I will give it a few days then call him again if not I guess I will leave it another week or two until he finally misses me deep down I think he is doing what is best for me but really it ent he just thinks it is. Want to say thanks for the positive responses everyone else just seems to be saying move on get on with it which I don't want to do I believe you have to fight for what you lost and want back and your giving me the best advice I could ask for I know one day I will be back with him and we will be happy again all I got to do is sit and wait I guess :(

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by samfulcher

The counsellor should be helping him with his issues, not him with your issues. Hope that makes sense.

Still, you really should give it a few days before calling again. The space will allow you to clear your head so you can properly tackle trying to get him back and will also let him know that you CAN live without him.

I think what some folks here think is that the problem is with you (he dumped you, now you get over it) whereas I see the problem is with him (he dumped you, so that make it HIS problem and his HIS loss... now you have to let him realize this).

So, hope is not lost. The problem is him, not you. The counsellor bit is a concern, I admit. But if he really does love you (who would lie about something like this???) you can and will win him back if that is what you want.

Keep me posted.
Sam

---

Quote:

---

I will give it a few days then call him again

---

Give it a month as was suggested. For your sake.

Maybe I don't want to give it a month of month of the girls been all over him a month off not talking to him a month off hurt and pain from him not been here I can't do it

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

Give it a month as was suggested. For your sake.

---

YES YOU CAN! I was dumped after being in a nearly 5 YEAR relationship, and I am on my way to doing it! If I can, YOU CAN. Never sell yourself short and never doubt yourself. It is amazing what we can accomplish when we set our minds to it. None of what I say matters, though as you will do what you want. I know it is hard and none of us will judge you... we are merely trying to help.

He ain't there now, so your in hurt, and pain anyway, so what do you have to lose, except feel better??

Sorry but I just don't believe in that I won't be happy without him so the only way to be happy is to fight for him and get him back I believe you have to fight for what you want and I am going to fight till he is back here with me

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

He ain't there now, so your in hurt, and pain anyway, so what do you have to lose, except feel better?????

---

Then good Luck with that!

You came looking for advice and we gave it to you as best we know how. All of this advice comes from experience.

Trust me when I tell you that more than just you have been there. Many of us have felt like there is no tomorrow without the one who just dumped us.

If your not open to suggestions then best of luck with whatever you decide, but I can GUARANTEE you that if you gave it some time, you will realize that you don't need to feel like this forever...

How can sitting and waiting being miserable be any better than trying something new and perhaps getting rid of the misery. Worst case, your right where you are now.

Well I would rather sit here and be miserable knowing that I fought for the man I loved and showed him how much I loved him and fight for him to get him back then go out and pretend he was never here in my life when he was I love him with all my heart and I came here to ask HOW TO GET HIM BACK not tips on how to move on and there has only been one person on here that has showed me how I can get him back not just say move on and get on with it

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by bigbird213

You came looking for advice and we gave it to you as best we know how. All of this advice comes from experience.

Trust me when I tell you that more than just you have been there. Many of us have felt like there is no tomorrow without the one who just dumped us.

If your not open to suggestions then best of luck with whatever you decide, but I can GUARANTEE you that if you gave it some time, you will realize that you don't need to feel like this forever....

How can sitting and waiting being miserable be any better than trying something new and perhaps getting rid of the misery. Worst case, your right where you are now.

---

Do you find a desperate man attractive? That is exactly what you are going to look like to him, and it might have the exact opposite effect that you are looking for... Please think about that...

Ultimately I won't change your mind or be able to tell you what do, your mind is made up and you'll do what you want, but I hope that you listen to some of the advice you got here...

True, you asked how to get him back, and I think what you were told is that trying to get him back is not how you should be going about it. It should be more about you being healthy (FYI, the way your acting is not healthy) and being able to see life alone...

Look, I am all with you wanting to go get something you want... that being said, this is a human. This is not a car, a job, an education or some other "material" or "means to and end" object... it is a human, with feelings that can change as fast as the weather. Remember that... this is not a game.

I wish you well and I totally hope you succeed. I would rather see you happy than on here in another day posting about how sad you are that you didn't get your "man" back! I am pulling for you.

Maybe I don't want to be alone hence why I want him back and my health is perfectly OK thank you very much wanting someone back and fighting for them can still mean you have good health

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by bigbird213

Do you find a desperate man attractive? That is exactly what you are going to look like to him, and it might have the exact opposite effect that you are looking for... Please think about that...

