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Originally Posted by talaniman

Did you ever consider someone might have told him to go NO CONTACT with you, so he could heal???

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Once again I will ask this question - Is it different when it comes to male and female in a relationship? I know everyone is not the same and people are different which makes everyone unique but when it come to feeling when a guy just make his mind to forget a girl and made his mind really hard insite of the love that was once there - and he wants to get out of a relationship can anything (incl memories) or anyone make him stay? Or remember the good times.

Sometimes I think its easy for guys, in my situation its easily for my "EX" because he was in other serious relationship before me (he was my 1st serious and whom I gave my all to) so that's y its hard for rme and not him...

I thank you all for the feeback-I honestly read it over aver for reassurace, I read it on my way to work, every time I have I just come on and read... but To sum it up everyone told me NO CONTACT - MY MOM even told not to destroy my life over one day - and he talks down to me.

I understand the whole no calling thing, but at the same time if Do u think if I don't call/ no contact fr me, will actually make him see that he's better off without me (as he think) & and feel like I was a load lift offer his shoulder. I remember once we got back together after a break up and he told me it was his mistake for getting back because I am still qurstioning him and he started not care/thinking about me (was over me) and then we had gotten back together) - I feel like you guys don't think I understand, I just want to let you know I do understand but at the same time I am scared of the obvious that he will just move on so quick (wat guys do) and not worry about me/mylife-Carryin on with his talking to girls like he's doing now (adding all girls on his fb and talking to girls)

I know I can't force him and I need to c that and just understand that I will find someone who will love me and adore me just for being me and I don't have to try hard at that it will come natural, nevertheless I am just drown in the fact that I had committed so much to him and the relationship. I always wanted to be with one person for the long run and have something that would last 4ver... How do I make it as easy as it is for me to understand that this wasn't something that was meant to be and that God's have something better in store of me?

Once again, I sencerely thank you guys all for listening and for the feeback AT the moment I am truly living for this and it what holds me together. I feel like my world is falling apart. Because my ex would tell my that he know I don't care nor love it... when I know how much I do. I just get to get my heart and my head straight.

THANK U EVERYONE AND PLEASE PLEASE UR COMMENT/FEEDBACK.

Hey again,

You want to know if he's getting over you if your not contacting him, right?

Simple, who cares.

Stop worrying about him and what he's doing, it's really none of your business, get rid of the Facebook and myspace crap, it's useless and just hurtful to you now I'm sure, so stop hurting yourself by going through his stuff, and thinking about him constantly. You wouldn't stab yourself with a knife would you? (Don't answer this :p ) Exactly, so stop doing it emotionally.

If he's seeing some one else already, this should give you even more insight to move on with your life, and realize that it's over, basically it sucks to say is, you know why he'll call you now? Because things with the new girl didn't work out too well, and that's hard to say but please, please, stand up for yourself and do not let this happen to you, be stronger then that.

We're all here for you, anything you need post, and we'll try and help you.

Yours Truly,
LCM

One of the most obvious signs of emotional confusion, is when someone is more concerned with how the ex feels, than how they will cope with their own feelings.

While its normal, it will pass, as you heal. That's what NC gives you, that chance to heal, and let that emotional shock wear off, so you can see the reality of the facts, to make a decision for yourself.

That's when you can look around and decide on a plan of action for yourself, to cope with your fears, and insecurities, and confusion, of what your going through.

Its like mourning the death of someone close to you, and realizing life goes on. It takes time for us all, and some heal faster than others because they cope better than others.

And no, its no easier for guys than females, as many guys are emotional, and many females are not, so it's the same pain we all deal with.

That's probably why knowing your not alone, helps a lot, and you can get some good clues, and insights, and support, from the experience of others.

I hope that helps.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

One of the most obvious signs of emotional confusion, is when someone is more concerned with how the ex feels, than how they will cope with their own feelings.

While its normal, it will pass, as you heal. Thats what NC gives you, that chance to heal, and let that emotional shock wear off, so you can see the reality of the facts, to make a decision for yourself.

Thats when you can look around and decide on a plan of action for yourself, to cope with your fears, and insecurities, and confusion, of what your going thru.

Its like mourning the death of someone close to you, and realizing life goes on. It takes time for us all, and some heal faster than others because they cope better than others.

And no, its no easier for guys than females, as many guys are emotional, and many females are not, so its the same pain we all deal with.

Thats probably why knowing your not alone, helps a lot, and you can get some good clues, and insights, and support, from the experience of others.

I hope that helps.

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HE TEXT ME and this is what it said "Don't stop calling me, telling me and keep txt me the rude msges because thats wut keeps me away and is gonna help me out of this HELL HOLE. When u don't do all the stuff u enjoy doing. I am gonna forget all the u put me tru and start missing you and start thinking of all the good times. So Im just asking for one favour, just keep doing what ur good at. It shouldn't be too hard 4 u keep treating me like , because thats wut u do best" ----------------- That was his text to me (he thinking I am treating him bad and its my fault for the break up because he said I always been "suspicious and accusing him" when he doesn't even do anything. And I feel the opposite and I ask him to make sure he's not doing anything...

