Ask Me Help Desk - Having a hard time deciding

We all have bad days dude. Last night I was driving home from a buddies house and just started to think about everything that I did to and she did to ruin the relationship. I even thought about how good it was and all of that. I have only spoke to my ex twice in the last 3.5 months. I'm still a little down this morning, but it's the weekend, and it's going to be good. So, just keep plugging away.

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Almost 2 and half months of NC and today had to be one of the hardest days of NC.I was thinking about her all day even cried a little, shouldn't I be over her already.

8 years is a long time to be with someone... therefore you can only expect to take a long time getting over her.

Is there light at the end of the tunnel? Absolutely!! You just have to work and go through some struggles to get there. I was with my ex for 3.5 years... and I still think about her sometimes and have bad days.

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I think that today has to be the first time in the last couple of months where I have really missed her, even though I think about her everyday today was different.

You will eventually start thinking about her less and less. Now most of the time (except when I have a bad day) I maybe think about my ex for a second, then something else pops in my head, like weekend plans, some girl I met the other day, work, money, trips, etc. The key to success is to get busy, make plans, have fun, and talk to other girls. Just doing these things will keep you occupied and help you not think about her. Eventually you will get used to not thinking about her so much. As a result you will start feeling a lot better.

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I wanted to give her a call but I know she is not the same person that I use to love.

Once you really and truly realize this 100%, you path to healing will be much clearer and a little easier because, you will fully commit your mind and heart to moving on. This will also show itself if you try to be friends with her. In order to be friends, you have to wipe the slate clean, and basically see her as a person you never met before and build this new kind of relationship from the ground up. That's why many people can be friends with the ex, the feelings are still there and get in the way.

The best thing for you is to disappear from her life and work on getting your own life back.
Be strong!!! You will make it through just like we all have!!

So tonight I was talking to a friend of mine, he said he heard from an old roommate of ours ( me and my ex) that she was going out of the country for a couple of years, and that she had talked to him( roommate) for a couple of hours.

My question is should I call this roommate of ours and ask him what else did she talk about?

I also have this urge to contact my ex, now that she is leaving the country for a couple of years.

This absolutely kills me on two counts ,
We had talked about moving out of the country before we had broken up

Second she kind use to like this roommate of ours and she told me about it, and now she is talking to him for a couple of hours.

I knows its none of my business what she is doing, but I am probably going to fell like sh-- now for at least a couple of weeks.

I don't understand what you expect to accomplish by calling her and talking to her...

No. Why talk to her? You know what is going on. Don't continue to search for little tid bits of her life. It is going to hurt immensely. The plans you made with her no longer exist.

You have to try and move beyond what you and her were supposed to do together and do what you need to do now (NC, have fun, meet new people). You need more time to heal, that is understandable, but the next time your friends decide to bring her up, tell them you don't want to talk about it and not to bring her up again.

I made a pact with my friends to not bring up my ex AT ALL. They don't, and I will tell you, it feels a lot better not knowing what she is doing than it does knowing. That's what you need to do.

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Originally Posted by Dare81

So tonight i was talking to a friend of mine, he said he heard from an old roommate of ours ( me and my ex) that she was going out of the country for a couple of years, and that she had talked to him( roommate) for a couple of hours.

My question is should i call this roommate of ours and ask him what else did she talk about?

I also have this urge to contact my ex, now that she is leaving the country for a couple of years.

This absolutely kills me on two counts ,
We had talked about moving out of the country before we had broken up

Second she kind use to like this roommate of ours and she told me about it, and now she is talking to him for a couple of hours.

I knows its none of my business what she is doing, but i am probably going to fell like sh-- now for at least a couple of weeks.

Therein lies the danger of finding out anything that has to do with the ex until we are fully healed. I'm with jmw on this one, don't contact her. The only thing that can happen here is an emotional setback for you - no good can come of this. Do not contact this roommate of yours asking for more details, again that will only hurt you further.

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I knows its none of my business what she is doing, but I am probably going to fell like sh-- now for at least a couple of weeks.

That's up to you since you have been around long enough to know to get busy and focus on real stuff that matters, not the fluff and stuff of the past.

Come on guy, you don't want to be miserable for weeks.

You guyz are right. I guess I panicked a little bit last night after hearing about her.Contacting my old roommate or her is only going to set me back.

I will keep on doing NC.

Here is some more update on my situation.

My ex decides to sent me a friend's invite on face book.She never use to any of these online social networking websites.

Should I accept, or deny it?

I would say no. That's just going to open you up to getting bits of info about her life again. And from experience, I've had exes on my Facebook, and when I still had feelings for them, it became an almost obsession the check their site all the time. I finally deleted them for my own sanity!

Denied and keep going

Do not do that to yourself. This is time for you to see what else is out there. There will possibly be a time in the future when you can be "friends" but not now. It's WAY too soon for that.

The only thing Facebook and MySpace will do for you right now, is crush your spirit and your heart by allowing you to update yourself on her "new situation".

Stick with NC.

So its been I guess 9 months or 10 of NC, my ex calls me today and says she has some of my graduation stuff and my clothes at her parents house, and she wants to know what to do with it.For the last 5 or 6 months I have been doing great, have thought about my ex a whole lot, but today has been pretty bad,am I ever going to get over my ex?

You will get over her. You have to remember that being with someone for 8 years is a long time. It is going to take a long time for you to heal from this loss. Be patient with yourself and stay strong.

It's days like today when calling up a good friend and hanging out works wonders. If nobody is around, go to the gym, run, or do something else physical to boost your mood. Go for a bike ride, go fishing, do something to relax and open your eyes up to the REAL world around you... not the cold world of loneliness that you may be seeing right now. The world and life are full of good things. You need to seek them out.

It will take time to fill that hole in your soul.

HINT-Volunteer, or learn a new skill.

So I finally called her back. Talked for a few minutes ,the conversation was short, I told her I had to go somewhere and got off the phone.Asked her how her move to india was going.and she was like how did you find out I never told you this, did you find out from the mutual friend.I said no, you had told me this a long time ago.Anyways I Was talking to this mutual friends of ours and he told me she was asking him why I was telling me about her.He obviously didn't and said he had never said anything about her to me.. She also told him to never say anything about her to me

Anyway long story short I am not sure what her obsession with me is.Who cares if I know that she is moving to India.For the last 9 to 10 months I have never called her, never talked about her with any of our mutual friends.She was the one who broke up with me and now it looks like she has a hard time moving on.

Anyway I am glad I did the whole NC thing.Even though I am not totally over her, I have come along way in these 9 months. Thank you guys and girls for helping me out

Glad to see you're doing well. It will be a only a manner of time before you are to a point where you will be able to totally let go.

Update,

Have been thinking about her a lot lately, Probably cause I have a lot of free time on my hands.I thought she would be out of my system already.Arghhhh!
Back to working out and voluntering.That always helps.

You will have times like that. All of those memories will pass. It is hard to forget it all and leave it in the past, but as more time goes by, you will recover.

UPDATE!

I think its almost a year and half now since the break up, things are back to normal, functioning like a normal human being now.Dated other people, didn't work out. When I first started nc I thought I would never make it through but I did, thanks to all the people on here.

That's great news-here's wishing you all the best and a happy life!