Ultimately I won't change your mind or be able to tell you what do, your mind is made up and you'll do what you want, but I hope that you listen to some of the advice you got here...

True, you asked how to get him back, and I think what you were told is that trying to get him back is not how you should be going about it. It should be more about you being healthy (FYI, the way your acting is not healthy) and being able to see life alone....

---

You seem about as intrested in what other people have to say.. than your own state of mind.
Every time someone has tried to help you have come pack with a pathetic reply

You are acting desperate needy and clingy.

Please Show some self respect here women.
I mean come on. Listen to what all these people are telling you.

You want you want You want.
Mis selfish or what.
What about what the other guy wants.

We can not! Inforce our own ideas and wants on others.

Everyone on here has told you.
You need to relax and have some pride and self control.

I got pride and I got self control I don't see anything wrong with trying to fight for the man you love and showing him how you feel there is only one person on here that has been telling me what I can do to get my man back and that was the advice I needed

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by TrueFaith

You are acting desperate needy and clingy.

Please Show some self respect here women.
i mean come on. listen to what all these people are telling you.

You want you want You want.
Mis selfish or what.
what about what the other guy wants.

We can not! inforce our own ideas and wants on others.

Everyone on here has told you.
You need to relax and have some pride and self control.

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by XxMissBxX

i dont see anything wrong with trying to fight for the man you love and showing him how you feel

---

He knows how you feel and he doesn't want you fighting for him.

Have you ever thought that you might be pushing him away by doing this?

Quote:

---

XxMissBxX;1343637, I got pride and I got self control I don't see anything wrong with trying to fight for the man you love and showing him how you feel

---

What if he doesn't feel the same? Will you fight on?? Forever, no matter how far he runs??

Quote:

---

there is only one person on here that has been telling me what I can do to get my man back and that was the advice I needed

---

That's what you wanted to hear, but that's not what you needed, come on lets be fair. We want you to be happy, but we won't lie to you, but we will give our opinions, but its your life. If you chose to go down the path of fighting for his love, don't complain if he isn't listening, nor wants you the way you want him.

Your choice, your life, your misery, your pain.

There is something very wrong with this picture. I think there is a missing piece to this puzzle somehow. How would it come about that you would possibly overhear him tell a counselor these things about you? These sessions are usually held behind closed doors.

I know you won't like this at all, and I'm sorry. But, is it possible that you are reading more into things because you are blinded by your own emotions? There is more here than meets the eye. If he was so intent on not hurting you, he wouldn't be avoiding your calls, because he knows that would hurt you. Now does that make sense? It just doesn't add up. Two and two don't add up to six. What I see is him letting himself off the hook, in order not to look like the bad guy, and using his counselor as his excuse for that.

As the others have said, but you haven't sat back and thought about, what you are doing to try and get him back, is the exact opposite of what you should be doing. It makes you look weak, needy, and desperate! Men don't like that.

So listen to the one person on here that is telling you to play games. I almost guarantee that will not work for you, even if you do get him back in the short term, it won't work in the long run.

Good luck!

Lol there is such thing as standing outside the counsillors room and putting your ear against the door listening in to everything which is been said I was not going to carry on letting my boyfriend go tell some stranger things and his feelings that he can't open up to his girlfriend about so I had to find out one way didn't I. I had to find out how he felt and what he was thinking if he could not come to me and tell me about it then I had to do that. And I guess you lot do things different where you come from but here where I live we fight for what we want does not make us needy or desperate but shows we want to fight for the one we love the one who you want to spend the rest of your life with. And he does feel the same cause he broke his heart out as he walked away and ended it told me it was best for me the counsillor told him it was the best thing for me he cried in my arms saying he loved me so much but he has to walk away but he did not want to it killed him looking into my eyes and kissing my lips for the last time before walking away now I am going to fight for him and show him that we can be together and he does not have to listen to what that counsillor said to him and we can work it out and be happy that is called fighting not been desperate and needy but getting back and showing the one you love that you can't let them go

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by starbuck8

There is something very wrong with this picture. I think there is a missing piece to this puzzle somehow. How would it come about that you would possibly overhear him tell a councellor these things about you? These sessions are usually held behind closed doors.

I know you won't like this at all, and I'm sorry. But, is it possible that you are reading more into things because you are blinded by your own emotions? There is more here than meets the eye. If he was so intent on not hurting you, he wouldn't be avoiding your calls, because he knows that would hurt you. Now does that make sense? It just doesn't add up. Two and two don't add up to six. What I see is him letting himself off the hook, in order not to look like the bad guy, and using his councellor as his excuse for that.

