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Originally Posted by talaniman

Work harder to do better things for yourself. I know its not easy, nothing you want in life is.

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I know this is true. I COULD do better things for myself. It seems I have been in this circling drain... not going forward, not going back... It is so hard to not punish myself for failing, even though I know I tried so very hard. I am not perfect. I know I have my faults also, but my faults do not involve lying, cheating or deceiving. It has been a year. I know exactly what I need to do. EXACTLY. I am having such a hard time making myself do it!

This isn't about failing. Just because the relationship didn't work out, doesn't mean that you FAILED. Most times, relationships just don't work out, period. When things fall apart, it is so something better can be built, with new and stronger materials. You need to get yourself off the pity train and move yourself forward. Life is waiting, so hop on and get moving!

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Originally Posted by kctiger

This isn't about failing. Just because the relationship didn't work out, doesn't mean that you FAILED. Most times, relationships just don't work out, period. When things fall apart, it is so something better can be built, with new and stronger materials. You need to get yourself off of the pity train and move yourself forward. Life is waiting, so hop on and get moving!

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You people are wonderful! Thank you for the encouragement. Quick question. If someone can move on so quickly (like him) with so many other women, does it mean he didn't love me? I already know the answer. No, he did not. Not REALLY.

Has nothing to do with him loving you. People cope with separation different ways, and some people cling emotionally or physically to others soon after a break up because they feel they need that support. My ex did the same thing, but ended up being hurt by the guy she did it with. He loved you, no doubt... people just react differently to situations like this.

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Originally Posted by Christy luv

If someone can move on so quickly (like him) with so many other women, does it mean he didn't love me? I already know the answer. No, he did not. Not REALLY.

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Hello again, C:

You can't ever know what's going on in somebody's else's head. Besides, it has NOTHING to do with you, anyway...

My EX didn't like it when I looked at women... Now, I was never blatant about it cause I didn't want to embarrass her, but I sure got my looks in.

Does that mean I didn't love her?? What?? SHE, of course, thought it did... In fact, that's the stupidest thing in the world for a chick to think. But, it's like looking at cars. I'll always check out a cool looking car.

I know chicks think that way, but I Don't know why. If chicks UNDERSTOOD men a little better, they wouldn't do that..

In fact, it was her CONSTANT accusations that I DIDN'T love her, that caused me to leave...

All this boils down to, is how long are you going to beat yourself up about it?? And, WHY should you?? Did YOU do something?? I don't think YOU did. You just had unfulfilled expectations...

So, we better STOP this stuff, or I'm going to have to send you a bill.

excon

Your putting way too much focus on his feelings, and doing yourself a big injustice, as your more worried about him than you.

Self pity and guilt, are not going to help, so adjust your thinking to being good to yourself and doing things that make you happy.

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Originally Posted by excon

Hello again, C:

You can't ever know what's going on in somebody's else's head. Besides, it has NOTHING to do with you, anyway...

My EX didn't like it when I looked at women... Now, I was never blatant about it cause I didn't want to embarrass her, but I sure got my looks in.

Does that mean I didn't love her????? What????? SHE, of course, thought it did... In fact, that's the stupidest thing in the world for a chick to think. But, it's like looking a cars. I'll always check out a cool looking car.

I know chicks think that way, but I DUNNO why. If chicks UNDERSTOOD men a little better, they wouldn't do that..

In fact, it was her CONSTANT accusations that I DIDN'T love her, that caused me to leave....

All this boils down to, is how long are you going to beat yourself up about it??? And, WHY should you???? Did YOU do something???? I don't think YOU did. You just had unfulfilled expectations....

So, we better STOP this stuff, or I'm gonna have to send you a bill.

excon

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It is not a question of "it being my business". THAT is not what I was asking. I was asking about behavior. I realize that it does not matter where you look at the menu as long as you come home to eat. I am not unrealistic like that. I, too... LOOK. There is a difference between looking at a beautiful woman (normal) and scamming on every woman you possibly can, then acting...
The bottom line here is... I NEED TO FORGET ABOUT IT AND MOVE ON...
Also, I have read the book, "women are from Venous and men are from Mars." I understand somewhat male behaviors and how they look at things... I am not a complete idiot, just betrayed and hurt. It is so hurtful to realize you meant nothing to someone.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Your putting way to much focus on his feelings, and doing yourself a big injustice, as your more worried about him than you.

Self pity and guilt, are not going to help, so adjust your thinking to being good to yourself and doing things that make you happy.

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I know, I know... I hear you. Sorry if my pain sounds like self pity to you. Don't know what to tell you there. I wish I could just stop loving like you say I should. My, wouldn't life be much similar?

Christy, you are completely normal in getting through this. I know it hurts. It takes A LOT of time, that's all. I am sure he cared about you, but just rushed into another relationship really quickly... but hey, that is how he chose to handle this.

I know it is hard not to take things like this personally, but trust me, it isn't any knock on you...

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Originally Posted by Christy luv

I know, I know.......I hear you. Sorry if my pain sounds like self pity to you. Don't know what to tell you there. I wish I could just stop loving like you say I should. My, wouldn't life be much similar?

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Sorry... wouldn't life be much more SIMPLE?

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Originally Posted by kctiger

Christy, you are completely normal in getting through this. I know it hurts. It takes A LOT of time, that's all. I am sure he cared about you, but just rushed into another relationship really quickly...but hey, that is how he chose to handle this.

I know it is hard not to take things like this personally, but trust me, it isn't any knock on you...

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Thank you for being so kind. I appreciate it. Maybe I am not crazy after all. They say it takes 3 months for every year you were with someone to heal. That means I should be coming up on my time soon. I don't know... I am better than a year ago, but to be honest... I am not sure I will ever be the same.

Time has nothing to do with this. It takes how ever long it takes. I am nearly on month four, and I still have VERY weak moments where I get really sad. It is all good though. I am moving forward, and so are you, even if you cannot see it. Remember, this is a marathon, not a sprint. Keep moving forward, as it will get better. All that matters is YOU, and YOU enjoying YOUR life.

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Originally Posted by kctiger

Time has nothing to do with this. It takes how ever long it takes. I am nearly on month four, and I still have VERY weak moments where I get really sad. It is all good though. I am moving forward, and so are you, even if you cannot see it. Remember, this is a marathon, not a sprint. Keep moving forward, as it will get better. All that matters is YOU, and YOU enjoying YOUR life.

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You are very cool. Do you have a Myspace? Would love to see what you look like. You can look at my page... email... [email protected]

Sure, here is my pic!

Pic of Me

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Originally Posted by kctiger

Sure, here is my pic!

Pic of Me

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LOL... very hot! Thanks for making me smile...

I am the resident jokester on this website, as too often do people get really serious around here... glad you could appreciate it! ;)