Ask Me Help Desk - Guys are visual- but this seems wrong!

April and everyone else,

Thank you so much. The insecurity, even when you try to hide it, comes out with me being tense and not as lighthearted as usual etc..

To add.. I am a widow and lost the love of my life to a tragic accident. It has been very hard for me to trust and believe again. I think that is a part of it also. I am so used to the unconditional and solid love that I had before. I am just getting used to something new and wishing it was more perfect and I didn't have to deal with this.

Please don't just accept what appears to be love so you are not lonely. There are so many guys that simply take advantage of a girl until something better comes along. It doesn't sound like you have a solid enough relationship with this guy to trust him enough yet. Don't let your heart or emotions guide you. Follow your intuition and listen to it above the heart and emotions.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rogers5874

April and everyone else,

Thank you so much. The insecurity, even when you try to hide it, comes out with me being tense and not as lighthearted as usual etc..

To add .. I am a widow and lost the love of my life to a tragic accident. It has been very hard for me to trust and believe again. I think that is a part of it also. I am so used to the unconditional and solid love that I had before. I am just getting used to something new and wishing it was more perfect and I didn't have to deal with this.

I am sorry for your loss and losing the love of your life is not by any means something you will get over ever. Time will make it easier to wake up and face the day; be strong and sure. If you are unhappy in the relationship as a whole and find yourself still coping with the loss maybe your not ready to move on with this new man. Good men are hard to find and even good men have their faults. No one will substantiate the void that your previous love filled and there will always be an ache and joy in your heart for him... always move in the direction of your heart, that is what your deceased loved one would want for you... to be happy. I know Nohelp4u said follow your intuition and I believe that the intuition is a guide for the heart since it is true and never works against you but rather in your favor... it is true, not to follow your emotions... they can be altered by many things including your misconceptions.

You are trying to hard to replace what you had, and can't fully accept what you have now, is different.

Not only do you need more healing time for yourself, your pushing things way to fast to be healthy, and expect an awful lot from a virtual stranger, even though your having sex.

You better slow things down, and relax, or you will poison this relationship. You also need to be communicating and learning each others language, and ways.

I just don't see you as being ready for this step yet. Sorry.

He is probably just checking out what women look like. Like do I know anyone on here sort of thing. Just nosy that's all. If he tries to contact anyone, then there is a problem. He could be comparing your personality and traits to what others want to say they are. I would worry more if he hides it than if he lets you know about it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rogers5874

I just came home and my BF was looking up single hot girls on myspace and checking out their pics in bikinis. He even typed in our zipcode- so they are close by. I am 32 and he was looking at 21-30. Guys- is this normal? I am soo upset, I can't believe someone would do this or why

Yes, this is normal, you even said yourself guys are visual.