Then you wait until the uncertainty, becomes a lot clearer, and focus on your own studies.
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Then you wait until the uncertainty, becomes a lot clearer, and focus on your own studies.
Stand your ground with him, and tell him until he makes a decision, you have your studies and your life to work on for your own stability and security, in case he decides to go with his mothers decision to find him a wife. Let him know when he has taken time to weigh out the consequences of either choice, then the two of you can sit down and lay everything on the table, so that neither of you are confused about whichever decision is made. You of course can let your feelings towards him be known, but also let him know that you can't live with uncertainty about your relationship forever.
For the relationship part, you cannot do anything about it. Want to know why? You're not 100% Muslim; you converted from a Christian. In a Muslim society, marriages are often arranged by parents and not by the child.Quote:
Originally Posted by complicatedlife
There are 2 solutions:
1. he breaks up with you can goes with the girl of his mothers' choice.
2. he takes you as his fiancé as well as the girl of his mothers' choice.
I suggest to break up and be friends. No drama at all.
Look at yourself. 18 and just freshly came into the adult world. I'm 20 and I have not changed someone due to religion.
And how do I know all the Muslim world?
My ancestry roots from my grandfathers' side started from ancient Middle East (Saudi Arabia) to border of Pakistan/Afghanistan/chinky china/Russia. Grandmothers' side is Taiwanese-Japanese
I agree with most... you're only 18... you've got a lot of life to live and I think you're moving just a little too fast here... especially to make the sacrifices that you are and him not doing the same...
He's going to do what his mother wants him to do... she's choosing a bride for him... better that you get out of that drama before you're hurt any worse...
And in closing... If he loves you as much as you love him, then why wouldn't he convert religions? Do you fully understand the Muslim world and religion enough to convert and put your values to the side for him?
Just some food for thought...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Guidostern
I agree completely.. you stated that one of the many reasons you decided to convert is because the religion made you feel at peace with yourself and the world around you.
Yet you state that you are suffering and struggling over the complicated dilemma that your dealing with inside. If the religion makes you so at "peace" as you say than why would you be suffering because of it?? Obviously the religion has its flaws just like any other and clearly no longer has you at peace.
Was the religion that he introduced you to so impacting to the point that you were drawn to leave behind your own values the ones that you created while growing up? The values you decided were the right ones for you before you met him?
If your not ready to marry him then don't. You don't have to do nothing you don't want to.
Secondly, your only 18 and have your own life in front of you. There are going be other guys and your going have other relationship and in each one your going learn something different from it.
But before you get involve with anyone learn about yourself. Right a list of things you seek and don't want in a guy. Don't lose yourself in any guy and don't change just for a change because if they can't accept you then guess what, you don't need them. You can do bad by yourself. Remember that and believe it and know what your getting yourself into before you get into it.
Thank you everyone this page makes life so much better! Im so happy that people I don't know are willing to help me without judging me! :)
If he loves you he will wait for you, so there is no hurry to get married. As for your conversionn it sounds like you converted because he wanted you too, just my opinion.Quote:
Originally Posted by complicatedlife
Hi there, I am a muslim and I think that if your man loves you , then the right thing to do is for his mum to be happy for him and treat you like her daughter! FULL STOP. No way would a good muslim parent look for another girl, when her son is in love- especially if that girl has converted to Islam. The fact is you have put a huge effort for yourself and for your man and future family- that should speak volumes of respect from your man and his family. PERIOD. They should welcom ethat with happiness and love. FULL STOP.
I am sure his mum is supported well in her country- I am sure your man can send additional support for his mum from where he is right now. His mum can always come and visit as often as she wants where you guys are living as well. So I am sure you both can work around all of this. The important thing is to develop good understanding between you and your man and good friendship with his mother and the family.
A good muslim parent will always encourage their children to do right and to do right by others- irrespective of who they are and what reglion they are-thus continuing with your studies would be a good thing as now adays if you ask me muslim women are much more powerful than a muslim man! Many muslim women these days are highly educated - like have 3 degrees (much more than a muslim man!), have good jobs, fully independent and somehow run the house single handly- and still look great with all the designer gear on and will tell her man how she wants the house run! Yes that is the 21st century muslim chick! And guess what!- there is no sin in doing that in the religion- or any religion for that matter. Gone are the days where the muslim woman does what the muslim man does! If you look around you will see more and more that it is the muslim wife that runs the show and muslim husbands will obey well, live well and respect their partner! The muslim wife will of course let the muslim man feel he is running the show = good marriage! And it does work v well from what I have seen.
Islam is all about way of living, being compassionate, modest and good -in fact it is a v basic simple religion- if you just read the quran.What makes it all complicated is all the crap about the society- that is all driven my men- who are weak and just make rules to suit them. My suggestion is to ignore all that crap!
The most imporatnt thing for you to do- is explain what you want to your man, and so he can then explain this to his mum and then take things from there.
If he starts giving you all that about his mum wants this and that- then he is not the right man as he is not standing up for you, in turn nor will his family. In that case leave him NOW as he is too narrow minded to appreciate you and the life you both could have- which can be v western and muslim at the same time.
Good luck!
One thing I have to say is for a muslim person to choose a non muslim person who has converted to muslim - both partners have to be very open-minded individuals and essentially be able to take all the good in both religions and put it together to suit you both. This will require a bit more work than most relationships, but if you both love each other- then you will find a cool way and it will be worth it. The result of this will be what the families will see. That is all they need to see actually. That is a win - win situation for you both. If either of you cannot do this- then sorry to say that it will be v hard for the relationship to work as you guys will always have religion issues which will come in the way and mask the actual problems that you may come across.
My advice would be is to continue with your studies. That is a must.
Perhaps after meeting the family and if all is good- consider all long engagment- set the year for the wedding.
Your wedding should be set such that you can finish your studies + 1-2 years of full time work- thus when you get married you have a good education and a good job behind you- i.e. your independent- v important.
During this long engagement it will give you and your man to learn about the religion- yes he will have to learn as well.. in fact one is always learning about religion till they die. So don't assume your man knows it all because he was born with it- in fact the ones that convert tend to know more! You will also get the chance to really get to know his family and vice versa- even thou your family are christian- his family should respect that and find many common grounds and so both sides can create good communication and respect.
Good luck hope the above was helpful
I'm also dating a muslim and we have been together for a year. I also love him and believe he is the love of my life. We love each other very much. If there are certain things you don't agree, then set your terms in the beginning as I have and if he loves you and wants to be with you, then he will respect them. He has never requested me to convert and will always keep my religion and will respect theirs. Muslim's accept Christianity and if you converted only for him, you didn't need to.
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