Plus I saw on his Facebook that he put "In a Complicated relationship"

What do you think about the text? And everything?

I think the same thing I have, ignore it and continue on with YOUR life

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

I think the same thing I have, ignore it and continue on with YOUR life

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Romefalls19: Sorry I didn't quite understand, when u said I think the same thing u have?

Oops, meant I think the same thing I have said before, ignore it and continue on with YOUR life

Ignore the message, don't EVER respond back. It's over.

Hun listen to me and listen to me carefully, your making yourslef look like an idiot in front of him and his friends. Who would want their ex's stalking them? Leave him alone!! You guys broke up for a reaon, his loss hun but what can ou do life goes on. You will meet somebody worth your time that you wudnt even get mad at all the ladies they chat to.

Seriously hun get over it and move on. I know its easier said then done but try thinking on the possitive side. You can start little by little and get your life back into shape. And for next time don't make a boy your 1st priority. Do not make him your life, make him a part of it.

Seriously hun smile and take all this in, you don't need this at all

Ah. I know exactly how you feel :(

Crying all night?
Can't sleep?
Just want your life to end?

Its horrible :( :( I really feel for you because I'm going through exactly the same thing atm.

I went out for drinks with my friends for new years. And I called my boy at 12 to say happy new year. And there was boys where I was.

And he broke up with me.

Apparently, I'm selfish.
Ill never change.
He hates me.
He doesn't have any love for me anymore.
He wishes I was out of his life.
I've ed this whole relationship up.

It hurts so much :( I expect you hear the same sort of thing?

I don't know how I can give you any advice because I'm struggling myself!

Its an unimaginable pain. So right now, I'm doing exactly what he wants.

Giving him space.

Its killing me but I hope that maybe he'll miss me or something.

If not... I don't know what to do anymore.

If I was you, I would talk to him. LET RIP.

Tell him every single opinion that you have on the way he treats you.

I know you love him, but see how he reacts to that.

If he reacts badly, shouts at you, gets angry at you, really think about it.

Oh and also, turn your phone off.

he's trying to manipulate you.

If you turn yours off, his attempt has been cut down.

He's playing mind games with you doll.

You may really and truly love him, in the honest sense of love,

And when you guys are good, maybe he does too.

But he's too fare weather.

If you're considering ending it?

Let all your anger out at him when you do, otherwise you'll have it bottled up for future relationships.

I really wish you the best.

I hope everything goes well xx

:O I just read that text.

HE'S A CUUXNT!!!!!!!

My god :( you poor thing!

That's exactly the sort of things that my well.. ex boyfriend says to me.

Just ignore it! Turn your phone off.

Make him pay babes :(

Poor love :(

Xx

Please tell me what do you think?. Him and I had both know his msn password, when we broke up he changed it and I reset it that I only know about.. he would constantly ask me for it and tell me that's his pw and I have no right to take it... so on New Years day... I finally give him (I didn't want to because I was scared he would talking to other girls and just go and chat... making easily for him to forget me... on the other hand I taught it was wrong because its his pw) After giving him his pw... now I feel bad that I did the wrong thing... Bcuz I am thinking he will have all the contacts and start chatting with people... Did you think I did the right thing by giving him the pw... Why/Why not?

You NEED to leave this guy alone. You really do! You are letting him control your every move, your every thought, your every waking moment... your LIFE! This is NOT healthy! He is abusing you, and you are letting him! Can't you see this? This guy is poison to you!

When he slapped you and you forgave him, you gave him the green light! The minute he laid a hand on you, THAT WAS A DEAL BREAKER! Do you want to try and get him back so he can punch you next time? Maybe he'll throw in a few broken bones just for good measure!

This guy is a figment of your imagination! He's not real! He is a guy that you have made up in your head, and decided you loved him, and he would love you, and it end up happily ever after. Well it isn't going to happen! He isn't that guy! I know it hurts like hell, but unless you get rid of this guy, you will never be happy.

You are begging for someone to love you, and you will put up with ANYTHING to get that. You need to get yourself some counseling from a qualified therapist, to try and understand why you think so little of yourself to let someone treat you this way. Don't let ANYONE control you. You need to set yourself some boundaries, and learn how to love yourself first, so you don't repeat this same behaviour with someone else.

I'm sorry you are hurting. You are definitely NOT alone! There are so many people who know exactly how you're feeling, and what you're going through... myself included. When you feel like you can't handle it and need to call or text him, come here instead! There are lots of people here that care and are willing to listen.

Your behavior was deplorable, and bet he is really PO'd at your selfish, insecure behavior. LEAVE THE GUY ALONE, and get your act together.

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Originally Posted by starbuck8

You NEED to leave this guy alone. You really do! You are letting him control your every move, your every thought, your every waking moment...your LIFE! This is NOT healthy! He is abusing you, and you are letting him! Can't you see this? This guy is poison to you!

