation apart. And all that a generation entails.
And if you start in this much turmoil, things are only going to get worse.
And frankly, all 19 year olds are good for to a 40 year old, (hell, I'm 25, and all they're good for to me) is physical. They haven't experienced enough of life to be truly significant and sustainable companions.
Save yourself...

Thanks for all your comments. I do love her-but the dishonesty and cheating at any age should be a red flag-I guess I tried to forgive her behavior because of her age. She has some issue here.

She isn't the only female in your town is she??

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Originally Posted by talaniman

She isn't the only female in your town is she???

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No, and we are not together anymore.

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Originally Posted by aaron sinclair

Thanks for all your comments. I do love her-but the dishonesty and cheating at any age should be a red flag-I guess I tried to forgive her behavior because of her age. She has some issue here.

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SOME issues? Sounds more like she has an entire news stand.

I'm 25 and my hubby is 35... we have been together for 5 years now... its not perfect but we always work things out... on the other hand 19 and 40 this is a big gap in between she practically just became an adult and still likes to party with her friends and bug out... I don't know if she's just messing with you, do u always by her stuff?. spoil her? This can always be a case... but u I know ready to settle down.. did u know eachothers age when u met?

No, I didn't buy her stuff-at first my age bothered her. Many of her friends and family said she was nuts-and of course were wondering what was wrong with me. She just accepted it, but I don't think I ever truly did.

Aaron,

What do you like about her beside the physical attraction?

I like the way she...
Doesn't let small obstacles in life break her down
Wants to go to Africa and help
Writes songs
Encourages me in anything I wish to do
Won't let me get out of bed without cuddling(corny?)
Her cat-like nudging for another kiss
... just a few

I think it can't work and that's why you are on here.
Deep down you know it.

I am sure you are very in love, but she has not gone through final stages of development so you cannot even judge what you have now.

It's not that there is 21 years between you. It's that where the 21 years are. If she were 30 and you were 51 I'd say you had a chance. She needs at least 4-5 more years to know who she is.. And you cannot be her identity... unfortunately.

Yeah, I wish I had the maturity to have realized this sooner. All too often I don't think things through

Hey SBohs,


We live and learn as long as you learn something out of this experience you'll do better next time. At one point I thought I was invincible, I could never fall in love with my ex but when she left it hurt like an SOB. Love, it grows on you so be sure you're with the right one otherwise you'll get hurt.