Ask Me Help Desk - Boyfriend went to a strip club and lied

Quote:

Originally Posted by southerngalps

haha...yes. please. don't turn on the lights!

this one that we went to had the nastiest smell too! it smelled like too much nasty pu**y!

yeek. who would want a lap dance then? it's just for Sh**s and giggles!

Haha finally a girl that understands. Most people that go there just go cause its funny and soemthing to do. I'm in chicago and they have this one called the admiral its pricy but id rather pay the extra buck then go to like Wisconsin and pay cheap and see buck tooth girls that smell like old tuna

Thanks guys, for all your answers. Let me clarify a bit. I am well aware of what goes on in a strip club, I've been to a few, with boyfriends and with friends. I live in Oregon, which has the largest concentration of strip clubs in the country. They are as popular as they are because the girls take everything off, they don't leave their underwear on, and as a result it gets pretty raunchy. These are not just go-go dancers.

While I am not for one second worried that my boyfriend will cheat on me with one of them, I am still bothered by the whole situation. This is primarily because there IS an interaction between the girl and the patron. There's eye contact, giggles, flirting, and that's just when they're on stage. I would have a problem with it even if they kept their clothing on. I don't even want to think about lap dances.

To answer a few questions, my boyfriend knew where he was going, it wasn't like his buddy said "hey I know a great little place" and it happened to be a strip club.

I found out because I found a receipt for the place on his dresser. I wasn't snooping, it was lying in plain sight.

I do NOT have any problem at all with him going out with his friends without me. I give him plenty of space to do so (I'd say this happens 2-4 times a week).

It might very well be a male bonding thing, which brings up another issue. Why does male bonding so often translate to doing things that they know would bother their girlfriends, talking sh*t about their girlfriends, and objectifying women? I'm not saying this is how it always is, but too often, especially with this particular boyfriend, I've found that doing "guy stuff" involves treating women like they're either the enemy or something lesser than men (or both.) If I'm totally cool with him getting a drink with the guys and not inviting me once and a while (or even every other night), why does he still have to find someway to rebel (and lie)? Maybe rebel isn't the best word choice, because it's not like I keep him on a tight leash.

Oh geez let the guy be a guy, and blow off some steam every now, and then.

You keep saying your cool with this or that, but your really not. I can understand it, but young guys do these goofy things, and if it was all the time, you may have a point.

But if its not, you put him on the defensive, and usually we do just the opposite of what you want, just to say we aren't henpecked, and FEEL like we are free.

Pick your battles with care, as there will be better things to make a stand on and make him sleep on the couch for (JK).

Trust me, he probably has his peeves with you too.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kimsland

That depends
Would you get peed off if your wife had a male stripper come around for afternoon tea, and you didn't know?

By the way, I agree my reply was not written well above. But my point is still the same, lets just try to stop the guy going to strip clubs, as he promised he would. Otherwise he should say that he doesn't care for this promise anymore

And if he "didn't know"! :rolleyes: Yeah right! Now that would be dumb!

I think you're missing the point of this thread. He's not taking dancers (I don't really like to call them strippers... demeaning in my opinion, even if they are technically "stripping") home, he's gone to a strip club (it could have been a "gentleman's club" which tend to be more classy.)

You're comparing adultery to seeing nudity. When I was with my now ex girlfriend, she came with me and my buddies to the strip club! It doesn't MEAN anything, it's entertainment.

Telling this guy he can't do something is completely different than saying she doesn't feel comfortable with him doing it, no? Yes, he didn't happen to tell the OP. Everybody makes mistakes.

To the OP:

I think your best bet (if you want him to be more open with you, and rather be around you) is maybe offer to go with him, even if you don't like it, you'll do one of two things; First, you'll either get his gears working and want to go behind closed doors *meeeowww*, or two, you'll make him realize that strip clubs aren't all that great (they honestly aren't in my opinion.) and he'd rather be spending his time with his NUMBER ONE girl ;).

You tell a man he can't do something, or nag him about doing something you don't like, you're going to just push him away.

This is really not that big of a deal.

This really comes down to a matter of personal ethics and morals, so I don't think that there is a real answer to this question. I personally don't like the idea, as I wouldn't want my girlfriend going to a male strip club, I wouldn't expect her to like me going to a female one..

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Lets be real, the only reason he agreed to her demands ( as with most guys) was not to sleep on the couch, or catch some other kind of boohoo treatment.

If he had simply talked, and said no, they may not get together. What a set up. Still its her problem to deal with, and guys, don't make promises you can't keep.

His logic is good male logic for avoiding being confronted by a mad female, who is holding all the cards, and right, and wrong, have gone out the window.

Good points. I always like your crisp analysis of things:).

He obviously has no respect for you, if he still goes despite you asking him not to. If he loved you he wouldn't even be interested in going. (and this is a comment from a straight male)

You might not have a problem with him going out, but this does reflect on how he thinks of your relationship

Spoken like a true man...