When he slapped you and you forgave him, you gave him the green light! The minute he layed a hand on you, THAT WAS A DEAL BREAKER! Do you want to try and get him back so he can punch you next time? Maybe he'll throw in a few broken bones just for good measure!

This guy is a figment of your imagination! He's not real! He is a guy that you have made up in your head, and decided you loved him, and he would love you, and it end up happily ever after. Well it isn't going to happen! He isn't that guy! I know it hurts like hell, but unless you get rid of this guy, you will never be happy.

You are begging for someone to love you, and you will put up with ANYTHING to get that. You need to get yourself some councelling from a qualified therapist, to try and understand why you think so little of yourself to let someone treat you this way. Don't let ANYONE control you. You need to set yourself some boundaries, and learn how to love yourself first, so you don't repeat this same behaviour with someone else.

I'm sorry you are hurting. You are definitely NOT alone! There are so many people who know exactly how you're feeling, and what you're going through...myself included. When you feel like you can't handle it and need to call or text him, come here instead! There are lots of people here that care and are willing to listen.

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I just want to let you know that your answer is true.. 2day I find myself desperate... yes I do beg.. sometimes I think no one can help me and I ask myself that maybe he know that I am in this condition and that's y he dooesn't care... but I ask him if they reason he take advantage of me is because he know that I will always be here - he said it doesn't matter to him if I am here or not.. because he want me to be gone...

I am sorry... I am really disappointment in myself... but something I just feel so helpless to a point where I can't go on or do anythng properly... I am young... I KNOW I DESERVE BETTER... but I ask myself why can't I just accept thing and move on... y I am worrying that he will be with any other girl and do all the things I never wanted him to do... talk to girl... I REALLY feel so dumb... I feel stupid... I haven't had a proper meal... I never seem myself like this... I DON'T KNO WHAT I AM going to do... I pray and beg god to help me tru this.. I know I have to help myself also.. I am just sooo hurt and I can't think anybetter... I am just sooo sadden by the fact how can he not care... I was sooo into him and care, love and was committed... y did I do wrong... how can he said it was my fault... he said its all me... I am the reason why he can't be together... I cried day in and out... I lost my job yesterday... and now I really feel like I have nothing to life for... How can I possible go tru this is life... How can I be so dumb to think that me and him was going to last... I NEED TO LEAVE HIM AND BE STRONG.. I just don't know who to do how.. how to be strong and not make anything that he does bother me and get to me... I try not to check his Facebook and worry but I am curious and what to do what he doing.. IT SOOOOOOOOO CLEAR that he DOES NOT care for me... I know I am making myself a fool and I am settling for less... I just need help to move on..

Honey, you are not dumb, and you are not stupid. Get that out of your head right now! He is abusive, and even though he's not around you, he is controlling your every single move like a robot! He has stolen yourself worth and self esteem! You NEED to take your power back!

Instead of crying and missing him, you need to get mad! Get really mad! (I don't mean getting mad by doing something to physically harm him or his property) You need to stand up for yourself! You need to scream "How dare you or anyone else treat me this way, and I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT!! I want you to visualize pushing him off of the pedestal you have him on! Give him a really good shove with all of the force you have. With all of the energy you are putting into crying over him.

Then I want you to do two more things. I want you to get two notebooks. One lrg., one small. Title the small one "Poison." In that book, write down every rotten things he has ever said or done to you, how awful he made you feel, the things he took from you (your confidence, trust...etc.) This is a book to tell him everything you would like to tell him to his face, about how much he hurt you. Once you are done with a page, I want you to rip it out and burn it, throw it out into the wind, shred it...just get rid of it. Before you do this, I want you to say goodbye to it.

Then the big book! Title it "Love Me." This book cannot have "poison" in it! His name can never be mentioned in this book. This is a "You" book! For every page you write in the "Poison" book, you have to write a full page in your "Love Me" book. They need to be only positive things. It doesn't matter what it is. It can be something as simple as...I liked the way my hair looked today, or something made me laugh on tv, a good friend stopped by. Anything that is positive. I also want you to write "I love me first!" at the top of every page.

When you are done a page, I want you to pick out your top 3 or 4 things that you are thankful for or made you smile that day. Write these things down on another sheet of paper, and tape them in places that you won't miss. Your bathroom wall, your bedroom mirror etc. You can't leave that room until you've read them. Read them every single time you see them.

I know this may sound silly to you, but it really does work if you take it seriously. Even if you don't, do it anyway! Unless of course you are content with the way you feel now. You just may be surprised. You asked for help, and this is a start. Unless you try to help yourself, we will really have a hard time helping you! You have to work with us here. There's no magic cure. I hope you choose to help yourself so you are your own person, with or without a man in your life.

Moving on is hard, but you NEED to do it, try be strong. For yourself, you do really deserve much more from a man, why do we let them take over our lives?

Hun am reading your post in 2012 and just wondering how you are now