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Originally Posted by justme4me

aggression and assertion are not synonyms for each other. I realize all the options you have suggested and have chosen before posting not to take those avenues. they are the obvious and easy way out. If that is all I needed to know I wouldn't be here trying to find someone who understands how I would like to handle the situation and quite possibly have an experience or suggestion that they would like to share.

I bet your favorite dance is the twist. Why you ask, b/c you dance with and twist the truth.
your reality and communication skills are as selfish and discriminatory as my husbands and I would prefer that you have no more contact with me.

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Wow. Do you realize what you are accusing me of is exactly what you've done. You are the one who changed your question in mid post. Then you when faced with reality you start with the name calling... let the record show it was the woman who gave herself the screen name "just me 4 me" who started the name calling in this post. So when faced with the truth the name calling starts, and then after all the name calling she does the same thing she does to her husband, she tells me to get out... of a public message board. Yeah, and you think the problem is your husband, huh?

Despite your efforts, your way hasn't worked nor will it, it seems. You may want him to leave nicely without drama and confusion, be he ain't going that route.

If you want him out the door, you have to push harder, and may need help with that, or leave yourself, and get some help (legal) later.

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Originally Posted by justme4me

Thank you wvchick66, maybe we could hook up a chat line. Chuff- Why is it that I should walk away from a house that I also paid for? I am not the one who is at fault here. I tried to take the blame for our problems for years to make things better and he willing abliged me. fyi it is my house. The title is in my name solely, for reasons I need not reveal, but it was his idea. His intention? A pay off so that he needn't feel the guilt he so richly deserves.

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Sure that would be OK... It sound like we both are in a similar situation. It's good to know that I'm not the only one out there who feels trapped. The thing is that our home is in both of our names, so there would definitely be a fight and it would not be pretty.

You can email me if you want... [email protected]

Hang in there :-)

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Originally Posted by chuff

Ummm how can I hate you? I don't know you. Your problem has hit no nerve with me, because if I've been in a relationship that I wanted it to end I left it. Simple as that. If I was in a relationship I wanted to fix, I worked to fix it. Simple as that. You don't even know what you want. Interestingly enough I thank you for your comparison to your husband, because I am starting to see why his marriage is falling apart. You ask for something and you get a response. You don't like that answer so you change the question. You get an answer for that so you go into attack mode and blame everybody else. I think we are starting to see the real problem here, and it's not your husband. I bet if we asked him he's probably tried the best he could, but with someone so wishy washy he has run out of ways to try with you so he's just reserved to holding on hoping you might come around or at least be honest with him so he knows exactly how HE can make the marriage work. I give him a lot of credit, he's obviously dedicated and loyal despite having someone who doesn't bring her half to the relationship and constantly belittles him but won't explain why. I, like you, wish your husband would leave you, he deserves better then this situation and you.

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This was a chuffing of epic proportions, I must say. :)

Chuf-good bye little man with your little mind.

Honestly, you have a better chance of your husband leaving, than chuff leaving.

Does that tell you something about your tactics??

Dang! It's getting a little deep in here. I will say that everyone has very strong opinions and I respect that.

**High Max you crack me up:)

Sounds to me like someone needs a TIME OUT!!

It's pretty tricky to ask someone to leave and have them just linger... but you will probably need to show him that your serious! I've been in a kind of bad relationship since July 07 until the beginning of October. (not bad in a physical way, but we have spent the better part of a year fighting... and breaking up then getting back together again) we broke up in may and got back together at the beinning of June and when I broke up with him almost 2 months ago he did not take it serious.

It seems that you might have to be the one to leave... do you have somewhere you can sleep? Or maybe you could ask some good friends for help and try to pack his things and get him out of the house?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Honestly, you have a better chance of your husband leaving, than chuff leaving.

Does that tell you something about your tactics????

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Ding Ding Ding... WINNER!

This woman honestly thinks she's going to tell me to leave... and I will?

That does tell us something about her tactics, she's a bully and when faced with the truth or an opinion that results in her changing her ways or taking some kind of action that would improve her life falls into the same old routine of name calling and telling people to go. It is so obvious she's blind to her own behavior that she can't even see what she is doing that created her situation but how she keeps herself in it. Then you dare spend time trying to help her and she attacks you for it. The original question still stands, if the situation is so dire, why not take action to correct it? After what we've seen the only conclusion I can come to is, she doesn't to change her life, just complain about it. Maybe after some more name calling and telling me what to do (that I won't actually do) we can get to that answer.

Back to my old adage:

Insanity=doing the same thing,expecting different results.

If the OP really wants him to leave,as her post stated,why do the same thing expecting it to change?

If you tell someone to leave,3 times, why do it again,the result will be the same.

The OP needs to find a new answer to her situation,not finding a new fight for her 'continuing insane behavior'.

Maybe this isn't going to help her resolve this situation and maybe she will move on.

"justme4me disagrees: didnt change my question"

Oh Just you 4 you, why do I have feeling you did that out of hate.

Still haven't answered any question directed towards your situation have you? Always running from your problems, calling others names but never doing anything to change it. Maybe some day you'll catch on.

Want to smell MY breath?

And so the adventures start all over again.

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Originally Posted by justme4me

Thank you wvchick66, maybe we could hook up a chat line. Chuff- Why is it that I should walk away from a house that I also paid for? I am not the one who is at fault here. I tried to take the blame for our problems for years to make things better and he willing abliged me. fyi it is my house. The title is in my name solely, for reasons I need not reveal, but it was his idea. His intention? A pay off so that he needn't feel the guilt he so richly deserves.

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Why is it that he should walk away? You are the one seeking change, you are the one responsible for making that change.

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Originally Posted by justme4me

wanna smell MY breath?

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I don't think we should kiss, you are a married woman.

So how are you going to change the problem that brought you to this board to begin with... this strategy doesn't seem to be working.

Well, everyone kept asking why should he leave. I guess my guardian angels heard your pleas and gave me the reason. He slipped up and now I have him in an undeniable situation that he can't head frig me with. I should have trusted my instincts knowing that this time would come instead of trying to rush things by asking for an easier way out. Funny how things work out. : ) I think I have taken my first breath in a long time. If I had only waited one more week, I wouldn't have bothered any of you.

You didn't 'bother' anyone!

You wrote in with a concern and we tried to reason with you.This was human interaction,not a jury hearing.

How did he slip up,If I may ask,we all would like to see you succeed,and if he just made it easier for you,great!Share the good news!

A ladies birthday gift and card left in the car. I wasn't supposed to be home so he felt safe to leave it there. I couldn't find my sunglasses so I check in his car before leaving to see if I left them there. I looked under the seat to see if they had fallen there and the rest is history as is he. I don't know that he has had her in my house but if I had left it would have been a distinct possibility that I would have had to live with.

I don't suppose its your birthday either,huh?

Well what's the next step?