Ask Me Help Desk - GF's friends, weekends, and getting hammered

Quote:

Originally Posted by omega_red_08

It's very hard for me to stand firm. I get constantly dumped on when I don't do stuff for her and get nothing when I do something exclusively for her. No hug, kiss or thank you.

Any suggestions on what to do when I say no to something and she throws a fit in public? That's one of her ways she gets me to say yes by trying to cause a scene in public. The other is to get so mad she just wants to go home, no matter where we are.

She is very good at getting her way. And I'm even better at giving in to her way. Sometimes I just feel like a pathetic loser because I think I am becoming someone I didn't want to be. I used to be independent and had no worries in the world. Now, I am under a lot of stress just to keep my head afloat.

She sounds like that kid in the carnival! What about you and your needs? What about how you feel? She sounds self-absorbed, insensitive and insecure... I think you know what it is you should do... I would not tolerate that behavior that is obscene she should know better she is not 8.

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Originally Posted by xoxaprilwine

Well no, I am not saying go with the flow, if you have come to this site to seek answers this tells me this bothers you a great deal. You have a right to feel the way you do and I honestly can see why, if I was in your shoes…I would leave. You are not just staying up all night because you’re concerned, you are staying up all night because you’re not sure what she is up to and you’re angry at her for being so irresponsible and your left out too. Drinking is the most common in these stages of our lives…when she turns around 24 she will be ready to start thinking about the future of her life…since 25 is the next step…hard number to face. I see you try to keep yourself busy and that’s great but ignoring it isn’t going to make it go away; you need to talk to her and tell her how you feel about the relationship. She gets that you don’t like to hang around them when they drink and that you feel out of place so it is hard for her to accommodate you that way but if she can maybe cut her drinking down to once or twice a month and meet you half way that would help. Evidently at 22 she is going to do what she wants…this doesn’t mean she has ADD, to you it may seem so because of the maturity difference…I was pretty high strung myself…always doing something and very active.

This is a relevantly new relationship and I guess you have to decide what it is your looking for in a relationship and see if this is something you still want to pursue. Love is a powerful word…I don’t think I used it until after my husband and I where dating for a year. What is it you’re looking for in a relationship? Is she someone you want to continue the relationship with considering the drinking/friends? If she doesn’t meet you half way then what?

What I want out of the relationship is to feel like we are in this together. I want to share experiences, responsibilities and unconditional love. I want to feel like we are one entity, not a partier girlfriend and stay-at-home boyfriend. I want us to do things together because we want to do them together; not because she drags me to them or she doesn't want to be alone. I want to be able to show her I appreciate her and I want her to show me that back. I don't want to get in arguments over what I can't (won't) buy her. I want to love me and her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by omega_red_08

What I want out of the relationship is to feel like we are in this together. I want to share experiences, responsibilities and unconditional love. I want to feel like we are one entity, not a partier girlfriend and stay-at-home boyfriend. I want us to do things together because we want to do them together; not because she drags me to them or she doesn't want to be alone. I want to be able to show her I appreciate her and I want her to show me that back. I don't want to get in arguments over what I can't (won't) buy her. I want to love me and her.

Then you tell her that. Does she know how you feel?

You have to tell her how you feel AND stick up for yourself when she wants something you don't want. If she throw a fit, let her cry, whine, pout... whatever. Just stand up for yourself.

Don't let her have her way ALL the time.

Sometimes relationships are all about timing. She's at that crazy age when she has to get out her jollies. You are at that weird in-between age where you still are youthful, but you are truly an adult. You want to settle down more. She may be insensitive to your needs, but she is being true to herself.

Are you being true to yourself? Can you really see this relationship going anywhere when she doesn't make it as much of a priority as you do?

Sometimes it's all about timing. You will meet someone that wants exactly what you want, then BAM! everything just clicks. It doesn't sound like everything is clicking in this relationship.

Bring this up with her. Just be prepared for some things that you don't want to hear.

Hey man,

Your have way worse problems than me, you seem to still be there with this girl so it must not bother you enough. My problem was that I didn't want my girlfriend yo go out with other men alone, some knew this and asked her out for a tenis date at his appt complex, to which I responded by having a chat with him. This costed me my relationship and now we are "friends" which is not a bad thing but I agree that its important to keep a healthy mind state and would recommend that this is that opportunity to deal with your issues. I think you should start by detaching from her and become emotionally independent of whatever she does, Don't CARE, I'm sure she will sense that and start to wonder what is drawing you apart. Most of all show strength, women admire that in a man, if she's worth it she'll reconsider her choices and decide if getting trashed is all that important to lose you. And PLEASE don't show your weak side and be pathetic this will just make things worse IMO.