As the others have said, but you haven't sat back and thought about, what you are doing to try and get him back, is the exact opposite of what you should be doing. It makes you look weak, needy, and desperate! Men don't like that.

So go ahead and listen to the one person on here that is telling you to play games. I almost guarantee that will not work for you, even if you do get him back in the short term, it won't work in the long run.

Good luck!

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by XxMissBxX

lol there is such thing as standing outside the counsillors room and putting your ear against the door listening in to everything which is been said i was not going to carry on letting my boyfriend go tell some stranger things and his feelings that he can't open up to his girlfriend about so i had to find out one way didnt i. I had to find out how he felt and what he was thinking if he could not come to me and tell me about it then i had to do that. And i guess you lot do things different where you come from but here where i live we fight for what we want does not make us needy or desperate but shows we want to fight for the one we love the one who you want to spend the rest of your life with. And he does feel the same cause he broke his heart out as he walked away and ended it told me it was best for me the counsillor told him it was the best thing for me he cried in my arms saying he loved me so much but he has to walk away but he did not want to it killed him looking into my eyes and kissing my lips for the last time before walking away now i am going to fight for him and show him that we can be together and he does not have to listen to what that counsillor said to him and we can work it out and be happy that is called fighting not been desperate and needy but getting back and showing the one you love that you can't let them go

---

We DO NOT do things any differently here than you do there. I have family in the UK. My children live there. My ex was a Brit. You are making up excuses. Is this what you call love? Putting your ear up to a door to listen to a private conversation between this man and his counselor? You crossed the line when you did that. You invaded his privacy in the worst way, just for your own satisfaction. This is not my definition of love. This is my definition of control. If he had wanted you to know what he had to say, he either would have told you, or invited you to sit in. You did have other choices! You just chose to spy on him to get information about things he did not want to reveal to you. You violated him. Shame on you for doing that to someone that you apparently love. Next thing you know you will be calling a private detective to do your dirty work. The thing that stood out the most to me is where you said that you "weren't going to LET your boyfriend tell a stranger something" Are you his mother? I assume he is a grown man, and can DO whatever he wants!

Regardless, it's quite apparent that you are only going to listen to the one person here that is telling you what you want to hear. Do you think part of your problem could be that you only listen to what you want to, and get defensive even when the majority tries to give you some good solid advice? Maybe your boyfriend noticed this quality about you too. It's not just me that has noticed this. The others have too, and it's obvious to us over the computer. I can only imagine how obvious this is in person. :rolleyes:

(I would also get your story straight. It kept on changing from where he said he "liked you, then he loved you, then in other posts he just "liked" you again. I'm not sure you are not just wishful thinking here)

You don't know so how dare you tell me what I am what has happened in depth between me and my boyfriend is personal and I would never write on here what has happened to me in the past which has made me feel like this and yeah so what if I invaded his privacy do you think I care he should off come to me instead off been so secretive so yeah and I came on here and asked HOW DO I GET MY BOYFRIEND BACK not for a reality check on myself and like i said there is only one person on here that has stuck to that question and gave me the answers i wanted and its great your kids live over here go England

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by starbuck8

We DO NOT do things any differently here than you do there. I have family in the UK. My children live there. My ex was a Brit. You are making up excuses. Is this what you call love? Putting your ear up to a door to listen to a private conversation between this man and his councellor? You crossed the line when you did that. You invaded his privacy in the worst way, just for your own satisfaction. This is not my definition of love. This is my definition of control. If he had wanted you to know what he had to say, he either would have told you, or invited you to sit in. You did have other choices! You just chose to spy on him to get information about things he did not want to reveal to you. You violated him. Shame on you for doing that to someone that you apparently love. Next thing you know you will be calling a private detective to do your dirty work. The thing that stood out the most to me is where you said that you "weren't going to LET your boyfriend tell a stranger something" Are you his mother? I assume he is a grown man, and can DO whatever he wants!

Regardless, it's quite apparent that you are only going to listen to the one person here that is telling you what you want to hear. Do you think part of your problem could be that you only listen to what you want to, and get defensive even when the majority tries to give you some good solid advice? Maybe your boyfriend noticed this quality about you too. It's not just me that has noticed this. The others have too, and it's obvious to us over the computer. I can only imagine how obvious this is in person. :rolleyes:

(I would also get your story straight. It kept on changing from where he said he "liked you, then he loved you, then in other posts he just "liked" you again. I'm not sure you are not just wishful thinking here)

---