I'm just not all that into sex.. it's just me. But I'll get into it.

Yea that's a shame.. hope it all works out for you

If you aren't into sex, you won't just get into it because he is willing to leave you over the issue.

This is a temporary solution to a deeper problem, good luck, but you will find yourself in the same situation in a couple months. Him frustrated and you not wanting sex... this will become your cycle until it is broken or you are with a more compatible partner.

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yeah. Well I kind of HAD to contact him because the reason he broke off the engagement is I basically always refused to have sex with him and he couldn't deal with it.

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He couldn't deal with not having sex?? So, he agreed to work on the relationship because you agreed to have sex??

So, basically, you're agreeing to let him use your body even though you don't want him to?

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that and I didn't have a job and was living off him. But I'm getting a job now and willing to have sex. I had to let him know. I think he's glad that I did.

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Of course, he's glad you did. That means he can have sex with you (even though you don't want to)...

This doesn't sound all that healthy...

We can only wait, and see if this works or not. I hope it does.

No sex, and not holding a job, are deal breakers, but since you have made a change, and are trying again, I wish you luck.

If this change is not to improve yourself, and your just doing it to get him back, I doubt you can make it last very long.

There is something about changing to keep some one that may not be a healthy solution.

Hey,

I'm going to look at this from a different point of view I suppose, and it's just my opinion.

I feel like if he knew you had trouble holding a job this whole time you were together, and knew you weren't having sex that much the whole time, then this should have been talked out prior to a break up, I feel that's a little drastic. I just feel like you shouldn't have to change who someone was, my ex was a very intelligent young woman and very goal-oriented but if she told me she was going to be a hobo and live off liquor for the rest of her life, I would do my best to influence her to change that, but I'd still love her to death.

You changing... eh, realistically hard to do in such a short period but, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say you can do it, but please don't change for 2 weeks and go right back to where you were, some of us wish and pray for a chance with our ex everyday and night, your getting one, don't disappoint. Go the extra mile for this person you love, and if your struggling one night with it, contact us on here! And/or talk to to him about it! He needs to listen!

Take Care,
LCM

Okay I know what you are all thinking... HELL NO. But...

The main reason he called off our engagement is because we never had sex and I hardly ever let him touch me. (I just really got in a rut). We are talking about it now and the other night I gave him a really sexy blowjob after talking for a while. He loved it, and acted as if he wanted me back, but he still is not ready. Should I keep showing him that I am capable of having good sex, if I promise to follow through with keeping it up should we ever get back together? I mean, this IS the reason we are apart, so I feel the only way to possibly get him back is to show him I am willing to have good sex.

Did you enjoy sex, too, or was it single-sided? You should go further if you enjoyed and not if not.

It takes two people to have good sex. And sex is not the most important thing in a relationship
But for some young couples

Its all there is.

So you have to ask yourself
Can you keep up with his sex?
Do you even like having sex that much
Because there are people that just don't.
And there is nothing wrong with that.

We are all made different.

I would talk with him. Tell him your feelings. Say that you want to give it another go

If she says OK..
Great

If he says he is unsure and all that crap
Then let him go
You should not have to BEG anyone

If you are only getting back together for the sex, then be sex buddies, don't get married,

You should be able to get married and never have had sex before, it sounds like he was calling your bluff trying to force you to have sex. **** either have sex or the marriage is off****

Personally I would run a far away from a guy like that and find one that will have emotional, and friendship and other reasons to marry and would have waited till you were married, or at least both agreed.

You don't win life partners with just good sex. I think your on your way to being used at this point.

It gives me hope that NC isn't always the way-especially when there are still very strong feelings for each other. Not every break up is the same.

I'm a bit cynical... and heck of a lot jaded... so bare with me.

Well, also, I'm a bit hesitant to say that this was a "success" story because you guys didn't work anything out. Nothing really changed. You didn't talk to him for 10 days... then got together again.

Also, the issue was that you wouldn't have sex? So he broke off the engagement.. Were you going to have sex after you two got married? I feel that sex wasn't the only issue here... he was willing to marry you knowing about your hesitance towards sex, but then broke it off?

I really do hope the best for you, but my $0.02 is that you're putting a band-aid over a gunshot wound. It's a temporary fix. You may be willing to "have sex" now... but last I checked, marriages last a while, and you may have to "have sex" for a long... long.. time.

Question: Why are you not in to having sex? Is it the sex you not into or you not into having sex with him?

I can almost guarantee he will be gone in another 10 days when things get back to normal

All threads merged for clarity

The OP hasn.t been back since Dec 6